I know I’m banging on about this but please bear with me.
Death is a fact. We can’t change it, but we can change the story we tell about it. We all have a grief story we tell ourselves and it’s usually a story of pain, loss and despair but, try to imagine what it would be like if we could change the story. How would we feel if we started telling ourselves that our loved one’s death is a story of transformation, continuity and gratitude? What if, instead of dwelling on the loss, we acknowledged that our loved ones have just transformed from physical form to spiritual presence? What if we accepted that their existence continues in the spiritual realm and we remain connected to them through shared bonds of love? What if we started expressing gratitude every day for the life we shared with them?
I’m trying to work through this myself so I know it’s not easy. It’s a long, hard, laborious process and there will be many setbacks along the way. I just keep saying two things to myself. If you keep repeating the old narrative, the suffering will continue. Just imagine how much better you’re going to feel when you change the story.
This is probably too much for those in the early stages of grief but it’s something to keep in mind for the future. For those who are further down the line, I would say it’s something to think about.
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Hi Wilson, this what I’ve been telling myself since day one but even with this mindset the pain and anguish still remain. It’s possible that it helps in the long run but as I’m only just over four months in I can’t tell you.
Most near death experiences which I find credible are short journeys into a place of light and immense love. This is where I imagine my wife to be but knowing of a great party and not being invited is the problem for those left behind. I understand that we have to allow our loved ones there new lives in heaven but it is still very hard to have your little slice of heaven taken away from you.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Thanks for posting @Brandon1 . I don’t think I would have been ready for this at four months or at any point in the first year. Based on my experience, I would keep it in mind and revisit it further down the line.
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Peg2, Thank you so much for your kind message.Sunday will be a hard day.Her birthday last year her first since she passed in february last year was awful.I will try my best to honour her memory but i know it will be very hard.I will take some flowers to her grave either saturday or sunday depending on the weather.I will still go to her grave sunday regardless of the weather just take an umberella..As you say all these dates are so difficult for us.We know they are approaching but when they get here its so hard.my birthday last november was awful.I think we always remember happy moments with these days like birthdays, wedding anniversarys, christmas but now they bring us sadness as they remind us of what we once had, joy, love and hapiness.I think it may have been Wilson9 that mentioned about our dear loved ones being “everywhere”, i will hold that lovely thought close to me as often as i can.I always get so upset visiting my dear wifes grave, still not believing this has hapened.Thankfully the church is usually open when i visit so i go in and calm myself down and usually light a candle.I am usually the only one in there unless someone is getting ready for a sunday service.Its so quiet and peaceful.Sunday is always a hard day for me as it was the day my dear wife passed, i can so understand why you find friday so hard too.I miss my dear wife so much.Everything about her i miss, she was my world, my everything, her love and care she always gave me is what i miss most of all.The companionship i so miss too and the closeness holding her hand, hugging her.Knowing i will never be able to do those things again breaks my heart.I sometimes think our loved ones are with us spiritually even though i so want her to be with me physically i know it cannot be.Take care Peg2.
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Wilson9,
Thank you so much for your comforting post.What you say is so true and i will try my best to “connect” spiritually.What i seem to find so difficult is the acceptance that my dear wife has gone in the physical sense.I long to hold her hand again ,hug her, see her lovely smile, feel her love, care and kindness but i know it cannot be.I talk to my wife a lot, tell her i am trying my best.I so appreciate your kind comforting posts they really do help.Take care.
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Tom, i so agree with what you have said, everything you say resonates with me too.Its been 14 months since i lost my dear wife, it still feels so raw the pain and grief.i hve read some books about near death experiences and i agree what you say, i have also read some books on heaven and it sounds a lovely place many say is indescribable .Its losing that physical connection , that sort of cord that our loved ones was joined to us with, now it feels that cord has been broken and part of me departed with her.I hope that sort of makes sense.Take care.
