More than two months ago, I was with my partner when he passed away unexpectedly at our home office and I need to move to a new apartment in a week. After many days of struggle and emotional turmoil, I almost cleared out the office and packed the computer and stuff, but I have not moved any furniture.
This is the room in which my partner and I spent 2-3 hours every night playing a truck simulation game with a driving wheel… There are three bookshelves, a wardrobe, an office desk and a worn-out faux leather office chair… The other day I hugged the office chair where he used to sit and bursted into tears, I don’t know what to do with the furniture because they resemble both very sweet memories and shockingly painful moments, should I chuck them all out?
I do not want to relive the terror in the new apartment if these pieces of furniture will be ‘bad memories trigger’.
Anyone had some similar experience like this and how did you deal with it??
I was in bed next to my fella when he passed unexpectedly. I have made a few changes but as the bedroom is so small it wasn’t possible to change a lot. I am 6 months in and feel fine in here. However I felt I had to paint the room we both shared as an office and I have made that room really different. I don’t recycle anything until I am a hundred percent sure. Do what feels right for you, so sorry for your loss x
I feel something like this too. it’s difficult.
There are a lot of happy memories for all that furniture but they are not that easy to access right now.
The first weeks I did fantasise about my house burning down as everything felt empty of our life now or too full of memories of his death.
Now I am glad it didn’t burn down, I sleep in the bed again but do get flashbacks every day when putting my socks on or getting into bed as then my feet are where he lay dead and I do think more of that than happy memories. I also don’t like it when my clothes fall there on the floor. The wardrobe (that I got big bruises from as had to keep hitting it doing CPR as not enough room) that I used to love now gives me bad feelings.
My instinct would be to take photos of it all from various angles in case you want to look in the future but get new furniture. However a conversation I had with a widow at the funeral her main advice to me was to store furniture/items until I’m ready. She said she threw everything out as too painful but now she wishes she hadn’t (10 yr later…).
Could you store some of those things somehow but have other things for daily use?
Good luck whatever you decide. I am dlso interested what you feel about the steering wheel and gaming stuff? I have a load of this stuff I feel I can never bear to play again. We collected it over our whole life though… guitar hero sets, skylander figures, aircraft sim pedals and sticks… that stuff will be tougher than furniture for me…
xx
I wish I could change things
My Dave passed in our orangery , we had only been in our home 9 months. It was our dream home our forever home , the chair where he last sat which looks out the patio , I suppose I could change but some times I like to sit there as I feel close to him . Sometimes it makes me sad too!
Then I have to walk over the spot where I did CPR, also where the paramedics pulled him to when they took over ! I see him there in my mind all the time.
I feel to change things would be difficult for me as he spent so much time lovingly making us such a perfect home.
As others have said do what feels right for you , when it feels right x
Sorry for your loss, take care x
Thank you for the suggestions. @FleurDeLis I set up the triple monitor system for his truck simulation game a few years ago and playing on it was his greatest pastime. The steering wheel was a Christmas present I bought for him two years ago. I thought about selling the system as it had served its time for our happy memories, but i really can’t decide for now. Like you, I don’t feel like I can bear to play the games we used to play together. Maybe one day we will be able to do it and relive the happy memories?
I have packed everything in boxes until I feel ready to unpack in the new place… however long it will take. The furniture is a bigger problem for me because I don’t have extra storage. Some online articles suggest re-painting and re-arranging the furniture but I doubt that will work for me… I might just try
