Hi. I lost my mum back in May, we only found out that she had lung cancer at the beginning of November. It just snowballed. They wouldn’t even biopsy her to see how what stage she was at. I became her carer with my sister and carers coming in 3 times a day. It was the most challenging thing I have done. To watch my mum deteriorated so quickly is something I will never get over. She ended up in a hospice for the last few days of her life. She died with just me and my sister by her side.
I have never felt a pain like this and I try to not think about her because I just cry all the time. As I’m doing right now writing this. Has anyone got any tips on how to process this pain and anger. I don’t want to go through my life without thinking of my mum because it’s to hard. I want to remember the good times, even the hard times. Because at the moment she’s just fading away in my memories because I won’t let them out. Sorry to go on. This is the first time I’ve expressed myself or used a online community
I have just read your message and really, my heart goes out to you. It’s so hard what you have been through and above all, it’s your mother which is one of the most important, if not the most significant relationships you will ever had. It must have been tough for you and your sister doing all that and having to see the decline in her health.
What you must do is feel it all, yes all of it and cry as much as you need to because the pain you feel and the loss needs to come out. Let out all those memories and write about her, talk and reminisce because that’s how people move forward in grief.
My own mother died at the end of April and I was/am devastated but I talk to her, write about her and remember her and still part of me cannot believe what has happened, happened.
I really wish you well but you must let yourself mourn, even if this means wailing, shouting or whatever because suppressing things isn’t healthy.
Thank you for the reply and I am so sorry to hear about your mum. It’s the worst pain in the world. I do try and talk about my mum but also I don’t have a very good support network around me. I can’t really talk to my partner about it as he to has a mum who is in palliative care and we expect only to have weeks with her. So at the moment I’m trying to support him as much as I can, so my grief is taking a back burner as to speak, but I can feel it bubbling away at the surface. I’m also trying to be there for my 4 kids. Being the summer holidays hasn’t helped because I’m just getting no time to myself. I will try your suggestions and thank you for them. Hopefully they will help me
Yes that’s a lot to deal with so I can understand more what you wrote in the first post. Not easy for your partner either which of course makes it harder for you. Keep looking at this forum and if you can get the time, go onto YouTube and search “grief and losing your mother” as there are some videos worth watching there. You are not alone but you might feel you are as grief is essentially a very lonely place as nobody fully understands the relationship you had with your mum, even your sister and about her, how is she coping? Can you not sit down with her and have a good chat?
Lots of love my dear and I am thinking of you xx
I lost my husband 30 July like you I nurse him for 8 months watch him deteriorating he got so thin he couldn’t walk end up in hospice as I could not manage no more he passed away with me and my step daughter holding my hand I keep thinking of this like you want to think of good times my brain so mixed up I can’t remember things like good times hopefully it will come back
Very sorry to read this - you really are in the very early stages of the grief process so you should be as kind as you can to yourself. Take care and I am thinking of you x