Dealing with loss and feeling alone

Coping with bereavement
#1

I lost my partner just over a year ago i feel so lost and so sad i miss him so much i dont even have the words to say i find that although i have a big family and a few very good friends i still feel very alone. I dont like bringing people down with how i am feeling and i always help with there problems but feel like cant really share my own as know they dont understand how i feel. I spend most of my time at home alone and can sometimes go somewhile without speaking to someone which is sometimes my own fault as i dont reach out as i dont know who to or i dont reply to messages. I work in a callcentre n its tiring for 8hrs a day yo smile and pretend everything is ok when its not
I would be so grateful to anyone that would take time to speak to me whos had similar experience sorry if above is abit of a ramble
Thankyou anyone who took the time to read x

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#2

Hello @Nicnmik ,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your partner that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

You may also want to explore ‘At a Loss’. At a Loss help people to find bereavement support close to home (if available) - Bereavement support organisations across the UK. They also have a number of helpful bereavement resources here: Helpful reading, websites and other resources for bereaved adults and children.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

#3

Hi @Nicnmik You’ve summed up grief and bereavement for a lot of us pretty well. Some people think that after the funeral you should be getting back to normal and cracking on with life. Other people feel awkward when I mention my late partner and others have drifted away from that position of ‘If you need anything I’m there for you’ to pretty much being invisible. As someone who lost their partner 5 months ago I learnt pretty quickly that a lot of people have not experienced the loss of a partner/wife/husband and I think unless you have it is difficult to relate to those that have (and that can apply to counsellors too). I accept that my life has changed and that people around me are busy getting on with their lives but it can be a lonely place that we find ourselves in. Is there a local bereavement group that you might be able to join? There is nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel - it’s just not everyone knows how to deal with that honesty when you speak to them. I think on these forums though you will find people willing to listen to you and they will ‘get you’ because we are all on that journey. Best wishes.

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#4

Hi thankyou for the message i am so sorry for your loss i know what you mean i used to have a lot more froends than i do know now they are just facebook friends that will occasionally comment on a picture or post but never get a call or message anymore
I always find it so strange how life just seems to be keep moving and i feel am here waiting till i get to see my michael again. I dunno if you get those days where out of the blue you just cant stop crying. I havent really gone to any bereavement group i wouldnt know where to find an to be honest dont think id be comfortable going maybe one day. I did try to reach out to doctor but all they said was to take anti depressants which i know works for some people but am not a person that tablets so kinda felt like i wasnt heard
Again another ramble thankyiu for the advice and am sure i will get more supprort on here which i will be very thankful for

#5

Grief is so very individual - don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling or what you should be doing. Take those those small steps one at a time and before long youll look back and realise how far you’ve come.

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#6

Thankyou xx

#7

Hello @Nicnmik - firstly, I am so sorry that Michael has died - losing a partner is a hard, hard, hard thing to go through. I know - my husband died almost a year and a half ago, so you and I are on a similar time-line. I live alone, too. I spend great chunks of time by myself - though I do work part-time, it is remote. I find I have my worst days if I stay in the house, or see no-one, for days. Earlier on, in grief, I would be really quite isolated as I battled for probate, with builders, with lawyers, with all of it. Later, more recently, my job has helped me lift my eyes off the floor and to the horizon again, and gradually, through putting myself out there, I realise I have lots left to offer, many places yet to see. My friend, while I know it is tempting to shut down and shut out the world, as I did, I found that ultimately this doesn’t really help. Try and return some messages. It doesn’t matter if they were sent months ago and you feel bad you didn’t get back in touch. True friends will understand and will be delighted to hear from you.

You have a super tough job to do while grieving - crikey, I am in awe of you for holding down this role while feeling utterly broken. For that, take a bow, or a pat on the back and say to yourself “Look how far I have come. Look at what I have achieved”. Maybe write down a few things which you are proud you have done. It doesn’t have to be huge, eye-popping wins, just anything you remember that took a big effort - and you did it. Adjusting to our new lives, alone, after a losing the best thing in our lives, in our history, is difficult, painful, raw. It sounds to me as though you are stronger than you think. Know you have friends here who understand and who are here for you. Take care, and that bow, my friend.

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#8

Nicely said :slight_smile:

#9

I am so sorry you lost your husband thankyou so much i have become quite good at hiding how i actually feel especially at work except the one panic attack but i was lucky i was able to gwt to the bathroom before any one noticed. I am getting better at answering messags but then it sounds terrible but my best friend has so much drama going on i try and be as supportive as i can but sometimes i just find it to much am trying to hold myself up so difficult holding up someone else as well so thibk thats another reason i avoid reaching out as i know am letting other down
I did start writing to my michael did a little over view of my day talking as if he was hear wrote down all my memories helped for a little while but then i just started feeling numb. You have been so strong i am sure your husband is looking down on you so proud xx

#10

@Nicnmik - Michael will be looking down on you, super proud, super impressed and loving you so much. When we go through pain of partner loss, we have to conserve our energy, physical and emotional, to survive. It is like we circle the waggons around ourselves, because if we don’t, we drown. You are not letting anyone else down, you are saving yourself. Remember that part of the briefing on the plane - always secure your own mask, before trying to help anyone else. That is what you are doing, my friend, securing your own air supply. You are doing really well. Let’s go together into the week ahead. You have friends here. We understand. We are with you.

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#11

Thankyou so much was lovely to resd this today l, today would have been our anniversary just miss him so much

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