I lost my 35 year old daughter after a 14 month battle with leukaemia. Nearly all of that time was spent confined to her hospital room many miles from her friends and family. After 8 months of intensive treatment, she had a stem cell transplant which was not successful. In that 6 months I was not permitted to visit her. She accepted a hospice place much closer to home, but passed away only 2 weeks after arriving. I didn’t get to see her until the day she died. By that time she was unable to speak to me and had wasted away to nothing. My only comfort has been that she was able to spend time with her partner and friends and that she was able to plan her own funeral, which was beautiful. I can feel glad that she is no longer suffering and is laid to rest in the place she chose.
Selkie, there are no words to describe the loss of a child - at whatever age. My (only) daughter was born very early and did not survive. However I do have two sons, but that is no consolation for my loss. I’ve also lost both my parents, and last November, my wife.
All I can say is that you can, and should, take comfort from the fact that she was able to see as many family and friends as possible in those last weeks, and that she is now not in pain, or suffering from her illness. It is no comfort that the outcome was probably known in advance, as it is still numbing at the end. Nor is there any comfort if it is sudden and unexpected. Both result in massive grief, devastation and that awful numbness.
I can only send you my heartfelt love and hope that time will lessen the numbness and devastation you must feel at the moment. Take care - hour by hour, one small step at a time!
Nigel xxxx 
I can’t imagine or begin to understand the grief you are going through, what I can sense is what a lovely mummy you are, grief is different for us all and I can offer you support or an ear anytime xx
Selkie I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is a dreadful and painful disease. I also lost my daughter, Michelle aged 42 years, to cancer on 7 January this year. Michelle was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in September 2023. She seemed to respond well to her treatment until she underwent liver resection in May 2024, she picked up an infection in hospital and her health deteriorated significantly after that. At the end of October 2024 she was admitted into a hospice and given 3 days to live. Due to the medical and palliative care given by hospice staff Michelle stayed with us, at the hospice, for exactly 10 weeks. I stayed with her in room at the hospice. It was unbearable seeing her eventual decline but I am so grateful to the hospice staff for giving me those additional weeks with my darling girl. My emotions are up and down constantly. Last week it was an effort to get out of bed, I cried continuously. This week I feel a bit stronger as I know Michelle would be so upset if she knew I wasn’t getting on with my life as she had asked me to. I can feel that she is close to me and that gives me some comfort. I feel stronger when I’m with Michelle’s three children who are also grieving the loss of their mum. It would have been Michelle’s 43rd birthday on 15 June, family and friends will be meeting that day, near the hospice, for a picnic and a time to remember someone who meant so much to us all. It is only those who loved that feel the pain we feel, it is the price we pay.
Be kind to yourself.