My husband died suddenly while we were shopping 1 week a go
My husband died suddenly last week while we were in France I’m in total shock please help
Hi All
My husband died 10 weeks ago, after an illness of a few months, and things do seem to have changed over time.
I still have all his things around me, I have printed many photos and regularly talk to them. I sometimes joke that at least now he does not answer back!
I try and go out a lot, meet with friend & get by as best I can from
day to day.
I am lucky I don’t have children at home to consider but I do get lonely in our big house.
I try to take all Counselling opportunities that arise and actively seek them out. It seems to help to keep telling my story and re thinking what has happened.
Like others I would like to meet people in a similar position and have just found out about a local group so hopefully that will be helpful.
Wishing you all some peace and comfort. Staying strong sounds good but I am not sure if that sometimes carry’s the meaning
not to cry and I do believe that crying is helpful. x
hi all once again I can’t sleep so I have Been sat here reading al l your post how very sad w all are ,I keep walking to the window and looking out into the darkness ,there is a slight breeze,and it looks so cold and I wonder how all our loved ones fit up there ,I also wonder if they can see our pain and agony because it is agony,and it is beyond pain that darkness that I am looking out on feels like my heart cold damp weiry I only hope that one day we can all feel again
Hello Teresa. Another who cannot sleep, I echo your sentiments entirely. It’s been 12 months, just over and I feel pretty dreadful too. I remember messaging you in the early days, my Husband was a Dennis too. I have started not to sleep at night, then feel exhausted all day but still can’t sleep, it’s like a vicious circle. Take care
Hello Sheila. I understand what you mean about sleep. At one time sleep defined and separated night from day didn’t it, now it seems dozing spells are just little interludes to a constant 24 hour period. I don’t envy you the Xmas arrangements front. Dennis and me didn’t make a fuss about Xmas for ourselves so I won’t miss it personally. Hope generally things are going ok for you. Things aren’t great for me as on top of not really coping with losing my Husband I don’t think I will have my Mum much longer. It’s strange as I often wondered how my Husband would cope with my grief when the worst happened with my Mum but now I won’t have his support at all when that happens. Plus we are all stressed about our German Shepherd as we took her to the vets with what we thought was an abscess but it’s a mass and likely to be cancerous by the look on the vets face. It was sad to read of your friends loss, it must be hell for his family. Sometimes you simply just ask yourself “why”? Take care.
I wonder if anyone else is in the situation where they don’t know what to do for the best!
I find that if I am at home all day I feel really lonely & low by the end but if I arrange to go out, it seems a real effort and I don’t want to do it but I am a little bit less sad & lonely at the end of the day. i tend try and organise it to have alternate days of doing or not doing things.
I find the grandchildren uplifting but when I see them, like you, Sheila, they tire me much more than when Pete was with me.
Everything seems such an effort now, I am going to
A grown in Australia for Xmas, which sounds grest but really I am just running away bcos I could not bear a Xmas & New Year here doing everything without Pete for the first time.
I might be stronger next year, I am hoping so but some of you seem to feel just as sad & bereft 12 months on anyway.
Wishing you all some solace
Sally xx
Thanks for your kind wishes Sheila, I did read about Barney which saddened me a lot. I know all dogs are wonderful creatures but GSD’s have a wonderfully strong presence don’t they. If the worst happens there won’t be another, Zara was our 2nd GSD, I know you have had several yourself. Thanks for your reply and warmest wishes to you.
