Today is the 1st anniversary of my lovely Dad’s passing. Tomorrow would have been his birthday. I have somehow managed to get through this year but today is very painful. I have relived his passing in great detail, especially the fact that he was alone at the end. I had hardly left his side for 3 days but I had nodded off in the room next door & when I went back to him he had gone. That’s something I cannot come to terms with. I have a lovely daughter & her family who have always been there for me but I am still grieving.
Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Dad a year ago and that you’re having a really difficult time at the moment especially today, the anniversary of your Dad’s passing and his birthday tomorrow. The first anniversaries are always painful.
It must have been a great comfort to your Dad to have you by his side. I can understand that you’re struggling to come to terms with not being with him when he passed. I have read many posts where people have had similiar experiences. I’m sure they will reply to your post.
There’s no set time for grief, try not to put pressure on yourself by thinking there’s a deadline where you should be ‘back to normal’. That also seems to be something we struggle with, what is normal anymore?
My Mum died 4 years ago and it took me at least a couple of years to readjust to life without her. She was my best friend.
Please keep posting & take care. Trudy x
Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It must have been a very difficult few days for you. I hope you have had some support. My dad’s first anniversary was just over a month ago and I found it extremely painful too. I’m still struggling a lot now and I’ve only just reached out for help. I’ve started to talk to people about it and to see a counsellor, which has been helpful. There are so many things to come to terms with and it’s hard to do that without support.
X Fran
Thank you Fran for your reply. Everyone has been so kind and encouraging in their replies. I don’t feel as alone any more. We are all suffering in our own ways and there are certainly people a lot worse off than me! Now that I have got over all the “firsts” I feel as though I have turned a corner. I will try to be more positive. Much love to you all.
Thanks Trudy for your encouragement. It means a lot to me that people have taken the time to reply to my post. I am slowly getting better at realising that no matter how much I regret what happened I can’t change anything. Your kind words are very helpful xx
I have just finished crying after reading your post because the same thing happened to me. I also relive the decline in my lovely Dad’s passing every day. He passed 19 months ago today. He was my world. He declined rapidly in 3 weeks with dementia. I was by his side all the time at the hospital. He was transferred to a nursing home and I was by his side again. I went home to fetch my mum back to the nursing home but he passed away before I got back. I hate myself and hope that he did not know I was not there. So I understand how you feel and I relive it every day.
Thank you for your kind reply. Someone said to me that I was there when my Dad needed me most - when he was in hospital, holding his hand when he was in pain and listening to him when he wanted to talk. You did your best which is all anyone can do. Love and best wishes to you & your family xx
I know this was not the purpose of you message but it has brought me great comfort to read of your regret for not being by his side. My father died 2 years ago and I have so many regrets about my actions in the last few years of his life, they ate me alive and brought me to a very dark places.
Its so comforting to know that it is normal to feel an overly magnified and deep sense of regret for something that no-one else would ever remotely blame you for. It makes me feel that it is just a consequence of the upset of not being able to bring him back, to change things, rather than a real regret I should harbour. Thank you
I lost my dad 6th December just 5 mths ago and I wasn’t with him when he passed even though I was at the hospital every day. What gives me comfort and might help you all is I believe they choose to pass when you are not there to protect you from seeing them take their last breath. Our parents love us unconditionally and they would not want us to see them like this and for it to be our lasting memory of them. I relive the hospital over and over and I knew in my heart I didn’t want to see him pass and I think he knew this too.
I have also learnt to stop focussing on his death and to focus on his life and all the happy times we shared and the love we had. It took dad 3 weeks to finally pass and he was 80 so I want to focus on his 80 years of life and the wonderful father he was and that it was not death that defined him but life.
Sending you all a big hug
xxx
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