Dealing with the loss of my husband

I lost my husband 9 weeks ago and I feel as if the grief is getting worse. I have these waves that wash over me . I cry such a lot I’ve been to the doctor who told me to not let it get a hold of me . I’m sure all this is normal but until this last few days I thought I was coping quite well.

I lost my husband 4 weeks ago and am trying to be strong but I know it will get harder. Nobody can possibly know how we feel unless they have gone through this. Keep strong and know there are other people going through the same feelings

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Thank you it certainly does help . I try to take it one day at a time but not being in control of my emotions is really hard.

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Hi, I lost my husband almost 7 weeks ago, aged 37. We’ve been married since we were 19 and have two young children. Like you, the grief comes in terrible waves but I had thought I was moving in the right direction until today. Today has felt like I’m back to square one again. It’s such awful pain, and yes, I find it hard being so out of control of my emotions. I ache for our bereaved children too. People tell me the grief softens with time and one learns to live alongside it. Xxx

It’s some consolation that what is happening is all part of the grief process but it doesn’t stop the hurt. Stay strong which I know you have too with young children but look after yourself xx

It frightens me all this. Thinking that you are going to get through it but then you hear it has its black dark days down the line. I don’t think you ever get over it but learn to live with it. Very frightening and wonder if I can cope with all this. My world has fallen apart and will I ever be the same person again. I don’t think so but everyone tells me I will learn to live again.

It is almost five months since I lost my husband. Last week I thought that I was beginning to come to terms with it but yesterday I went back to square one. Next Wednesday I am having to go to the inquest into his death because the Coroner has asked me to attend. I don’t want to go but maybe once it is over I will be able to move on a bit. Judging by all the sad postings on here, it takes a long time to accept losing a loved one, but at this moment, I cannot see my ever being able to do that. I would never self-harm because of my family but sometimes I want to just go to bed and not wake up again. My son is taking me to the inquest but I wish there was some way I could get out of it. On the other hand, it will avoid the Coroner having to postpone to another date.

It really is like a roller coaster. I hope after the Inquest things will calm down for you. I’m in a similar position but we’re at the stage where we’re waiting to see if there will be an inquest it’s coming up to ten weeks and we don’t have any answers.
Stay strong as I am told things will get better. X

Thank you, Keswick. This has been hanging over me since my husband died in June. I know that they must be busy but it’s too long to wait for a hearing. Hopefully, yours will be settled soon.x

Hello I am sorry to hear of this I lost two closest people about a year ago and am retired with no family and feel the same. 9 weeks is a very short time to try and get over it-take each day and dont be ashamed to talk to a photo thats how I get through it I talk to their photos and ask for their help to take me through it

I’m sure we will get through because we have too. Life won’t be the same it will be different but on the positive side we may become stronger. That’s all we can hope for. X

I do the same I talk to his photo and even though I cry it does help . I have family and they are a good support but I’m conscious they lost their dad and they need to grieve x

I lost a very close friend Anne who was my soul-mate and like you I am hurting so much that I want to be with her more than being alive on earth. Take heart I know what you are going through. I am keeping Anne in my heart as you are keeping your husband in yours. Someone said Grief is the price we pay for love… too true I think

Hello everyone, I have posted quite a few things on here over the last few months so you may know my story. This is the most terrifying thing anyone can go through, the death of a loved one. It does not matter whether you have been together for many years or not, whether the person was young or old, the only thing that matters is that we have all lost out future with them, the person who died has also lost their future with us and that is what is killing us. You do not get over this in a few months, you don’t get over it in a year or even longer in my case, but what does happen is that you start to realise that this has actually happened and there is no way to go but forward. Many of us are lucky enough to have family that love us and for that we should be grateful and realise that they are also grieving too. You learn to smile until your face aches, you go to family get together’s and laugh and joke but inside you are screaming because the one person you want to be there is missing. You go home, many of us to an empty house and then we sit and cry. No matter how well you think you are doing, you go out for the day, come back home and when you open that door it hits you all over again as all you can hear is silence. Time for me will not end my grief ever, I am still learning to live without the man I met when we were little more than children and spent most of my life with. There is a saying I saw online and it was ‘I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you, then I realised, you spent the rest of your life with me, I smile because I know you loved me until the day you went away and will keep on loving me until the day we are together again’. I believe I will see my husband and family of the past again and that is what keeps me going. I hope everyone finds some sort of peace in the weeks, months and years to come all we have to do is try and be strong and get through one day at a time. Best wishes to you all.

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The trouble is all us lonely people never seem to meet up anywhere! There are lots of lonely people around like christmas I always spend it in a hotel alone I go to the theatre in London alone-there just doesnt seem to be the facilities or many organisations to help lonely bereaved people get together especially when were older!!!

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Hello Kris, I totally agree with you. I go to a club once a month, they have bric-a-brac stall and all proceeds of the sales go to their chosen charity of the year. Different people come and give talks etc and they arrange meals out at different restaurants which is lovely, but the problem is many of us no longer drive due to some medical condition or another and to get a taxi adds another £30 onto the day out otherwise you have to get goodness knows how many bus’s there and back which is a toil of a pleasure. Our families cannot take us during the week as they are working so sadly not many of us go. I keep waiting for them to book a restaurant near where I live but so far nothing. You are very brave Kris, I could not go to a show alone as much as I love shows. I remember when I was in my teens back in the early 60’s, I was meeting my best friend in the bus station to go and see Elvis Presley in a film called Flaming Star but she never turned up, no mobile’phones in those days. So I went on my own and it was terrible, everyone was with someone so I left before the end. It turned out she had been taken ill and could not make it. But it made me not want to ever go on my own again. Until there is an answer for lonely people we will just have to grin and bear it. Take care Kris. If you lived nearer we could go together. Sheila

I dont care what people think so if I want to go to something then I just do it otherwise id never go anywhere if anyone was to ask why your alone tell them a friend was coming and they were taken ill yesterday!!! I dont have any family so I am literally very alone!!!

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Good for you Kris.

Kris, reading your posts reminded me that there are other grieving people out there who are worse off than I. At least I have family although, apart from one son and his wife, they seem to treat me as if I should be over it by now. Years ago, no elderly widow/widower would have been left to live alone, as someone would have offered them a home, even if only temporary. Now, they are all so busy leading their own lives that there isn’t the time to take Mum or Dad in. I find that loneliness is one of the worst sides to being widowed. Very gradually I am coming to terms with the fact that my husband will not be coming back but sitting in my flat without him is driving me crazy. I go out walking a lot but with the winter approaching, that won’t always be an option. Near me there is a bereavement group run by the United Reform Church, and I am going along on Tusday to see what it is about. Trouble is, they only meet once a month but it’s better than nothing. I tried Cruse but it was hopeless. They sent me a message to say they would contact me when they can, whatever that means. If anyone can think of a solution I would love to know. Best wishes to you all. Eileen

Just to clarify it wasnt my husband but a very close friend who was my rock my companion etc but its just as bad as losing a husband especially when it was the NHS who neglected him for too many years hence his ailment got the better of him.