Oh gosh the days are so long since I lost my husband in late July and I feel so lonely .The pain is so overwhelming and I read the posts that everyone has written and I feel so sorry that we are all here.It is a struggle to get up in the morning and though I try to be more positive and know that David wouldn’t want me to be like this I end up a crying mess and my heart hurts so much.How do we cope when our loved one has gone.
Hi Trac, a lot of us still struggle after many months, so don’t feel scared, it is normal for you to find it so difficult after a few weeks. Yes, the days really drag on, waking up in the morning is the worst for me, I know I have a whole day ahead of potential suffering, and that is scary and overwhelming. Some days I just stay in bed till noon, but then I feel as if I am wasting my life and that my dad would hate it, and so it is a lose-lose situation. That’s why many people say we need to take things hour by hour, just not think about the whole day, just think of getting by the hour, and if we manage to have a few hours in the day where we were ok, then we did very well.
Please keep posting here as I think it will help you, there are lots of kind women here who have lost their husbands and will be able to give you the help you need like @crazy_kate and @Stargazer and @mrscolt, please do not hesitate to reach out to them.
3 Likes
Thankyou -what you have said has helped so much and made me realise just to take one day at a time and to just do what i can each day,
1 Like
Thankyou -yes i struggle to get out of bed but then feel worse if i stay in bed–but yes your advice of breaking the day into hours and realising that just achieving small tasks is ok each day.
I make lists.
I list all the things I ought to do, or wanted to do but didn’t have time, in the house and garden.
And all the household things that always need to be done.
I just work through them as I feel like it - no pressure - there are lots more days.
And I eat dinner late - 8 or 9 pm sometimes. It seems to make the evenings shorter
Hope that helps
Thanks jaldi–I love the list idea and I need to keep busy as this seems to help so will start the list tomorrow .
The pain is overwhelming and life can feel very surreal , you wonder how you can bear it , but you get by day after day in a shambolic mess until one day the pain is almost bearable and you turn some of your thoughts to doing the things that need doing for yourself and slowly continue one day after another ,hollowed out but continuing , there is no quick fix no miracle answer , it has to be endured but you do finally accept the change and live a very diffrent life ,albeit not the one we wanted , take care its early days yet
1 Like
I felt sad reading your reply because I can feel how painful its been for you but it also gave me hope that I will get to accept whats happened and hope for the future—thank you Geoff-tee.
I totally understand how you feel. I lost my beloved Derek to cancer on May 29th and since then I have a pain in my heart and a weight on my chest which will not go away. I don’t know about you but I am so jealous of everybody living their lives with their partners by their side. I just hope the feelings become less intense through time.
The feelings become less intense but the jealousy remains so much still to have been done , I thought maybe another 30 years , then you see an old couple in there 80s hand in hand and just want to scream it’s not fair
It is hard to see everyone living their normal life as our life has changed so much and trying to find meaning to our life now without our loved one -I find comfort in being on this site as everyone understands.
1 Like