Dad

Losing a parent
1

We lost my Dad last February to sudden Cardiac Arrest. He was travelling home on the bus with my Mum.
My Mum rang my partner and he drove me straight ton the hospital, but Dad had gone.
I still cannot believe it has happened. It hurt so much that day and I cried at the funeral, but I haven’t really cried since. It feels wrong that I am completely numb about it. I’m waiting for it to suddenly hit me.
I feel solely responsible for my Mum, as my sister has moved away. I hate leaving her on her own, because I know she hates it. I work full time and try to see her one night in the week and one day at the weekend. We also have my partners parents to help out too. His brother has just moved away and we feel like we now have much bigger responsibilities to our parents.
I don’t know how I get through each day. It’s getting harder and harder to even get out of bed and get to work. I think my only motivation is Mum and knowing that she needs me.
I have been on anti depressants most of my adult life, and feel these may be suppressing my grief.
I just don’t feel like I’ve dealt with Dad leaving .
I feel like we were close and I miss him so much, but life just carries on and it seems so wrong that I feel normal.

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Hello @Clarebear1,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hey, im Dave, i hear you, i feel you and you have my love. My dad was raken from me by cancer in march of 2021 and i am so scarred by the gap left. Its so hard, i hear you and its so normal. Grief scars you like nothing else x peace and love x

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Hi, sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. It sounds like you’re focusing so much on your Mum and haven’t given yourself enough time to grieve for your own loss. It’s understandable that you want to support her but you need to process your own feelings too. If you can, find some time and space to share your thoughts. This forum is so useful because we’re all trying to manage our grief. There’s lots of helpful information online too. Take each day as it comes and accept that your grief is just as important as your Mum’s. Take care xx

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I lost my dad since February 2003. I know how you feel.

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Thank you.

I just take it one day at a time, but feel incredibly guilty if I don’t see Mum. Despite phoning her for an hour each evening!

We talk about Dad a lot, which I think helps us both. We are both still in shock. Whereas I feel my sister has moved on quicker, perhaps not living local has helped her do this.

Dad pops into my head a million times a day and I’m grateful for that. I remember the silliest things sometimes, and it does make me smile. I’m just not sure I will ever get used to him not being here. I don’t think I really want to get used to it either.

I feel like losing Dad has really changed my life and it’s going to take a bit of getting used to.

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Hi, yes such a loss will definitely change you and your perspective on life. As time passes you will adapt to the physical absence of your Dad so that you focus more on the memories. You’ll adjust to the pain of your grief as it becomes less prominent on an everyday basis. Sadly there’s no timeline for grief though as everyone responds in their own way. Sending best wishes xx

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