Good evening,
My dad died 9th of August 2022 who was my everything.
My grief was delayed and it hit me last year.
I feel that I have come a long way since then with help with counselling, GP, work, supportive people.
My dad’s death anniversary is coming up in 13 days and I am feeling upset, anxious and sad.
Has anyone else experienced this way of feeling like this with the build up building?
Is this normal?
Thanks for reading…
Lots of love
Lisa xxxx
Hello @Lise1,
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Thank you for reaching out 
You’re not alone and it’s really normal to feel this way in the run up to an anniversary. Whether it has been one, five or ten years since the person you’re grieving for died, coping with a death anniversary can bring about new feelings each year. You might find our support page on coping with anniversaries helpful to read.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, too. Take good care,
Seaneen
I only lost my mum in March so I’m just dreading all anniversaries.
But I lost my dad over 15 years ago and I used to plan something for the day… in until Covid when it was difficult. We just used to go out and have a rum and coke somewhere which would have been my dad’s drink of choice. I think I will plan something similar for my mum, maybe more a cake date as that would have been her thing. I’m on another grief group and someone there has arranged to be away. I think whatever you do it will be sad just maybe prepare for that and so something which feels like you’re honouring your loved one and that might be comforting. Xx
I am sorry to hear the recent loss of your mum and your dad 15 years ago.
I do not understand why I am feeling the way that I do. Is it because I know that his death anniversary is approaching? I don’t know what it is.
Plus I do not have a good relationship with my mother and it has been like this for years. I do not find her emotionally available.
At the moment I cannot face returning to my dad’s resting place as for some reason it really upsets me.
Xxxxx
Hi @Lise1
Thank you for your condolences.
I would imagine you’re feeling this way because it’s the anniversary coming up, but sometimes it’s hard to know why we feel what we feel. It’s because we’ve lost people we love and I’ve been told and know from when I lost my dad, that the grief journey is not a straight trajectory. You can feel like you’re doing ok and coping and then be thrown back into that deep despair. I know at the moment I feel like I’ve gone ‘backwards’ but I’m just trying to sit with that and feel like it’s normal.
I’m sorry you don’t have the relationship you want with your mum and you don’t feel she’s there for you emotionally, that’s very hard too.
I would try and think of something you could do that will feel comforting for you and honouring your dad. It definitely doesn’t have to be going to his resting place do that when you feel ready. Maybe somewhere you went together or somewhere quiet where you can talk to him. I sometimes go to the park at the bottom of the road where my mum lived and just walk in the forest part and talk to her and it helps, I think.
Sending you much love and try not to worry about how you’re feeling, it sounds very normal xx
Hi Dolly,
Thank you for replying to me, you have actually brought me a bit of comfort with your last message.
That’s nice that you can do that with going to the forest and talking to your mum.
Where you close to both your mum and dad? Xxxx
Hi @Lise1
I’m glad if my message helped a little. I think you have to find little things that work for you and give you little moments of comfort.
I was close to my dad but my parents divorced when I was little and even though they were still great friends I didn’t live with my dad after I was about 8 but we still had a special relationship even though I didn’t see him as much.
I was really close to my mum, I spoke to her everyday and saw her at least once a week. Although we were quite different and often butted heads with each other but still we were close and she was the most amazing mum. I miss her loads and just want to tell her everything that’s happened and check in with her really.
Is your mum grieving too, is that maybe one of the reasons she doesn’t feel emotionally available? Or has it always been like that for you? X