Crying more now...

i seem to be crying more now than i did when my Dad passed away last month…
people say it’s coz the shock is wearing off and reality is kicking in…
is this NORMAL?

Hi Jude some people (i included) after all the arrangemnts for the funeral and afterwards sit down take a deep breath and the tears come for how ever long .There isnt a right or wrong way to greive .Its partly realease of stress and further drumming in that your loved 1 has finally gone and isnt coming back thats what i think Colin

Hi Jude

As colin p says, there’s no right/wrong or ‘normal’ reaction to the death of a loved one, but your reaction is certainly very common. In the very early days you’re dealing with arrangements, and you’re likely to have lots of contact from friends and family. As time goes on, those around you will go back to their normal lives and you’re left feeling how you are now. From reading your profile you also have no family nearby so that must make things even harder for you.

It’s good to see you’re getting involved in our community and I do hope you’re finding it helpful.

best wishes

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thank you Nancy,
i find that i’m crying at a drop of a hat…and especially when i’m on my own…
i keep having flashbacks…seeing images of him when he was in icu dying…or of him smiling…and i’d dream of him too…
i know this is the way it has to be…and yes, offloading on here…sharing my thoughts/feelings and some (hopefully) useful tips are helping…

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Hi Jude yes your right I cried more after the funeral. I think at first it was shock but after the funeral it becomes reality and its very hard to deal with. I cry at the drop of a hat. I keep seeing images of us on holiday last year and how happy we were and the laughs we’ve had and even me typing that has got me upset knowing I wont be able to share anything with Phil again although I know he is around me and will share times in spirit but I would love a huge hug off him now like he used to give me if I was upset over anything. He was just there for us all big and dependable, the one who didnt panic. I really hate this life but know that I have to go on unfortunately. Big hugs

Hi Jude. I’m sorry to hear of your profound grief. Everyone has different ways of dealing with the feelings. I lost my mum 6 weeks ago and I am crying more than ever. There are days where I don’t know how I will ever come to terms. I am still realising day by day that I will never see my darling mum again. I knew this when she died but didn’t know it like I do now and every day the penny needs to drop again and again. I was also with my mum for over a week watching her die. She wasn’t in pain, but the pain of watching and holding someone you love so much was unbearable. I told her a million times that I loved her. I relive the time before she died and this is playing on my mind, It feels now like some kind of post traumatic stress. I can only say that the whole experience was traumatising even though my mum was 95 yrs old and frail. It didn’t help that I did everything on my own from being with her, to funeral, to having to sort her belongings out etc. My only brother could not cope and kept a low profile. Somewhere deep down i know that I will begin to make a slow recovery.

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thank you for taking the time to write your experience.
i am sorry to for your loss and commend you for being strong enough to be there for your mother, dealing with the funeral arrangements and going through her possessions. MUST be hard. it was harrowing for me, especially I can only bring very small items to take with me to the UK. they still sit in a bag in my spare room, i couldn’t bear to go through them as i would have a break down.
it is almost insane the way our minds seem to relive scenes and events even when they are unpleasant…my memory of my Dad seem to be working backwards. my mind is still playing the scene of him in the ICU - slowly dying…

Dear Jude. Sorry for the delay in writing back. This site seems to loose my password and it takes time to get it back. Yes, our minds are all over the place right now. it has all been hard dealing with my mums funeral alone and everything else but there was no choice. We find our inner resources when needed. I’m sorry you don’t have everything you want that belongs to your dad. The things you have in your spare room are too painful to look at now. I feel the same and have put mums belongings to one side until I am more ready to look slowly and carefully. It feels like a nightmare right now. Some of my pain is going and I’m crying less but this is now replaced with a big void. I am getting through by keeping busy and this isn’t always the answer but it’s a day by day process. Keep strong and keep talking to people. We can be here for each other in a small way. I’m thinking of you.

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