Dad's gone

Lost my dad 7weeks ago to a short battle with cancer I sat by his side at every appt hoping for the best until end of life was mentioned I had no idea what that truly ment for him, for us, for mum. He was sedated at home, I sat by his bedside day and night watching his life ebb away with every breath knowing there was nothing I could do except talk about all our memories and sing to him and hold his hand and watch as cancer took my dad forever. I used to go out on the road with dad when I was younger he was a trucker, we would go hill walking, he waited outside night clubs for me at 3am, my dad was my best friend, my driving instructor, taxi, confidant, taught me life lessons about what’s important, it’s been 7 weeks and I’m still sitting in the same spot hoping it’s a nightmare and he’s about to come home from a camping trip Im afraid to step forward without him, I’m afraid that means leaving him behind, I’m afraid to walk the rest alone I’ve been sat here so long for the first time in my life I feel lost I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do now, I don’t know how or what I’m suppose to feel, I smile and say I’m fine, I cry into my pillow at night when everyone is asleep, it sounds stupid as I have a husband and son at home I have a fairly large family but they are grieving too, I don’t want them to be upset or worried I sit there unemotional when members of my family cry about the loss of there brother, cousin, uncle it must seem to them that I don’t care but truth is it feels like my heart has died and I have this gaping hole left and I feel the emptiness and it’s sadness I don’t know what to do


Hello @Lostsoul2 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

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Hi, sorry for the grief that has prompted your post. It sounds like your Dad was very loving and caring, no wonder you feel this loss so deeply. It’s still early days for you in this grief journey but you will move forward and everything your Dad has gifted you will be within you. You’ll eventually adapt to the absence of him physically and remember all the wonderful memories and love. Take your time, it will be a long journey. Best wishes xx

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I really do know just how you are feeling…having only just lost my wonderful Dad…
Exactly how you describe…
It truly feels like your heart has ’ died’…
Impossible to put into words…
I know your agony…
Please try to take care…I’m trying…as people tell me to take care…but everything feels so empty…

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I feel the same . My Dad died 3 weeks ago . I miss him So much .

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@Lostsoul2 I lost my Dad 24 weeks ago this Wednesday. I know a bit of how you’re feeling. I miss Dad’s humour, his practical skills, his unique take on life & the ppl in it. His inability to look after any tools he had. I’ve yet to find a complete set of any, which has made me smile on occasions. I seem to have a permanent weight in my stomach. Like you, I cry at night. It’s like it builds thru the day & that’s my release. It’s hard going thru the motions, pretending you’re ok so I get that. I suppose I just wanted you to know, I understand how it feels & it’s a pain that is hard to define. X

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Lostsoul2, What you have written could have been written by me except my dad passed away 4 weeks ago. He passed away 1 week after pancreatic cancer diagnosis although I watched him become weaker & frail for a few months & I spent weeks contacting his GP begging for help but was totally let down. I am trying to be strong as I am supporting my mum but I’m exhausted physically, mentally & emotionally. I am devastated as we had an amazing relationship and I just can’t believe I will never see him again. I feel every day I am just going through the motions of being normal

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I too lost my amazing dad in March and I am struggling to come to terms with it. When I get upset I find I say to people ‘I am not always like this’ like I am excusing myself for being grief stricken but I don’t want everyone to think I need help. I want to grieve, I want to cry. Like a lot of people have mentioned I am struggling as yet to remember the great times before he became ill and keep focussing on the last few weeks which were indeed horrific. I still can’t think it’s a blessing he is not longer in pain as he was my dad. I miss my dad. So difficult…

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Hi Lostsoul2,
I am so sorry about your dad What you are feeling is normal.Grief is horrible and here is no right or wrong way to deal with it. Take baby steps each day. My mum passed last Dec and I was exactly like you I couldn’t move from the car and was sobbing my heart out almost every second of every day and through the night I found this site one night and it saved me. People replied and that kept me going.I met people who were going through the same as me and it eased things a little as initially I had people to write to that really understood. Then I gained true friends. I too went through end of life with my mum and was shocked at what that entailed.I don’t think I will ever come to terms with it to be honest.
Your dad sounds such a wonderful dad and in time you will find such comfort in all the memories you have of him and what he did for you. But for now you need to concentrate on yourself and sort your own wellbeing out and keep strong.
You could set up a memory table for your dad.I did this for my mum with a photo a cross candle and flowers on it I spend time there alone with her when everyone is asleep or early in the morning so I can talk to her.It feels personal. Or maybe a place in your garden. Things work for different people.When someone mentioned it to me I thought no way it’s not for me but how wrong was.It has given me a focus as I had nothing else.
I still feel like you with a gaping hole sad all the time miserable and just depressed most of the time but I know that will take ages to change I have a husband and one son who is 28 so I try to put a brave face on for them.
Keep posting ok
Deborah x


I feel the same as my Dad passed away and my Mum has slight dementia and will ask me where he is.

Feel free to message if you need help or support xx

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