Dad died

My dad passed away after 3 long, hard years of suffering with PSP ( progressive supra nuclear palsy) on 15th November 18. We, my mum and dad, and my sister are a close family. We were privileged to be with him when he passed away and it was so peaceful. I am know for my stoicism and just got on with things while being devastated inside. I feel angry at being robbed of my dad and my mum losing her life partner. 13 weeks on and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Can’t sleep properly, I have lost interest in nearly everything and my work is suffering as I can’t concentrate - i have a demanding job. I have a husband and 2 kids and feel terrible that I am this way right now. Is this normal to feel like I’m losing my mind? Can anyone recommend anything to help me with this? Thanks in advance x

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I am very sorry to read about the loss of your dear dad. What you are experiencing is normal after what you have been through and you are not losing your mind. You are coping with the intense pain following the death of your dad and the effort of getting on with things. You also had 3 years of worry and concern when he was getting progressively worse. Stoicism when you feel dreadful is exhausting too. Lack of sleep, a demanding job and looking after 2 kids all adds to the pressure.
My mother died over 4 years ago and I felt I was going mad too. The pain was unbearable and I was desolate. Do you have anyone you can talk to without having to pretend you are ok? Just talking about how you really feel can ease things, even if it’s only for a short while. I’m sorry to say there is no easy way to get over the pain. Being with other people helped me, as feelings would overwhelm me when I was on my own. It lessens in time, but getting from where you are now to to then is the hard part. You just have to hang on in there.
My partner died over 5 weeks ago, so I am going through it all again. The difference is he was there for me when my mother died.

Best wishes
Xx

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Thank you so much for your reply. I am so so sorry for the loss of your mum and your partner. It helps me to know I am not losing my mind and that it will get easier in time. I have a very close relationship with my mum and sister however they are feeling similar feelings to me and I’m meant to be the strong one. They don’t expect me to be strong, I am just a bit stronger than they are. I have long talks with my sister which helps a great deal but every day is a new mountain to climb. I hope I can learn to cope better in time. Xx

Hi Dawn, I totally understand how you are feeling and the pain is indescribable. My father died 40 years ago and I still feel the pain. My father had cancer for five months from when it was diagnosed and it was so sad to see him go downhill from a strong 14 stone man to a 5 1/2 stone skeleton. I grieved for many months and I too thought I would go mad. All I could think of was how awful he looked within half an hour of dying and that haunted me for several months. One day I woke up and thought this is not how dad would want me to remember him and I forced a happy memory into my mind. I tried to think of something that had made me laugh and it was two of my brothers and dad playing leapfrog in the garden; they took it in turns to jump over each other and then one of them missed and the other one carried on and the all ended in a heap on the floor and I didn’t know whose arms and legs were who’s? My mum and I stood at the back door crying with laughter; it was such a happy scene! Even now when I start to think about missing mum and dad I force that happy memory back into my mind and it really works. So Dawn, try to forget the past horrible years and remember a scene when your Dad and you were laughing out loud! The minute a sad memory comes back push it out of your mind and put the happy memories in. Over time it will become automatic and you will only think of happy times with your dad. Very best wishes and I hope you feel better soon. M x

I feel ur pain… my dad passed beginning of Jan 2019… Am struggling even typing this but I feel iam getting worse… was emotional when it happened then OK… Eg. gd day… Bad day n now my head in turmoil just can’t get over the fact I will never ever see my dad again… I cared for him the last year n half n I keep going bck could I have done more… Miss him so much feel hurt I feel as if my insides are twisting n turning n the pain will never go away xxx

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