Days too long

To my husband who died 6 months ago if only I could say.: How do I fill my days now that you have gone. All my thoughts are of our memories and of times that will never come again no more plans for Christmas or holidays or long walks in the country. When our two elderly dogs died one year be for the other I then never thought that next year you too will be gone. Oh if I could put the clock back and change everything and make a lovely future together where you can relax and take it easy no more rushing around I would. You did so much for me over 33 years that I feel guilty now. We never had the time then, now the days are too long. How much I want to see you and tell you that I love you.

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Hi. Sugarkane. I found your post very moving because it says so much about how so many of us feel. You can still do what you so want to. You can still love him, we all can love our lost ones. Love goes way beyond the grave.
Love is universal and indestructible. Death plays no part in it. We can’t put words to it because words are inadequate in your situation.
We can’t bring back the past and accepting that fact can help. But we can look to the future and ask what our loved one would have wanted for us. Would they want us to be miserable and grieving for them all the time? We will grieve, of course we will, and for some time the pain will be there. But I have found, after 20 months that the pain does ease if only a little. There is hope, there always is. I still have my moments, but now I can look back at better times and not be so upset.
Take care. Try and be kind to yourself in the knowledge that love never dies. Blessings. John.

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I agree with a lot of what you are saying. The problem I have is that, as well as missing my husband of 54 years of marriage, I feel so sad for what he is missing. That to me is upsetting me more than being without him. He will never see his beloved granddaughter as she studies to become a midwife. He will never see any great- grandchildren we might have. He will never again drive the car he saved so hard for and only drove a few times. He will never get to buy the flat in France we planned to get after Covid went away. There are so many things and I find that I can’t enjoy anything or look forward to anything because he can’t share it. He was a lovely man and I ache with missing him.

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That is exactly how I feel about my dad. I can live with my own loss, however sad it may be, what I find most difficult is he never got to see any grandkids, he really wanted grandkids, all his friends had grandkids, but he never got to see any. He never got to see my future wife. He had only one holiday in the last 47 years. There is so much he should have done that he did not get to due to his ill health and poverty. That just makes me incredibly sad.

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