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Hello, who knows what heaven is really like, I do hope its what everyone imagines, a place of complete peace, where our bodies are no longer suffering, you are renewed, no more worries, and we hope our loved ones are there to greet us. Before my husband passed, he told me about a dream he had of his mother who passed away last year, he said he dreamt he was preparing a farm for them to live together, he said his mom just loved living in the farm, I didn’t think much of it at the time but maybe heaven is what we make of it. It’s only been 7 weeks since my husband died, and we miss him terribly 
God bless you all
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That sounds like deathbed dreams, which can happen some short months before passing. And not just dreams, but visitations from the other side.
Both parents had that, although my Mum was mostly sleep talking, but to people who had passed on. My Dad though, had the most wonderful dreams, blue skies, meadows, talking and laughing with my Mum who passed 4 months before he did …. and he didn’t even know she passed (we were wary of telling him in case he suddenly deteriorated, but … he knew! SHE told him, before we did)
Seems my partner is having dreams, but he’s being cagey with me about them. We both know far too well that when a terminally ill person has the most beautiful dreams, time is due soon (he lost many siblings and knows the dying processes).
I think he just doesn’t want to hurt me. Bit too late, that ship sailed long ago, as soon as his oncologist gave me the prognosis.
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Hi Plutorising, my mother had conversations with a long lost aunt of hers before she died and my wife called out to her mum with her last breath. I hope they a re happy now
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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I have to say, I found it really comforting that both parents, and seemingly my partner (who is clearly bad at lying!), had those dreams.
That there are people on the other side who are receiving them, providing comfort and love, and extending their arms to them 
And also it feels like valid proof in itself, that there IS the existence of an afterlife. I felt so happy when my Dad dreamt about my Mum, as I felt she made contact 
It was reassuring that she was there ready to receive him, and help him cross over.
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The weird thing was, I was having dreams of deceased people who were close to my parents! They were vivid dreams, month or so before.
Obviously not deathbed dreams, but I felt they were messages, mostly centred on providing some kind of help and assistance for them.
I also remember a dream I had the night my first partner had passed (I didn’t know he had passed, his body was discovered 3 days later, from suicide).
I dreamt of him waiting at a train station, and he told me he was going on a journey to a big festival.
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Hello, wow that was quite a dream, I dreamt of my husband before he passed when he was in the hospital, I dreamt he was lying in the bed facing away from me, and he spoke. Saying he was leaving cause he didn’t want to burden me anymore, even in the dream I was shocked he would say that, and I woke up. I was my husband’s care giver, but I loved him he was never a burden. I always prayed he would get better. I want to dream that hes ok
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Hi Tom. Hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Each day is a trial and full of grief. I find that it is. I wish I had mam and our routine back.
Sending you all my best wishes and support at any time. Stephen.
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Good morning Stephen, I try to keep to certain routines to help me navigate this suffering. I do exercise every day which is I find a good way to channel any pain. I go for long walks as being in nature I feel closer to my love and I look for something beautiful every day to share with my wife or maybe she is sharing it with me.
Wishing you all the strength you need to cope. I hope we can take all the love we have received and be productive with it. All the best
Tom
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Thank you Tom for a lovely reply, as you always do. You are absolutely right Tom about the love we received and the love we gave.
Best wishes and all my kindest regards. Stephen
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Thank you Wilson
I always find your posts comforting. My husband wasn’t a believer of anything, when your gone your gone he would say. A short time after he died suddenly I dreamt (it was so real) he came and kissed me, I saw him just for a second. I knew he had come to tell me he was okay, I felt so at peace. I know I’ll see him again and I’ll try in future to follow your advice x
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Omg …. neighbour playing music really loud (yes, since 6am!)
Adele’s song played loud and clear, “HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE” 
goosebumps moment
Not even sure who it is. Mum? Dad? Previous partner? Maybe current partner is in between worlds, or has already passed?
Going to his place now, his son stayed the night to keep vigil.
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