Hello , I am so sorry for your loss . I lost my husband nearly 7 months ago suddenly . I sleep maybe 5 hours a day , am never hungry ( lost so much weight) , don’t watch television any more . I wish I could help you I really do . I’ve just gone back to work everybody else says it’s the right move , I’ll try anything to help me then ultimately my 4 children xxx
Hi there
Lost of your lost,lost my husband too just gone 4 weeks and it’s been hard with have small children and he was 34 years old and I feel that apart of me has gone with him… I not coping very well… How are you coping been 9 weeks x
I lost my husband last January and I still have days that are not good. The majority of days and weeks are really good. I have a wonderful son and daughter 5 grandchildren and 2 great granddaughters and good friends but some days the grief overwhelms me, we were married 43 years, he was my best friend, husband, confident and lover. Everyone deals differently with grief but no one really understands what we as a person goes through its very difficult to explain the loss and pain the loneliness and being alone. People say get on with your lives it gets easier but does it. This is not a dampener for anyone so please no one take offence. I hope anyone reading this that hasn’t gone what we have may have some understanding. Take care everyone x
Hi Sheila thanks for reply same here him not being here am more alone than lonely it’s sometimes easier said than done to go out especially on your own. I do go out during the day but only occasionally at night. Take care
Everything you have written echoes so closely with how I feel. The problem is that Until we experience this awful thing we have absolutely no idea what it is like and what to expect. It does help to realise that others in a similar situation feel just as you feel. Things like the agony of family gatherings without your loved one, social outings and always the coming back to that empty house and silence. Having grieved the loss of my husband deeply for 6months or so I find I am now grieving for our future together and the loss of my way of life and all the plans we made. It does help to reflect on the good things in the past and to be grateful for all you had together. But the grieving g goes on and on
My mantra is “One day at a time “ and the grieving process is not linear. We go back and forth in our feelings and just keep going.
Thank you for your thoughts and advise and for making me feel I am not alone in all this
Allison
Hi Lonely
I feel sometimes that I am just existing. I to did everything with my husband social etc except for work. Sometimes I don’t want to come back to an empty house but it’s our home. We to had our house up for sale but due to his illness it had to be put of, the trouble is I am rattling round in a 3 bedroom house but still very undecided what to do. I sometimes think it might be better to move right away from the area and start again. Time will tell I know that but it just doesn’t seem to get any easier. Someone told me that once and I didn’t believe them and even said that’s not going to be me but at the moment it is. I really hate how I feel at times and get very cross with myself. I will say this though I will not be beaten by my feelings of loss and being alone I will get through it and I no that it will take time as grief has no calender of time. I was married for 43 years and I loved my husband very much and still talk to him each day. I no he wouldn’t want me to be as I am but we can’t help how we feel.
Hi Jerry
There seems to be quite a divide between people who stay in their together home after bereavement and those who need to move. It is such a hard decision to make. I moved very quickly after my husbands death 9 months age. I felt that the home we had chosen together and loved was just not home any more, like you I rattled around in a house too big. I couldn’t eat at the dining table because he wasn’t there. I hated climbing the stairs to bed knowing he wouldn’t be with me. I think I shocked my friends and family be selling and moving but I honestly think it was the best thing I could have done. He is still with me. I keep the photos and the things that remind me of him but I don’t expect to see him at every turn. I have moved into town where there are more people around. The new house is geared better for one person and if nothing else it was a distraction for a while. I know only too well there is nothing that will stop the grieving but I have found some piece of mind in a house that is easier and cheaper to run. I know it’s not for everyone but like you I am determined not to be dragged down by all this. It is the last thing he would have wanted and I so want him to be proud of me.
Good luck with your decision
Allison
Hi Jerry
I am the same I dont have family and live alone my partner died almost 2 years ago and I just dont know what to do life is empty I have en on a holiday but they were all in couples. I dont have any social life and some days I just wonder whyat on earth I am going to do. Last year I went to a hotel for christmas once again I was the only one on my own -its very very hard isnt it. If anyone wants to e mail me privately I am always glad of some contact!!!
Like you, Allison, I moved soon after my husband died last June. I couldn’t bear the place without him and we had planned to move anyway. My mistake was to move into sheltered accommodation where I cannot have a cat for company, and I can go days without seeing another resident. I am so miserable here that I am thinking of moving again. As I didn’t want the responsibility of owning another property, I chose to rent and am glad because it makes it easier to move again. At the moment I am still taking anti-depressants but they don’t seem to be doing much good so I am going to wean myself off them. Just like many others on here my family have all moved on with their lives, which is only right, although I wish they would be more understanding. I was married to their father for 66 years so why do they expect me to get over it in a few months.
I wish with all my heart that we could all find a way to find peace but that is wishful thinking. Just like you and everyone else, I will never get over the loss of my husband and can only hope that in time, I will learn how to go on without him, although I doubt it.
Look after yourself. Eileen xx