Dealing with grief

I’m finding things really hard. Miss my dad so much. He was my world and my hero. Every second of every day I think of him. Got so many emotions going on in my mind. My life will never be the same again without him. I have tried to get help but it’s too soon as they say you have to go through the griefing process. My opinion is you need the help now not in 6 months time. My feelings will never change from this moment or in 6 months time. Wish I could speak to someone now. Just so I can express my feelings and try and get some normality back in my life.

Hi Joey. It’s so hard. I came onto the site tonight because it’s nearly 6 months since my beautiful mum died and I’m struggling to cope but I remember the early days and feeling the same as you. Trust me when I say I remember curling in a ball crying that I needed help even before the funeral and couldn’t understand why I had to wait. But now I get it. After 7 or so weeks I had my first counselling session but half way through I knew it was too early. I wasn’t able to have a conversation as my thoughts were still too muddled. I hope you have someone you can be open with, even just to ask for a cuddle. You may be right, at 6 months you may not feel any different. I still hurt as much as I did the day I lost my mum. Some days more. But some time with your own thoughts isn’t the worst thing. Talk to those around you. Talk to your dad if it helps. I still chat away to my mum. Some days it helps, some it just reminds me she can’t answer but the important thing is to do what feels right for you right now. The one thing I will say is that I don’t think talking helps you to get “normality”. Everything has changed for me and life isn’t normal anymore. There’s no magic answer that will help you through this. We all just muddle on until our new life without them emerges. At least I hope so. It’s still early days. Xx

Hi Kay
Thank you for your reply. It’s so tough. My dad passed the end of march. He had Alzheimer’s he was only 68. My mum put him in a home which I didn’t know about. She told me he was going into respite. He was at the advanced stage but could still walk talk feed himself. As he was too knowing he couldn’t cope with being in there and wanted to go home. Then because he could not settle they sectioned him. It was so unfair. He walked into that hospital thinking he was going to get the right help with his medication and then he thought he was going home. They tried him on all different drugs and messed him around terribly. Using different drugs. Within a few weeks he was bed bound they wouldn’t let him walk because of his behavior and then in just all went downhill. Before all this he knew me and was functioning as well as he could. In the end they just gave up on him and said no drugs are working. They then decided to stop all food and fluids. He then died 12 days after. It was so cruel. Just watching him deteriorate every day. He was my world and my hero. Coming to terms with all this is really hard for me. Wish there was someone I could speak to. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care xx

Hi Joey, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. My dad also passed away at the end of March and was only 68. It was really sudden. I know how you are feeling, it’s really hard and still feels unreal. If only you could stop and go back in time and change it all. I’ve kept it all in but It’s getting harder as again don’t know who to talk to, who can understand what you’re going though. I hope you are keeping well though. Take Care x

Hi.aj-n. thank you for your reply. Im so sorry for your loss too. It’s tough. I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I miss him terribly. The pain is so intense it’s hard to explain. I feel as though I’m in a different world to everyone else. I hope you have good support from your family and friends. I have isolated myself and going out I find really hard. Been suffering from really bad panic attacks aswell. Just try to take one day at a time. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or private message me. Take care xx

Hi Joey, you poor thing you’re going through a terrible time. I know the pain of loss, I lost my brother two weeks ago and the pain is so hard to deal with. I keep thinking I should have done more, but realistically I know I did everything I could for him. I just want to turn back the clock. We’re all in the same boat aren’t we? I’ve suffered the loss of both my parents and now my only sibling, I feel completely lost but I know time will make it easier to live with. I do hope this site will help you xxx It’s helping me to see i’m not alone.

Hi Joey
I can relate to your feelings so much and have such empathy for you, I don’t think anyone knows exactly how anyone else is feeling but we are all on this ‘page’ for a reason and I do believe and hope that it will help us all to talk to others in similar situations…
I lost my beloved Dad, my hero within fourteen weeks last August and still cannot believe I won’t see him again or be able to talk and hold him again, it’s all raw and still unreal it was never meant to happen…
I think it helps to get counselling and I was lucky to have a 6 weeks course but I think I was looking for a miracle cure and that obviously does not happen, I do believe you need someone close to talk to and release your feelings, cry when you need to cry and hold nothing in…
Life will never be the same again for any of us and goodness knows how we learn to get through this time, one thing I did learn from the counselling was that the five stages of grief that is talked about isn’t necessarily true for everyone and just to take tiny steps and a day at a time and be kind to yourself…
I still cry everyday, look at photos of my beloved Dad everyday and talk to him constantly…
You obviously had a wonderful relationship with your precious Dad, as I did, so I guess we are very lucky in that sense to have had that and be loved so greatly…but makes it all so extremely hard when we lose them…
A close friend said to me ‘you will never get over such a loss of someone so dear and nor should you want to’ you just have to find a road somehow to live with it…:frowning:
Take care
Thinking of you and everyone else lots…
Let’s keep talking…
Claire

Hi Josie. I’m so sorry for your loss. Every day is a struggle for me. Today I’m having a really bad day. Each day seems to be getting worse. Just stuck in my own world. This site is great as I don’t feel alone. This griefing process is so hard. I have to return to work soon and I feel like I have lost all my confidence. Tomorrow I have to attend a meeting to arrange some councilling. I just keep re living all the bad images in my head. My poor dad suffered terribly. I miss him so much. At the moment I’m just trying to get through each day. Take care Josie xx

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