Crying

I am watching ‘Three coins in a Fountain’ and sobbing my heart :heavy_heart_exclamation: out remembering when I was there just a few years ago with my husband?
I cry daily since I lost him may 2018 I sometimes don’t know how to carry on? I do not like this life being on my own and all alone? We did everything together totally everything since we retired years ago. We are seniors and married for many happy years. I love him dearly he was my mate my friend my lover and husband and now he has left me all alone and I am devastated still after 10 months? I’ve had regular Bereavment counciling and do my voluntary job join different clubs just to make friends? How do we carry? on how long I will live I do not know? but cannot imagine many years without John after being married for so long. I have been on holiday as John wanted me to live my life but it is so lonely particularly being a woman but I did meet a woman friend whom we now keep in touch and I am going away with friends for Xmas but feel a fraud to be doing this without John? Good bye x

Hello Bel,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling devastated 10 months after the loss of your husband. I understand that sometimes it’s difficult to know how to carry on. It sounds as though you’re doing a lot to stay active and make friends and it’s nice to hear that you met a friend on holiday and that you have plans for a trip at christmas. Having that support network of people to turn to can be so important.

Your post made me think of an article we have on our website about how long grief lasts, so I just wanted to share that here in case it’s of any use to you: https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/how-long-does-grief-last

With best wishes,
Eleanor

Hi Elenor. Thanks for your email. I have just read part of the item on website and had to come off it because everything there is my feelings etc. I don’t like this life I’ve never been alone. I met my husband on my 16th birthday when he was on leave from Germany in the army. From then on we were hooked. Married for 62yrs now I’m alone? I cry every afternoon and night. I put on a face to my friends. They don’t know what’s inside me?
I can’t imagine years without John I can’t feel him around me and he said he would always be by my side
I say good morning and good night to him. I talk to his photos and tell him what I’ve been doing and ask why he’s left me and I ask God why he didn’t take us both together? My meal time isn’t the same I don’t like my meals or enjoy them. I have tele on in evening and couldn’t tell you what’s on? I can’t relax. I do all these activities just to get out the house but not enjoying myself. If I could I could cry to everyone I speak to but hold it all in? I could go on and on. I’ve had to insure the car and the content insurance changed bulbs had the trip switch go clear out the shed. Do the bins myself. On and on and on. I’m not happy I never will be. I want to be happy again and sing and smile. We used to laugh and sing and try to dance whine I was cooking the evening meal all that has gone? I’m sorry I can’t say anymore I’m exhausted.
Thank you Bel.

Hi Bel
Everything you have said in your heartfelt message is exactly how I feel and I’m sure many more can relate to your words. 62 yrs is a very long time and my heart goes out to you. Many of us must cry everyday, I know I do, no matter how I try not to. You feel no one understands and I think most don’t unless they’ve been through this hell themselves and the ones that have been through it, I have found still don’t seem to be very bothered but they have probably come through the pain. I felt reasonably positive at first. I had so much to deal with and last week I at last came to the end but I am lost now without so much to keep me occupied
There’s not much anyone can say except we know how your feeling. But I did notice your comment about John not being with you. Brian said he would always love and look after me and at first I was aware of him near, now he’s gone. No contact, nothing. Does he think I can now manage, when it’s pretty obvious that I’m not. All sorts of questions are going through my mind. Like you I’ve suddenly had to deal with things myself and every little job reminds you of them doesn’t it. My evening meal is on my lap instead of at the table as we used to do together, now I can’t bear to sit there. Bel I wish I could say so much more to help you but there just isn’t. Perhaps in time we will all feel some relief from this pain and have memories that we can enjoy instead of bringing us pain. Take care, I am thinking of you. xxx

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