Dealing with the loss of my husband

I lost my husband 9 weeks ago and I feel as if the grief is getting worse. I have these waves that wash over me . I cry such a lot I’ve been to the doctor who told me to not let it get a hold of me . I’m sure all this is normal but until this last few days I thought I was coping quite well.

I lost my husband 4 weeks ago and am trying to be strong but I know it will get harder. Nobody can possibly know how we feel unless they have gone through this. Keep strong and know there are other people going through the same feelings

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Thank you it certainly does help . I try to take it one day at a time but not being in control of my emotions is really hard.

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Hi, I lost my husband almost 7 weeks ago, aged 37. We’ve been married since we were 19 and have two young children. Like you, the grief comes in terrible waves but I had thought I was moving in the right direction until today. Today has felt like I’m back to square one again. It’s such awful pain, and yes, I find it hard being so out of control of my emotions. I ache for our bereaved children too. People tell me the grief softens with time and one learns to live alongside it. Xxx

It’s some consolation that what is happening is all part of the grief process but it doesn’t stop the hurt. Stay strong which I know you have too with young children but look after yourself xx

It frightens me all this. Thinking that you are going to get through it but then you hear it has its black dark days down the line. I don’t think you ever get over it but learn to live with it. Very frightening and wonder if I can cope with all this. My world has fallen apart and will I ever be the same person again. I don’t think so but everyone tells me I will learn to live again.

It is almost five months since I lost my husband. Last week I thought that I was beginning to come to terms with it but yesterday I went back to square one. Next Wednesday I am having to go to the inquest into his death because the Coroner has asked me to attend. I don’t want to go but maybe once it is over I will be able to move on a bit. Judging by all the sad postings on here, it takes a long time to accept losing a loved one, but at this moment, I cannot see my ever being able to do that. I would never self-harm because of my family but sometimes I want to just go to bed and not wake up again. My son is taking me to the inquest but I wish there was some way I could get out of it. On the other hand, it will avoid the Coroner having to postpone to another date.

It really is like a roller coaster. I hope after the Inquest things will calm down for you. I’m in a similar position but we’re at the stage where we’re waiting to see if there will be an inquest it’s coming up to ten weeks and we don’t have any answers.
Stay strong as I am told things will get better. X

Thank you, Keswick. This has been hanging over me since my husband died in June. I know that they must be busy but it’s too long to wait for a hearing. Hopefully, yours will be settled soon.x

Hello I am sorry to hear of this I lost two closest people about a year ago and am retired with no family and feel the same. 9 weeks is a very short time to try and get over it-take each day and dont be ashamed to talk to a photo thats how I get through it I talk to their photos and ask for their help to take me through it

I’m sure we will get through because we have too. Life won’t be the same it will be different but on the positive side we may become stronger. That’s all we can hope for. X

I do the same I talk to his photo and even though I cry it does help . I have family and they are a good support but I’m conscious they lost their dad and they need to grieve x

I lost a very close friend Anne who was my soul-mate and like you I am hurting so much that I want to be with her more than being alive on earth. Take heart I know what you are going through. I am keeping Anne in my heart as you are keeping your husband in yours. Someone said Grief is the price we pay for love… too true I think

The trouble is all us lonely people never seem to meet up anywhere! There are lots of lonely people around like christmas I always spend it in a hotel alone I go to the theatre in London alone-there just doesnt seem to be the facilities or many organisations to help lonely bereaved people get together especially when were older!!!

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I dont care what people think so if I want to go to something then I just do it otherwise id never go anywhere if anyone was to ask why your alone tell them a friend was coming and they were taken ill yesterday!!! I dont have any family so I am literally very alone!!!

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Kris, reading your posts reminded me that there are other grieving people out there who are worse off than I. At least I have family although, apart from one son and his wife, they seem to treat me as if I should be over it by now. Years ago, no elderly widow/widower would have been left to live alone, as someone would have offered them a home, even if only temporary. Now, they are all so busy leading their own lives that there isn’t the time to take Mum or Dad in. I find that loneliness is one of the worst sides to being widowed. Very gradually I am coming to terms with the fact that my husband will not be coming back but sitting in my flat without him is driving me crazy. I go out walking a lot but with the winter approaching, that won’t always be an option. Near me there is a bereavement group run by the United Reform Church, and I am going along on Tusday to see what it is about. Trouble is, they only meet once a month but it’s better than nothing. I tried Cruse but it was hopeless. They sent me a message to say they would contact me when they can, whatever that means. If anyone can think of a solution I would love to know. Best wishes to you all. Eileen

Just to clarify it wasnt my husband but a very close friend who was my rock my companion etc but its just as bad as losing a husband especially when it was the NHS who neglected him for too many years hence his ailment got the better of him.

Well, here I am, the day after the inquest and do I feel better? The answer is ‘no’. It was not as distressing as I thought it would be, and the Coroner, who was a very nice man returned a verdict of Accidental Death due to the fall my husband had in Sainsburys. Afterwards, I felt as if the door had finally shut on my 66 years with Bill, and all that is left is a huge gap where he should be. As I am now 86, my hope is that it won’t be too long before I see him again. If anyone can give me any advice on how to live with this, I would be grateful. I am lucky to have a family but they all seem to have moved on, which is how it should be, and I feel as desolate as ever especially with Christmas looming ever nearer. Kind regards to you all. Eileen

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Thank you, Sheila, for your lovely response to my posting. I feel deeply for your friend who has lost a son. It must be the worst kind of experience, losing a child. I know this because my sister, a widow, lost a son who was 46 and she says that for her it was different than when her husband died. Both caused her terrible grief but the death of her son was, she says, harder to come to terms with. I hope and pray that my two sons and two daughters outlive me by many years. My biggest problem now is living alone without my life’s love and companion. We both knew that one of us would be left behind at some point, and having listened to the Coroner reading the autopsy report yesterday made me glad that Bill went first because his quality of life would have been NIL in a short time to come. In some ways his accident was a blessing in disguise because at least he died peacefully with my holding his hand, and did not have to suffer from the many things found to be wrong with him. Like you, I am no longer interested in Christmas. I will be spending it with one of my sons but it means nothing to me, and the decorations will remain in their box this year. All I can think of is the Spring with its lighter nights and sunny days. Only then will I get better, I hope. Your husband’s last joke gave me something to smile about. It would have been just the sort of thing my husband might have said. Best wishes, and I hope that we will all be feeling better soon. Eileen xx

My husband took his own life in March, he was only 38 and we had 3 children, I was so angry at him for the first few months. It does get easier but doesn’t go away I feel like I’m always asking my 8 year old whether she needs to talk about daddy as I don’t know what she’s thinking or feeling. I found him as he hung himself so I get freaked out regularly when I’m alone if it’s dark, people think your a robot if you appear to be coping just because it seems that way doesn’t mean you are xx