Death of my husband

My husband died of cancer in March. We have no children and I am alone. I am 59. We were married for 25 years and together for 30. We were together every day. We were self employed. He ran my business as well. I have no real friends. My husband was always the only company I ever wanted. I can’t cope with his death. I watched him become extremely unwell. He said so many lovely things to me , always ,and the things he said to me near the end, break my heart. He was in a hospice the last 2 weeks of his life. I stayed with him. Me and our little dog. My husband was the love of my life. I need to speak with someone. I am heartbroken and alone.


My husband died of cancer in the middle of February. I have good friends and children but even so I feel so alone and so broken hearted. I daren’t this k about the future because it seems so grim. I seem to be crying more and feeling more pain with each passing week - it’s 10 weeks today. It’s a nightmare you can’t wake up from - I wish you could.

Thank you for writing to me. It is so hard to read that life will never be the same for any of us. It is not possible. I don’t know how to go on. I miss my husband so much. I am all alone and no one contacts me. I have our little dog. I never understood what it meant to lose someone you loved. When I wake up and realise I am all alone , the pain is too much to bear. I don’t know how I will be able to get on with the rest of my life alone without my lovely husband. We were always together. We never needed anyone else’s company. We were happy with each other. We never bothered anyone. He suffered so much. He was the love of my life. Thank you so much for your kind message. x

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I understand . Death from cancer is terrible. I am so sorry that your husband has also died from this disease. It has been 10 weeks today? It is so hard. So hard. I think that my husband will be home shortly or I think if I hear something I want to share with him , "Oh , I can’t wait to tell Sam ". Then I remember. I often think he is still here. That we can talk and go out for a meal. And then I realise , no. That won’t happen. I miss my husband so much. No one understands , do they? My husband was such a kind man. The Love of my life. How can I go on. I think of you today. 10 weeks. I send you all of my thoughts. Tx

Dear T Spiegel, I know your pain ; our situation are very similar. I am devastated by the loss of my husband who died 5 months ago from Intrahepatic Cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer). He was only 49. He fought with courage and hope for nearly 2 years but he lost his battle against cancer. He was my entire life, we were together for 20 years, living in London. I have no children and I am 53. I am totally lost without him. The pain I have inside my heart paralyses me and it is so deep and so intense that even words can not describe. He was my husband, my brother, my confident, my soulmate and my whole life. We used to do everything together. I am waiting for him to come home, but he is not. I cannot go to the places we used to go together because he is not with me. I have no motivation whatsoever, I am constantly crying, I miss him so so so much. I have no aim in life. I have no friend and my family is in France but they are all busy with their own life and children. I am sorry to hear that you are going through the same pain; nothing seems to help. How are we suppose to carry on , I do not know. I am not sure that I can survive without him. I wish you courage and patience, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Dear Ian,
Thank you so much for your words of comfort., Oh Ian I am so weak ! I do not feel like I can live without him. I cannot watch TV or movies we used to watch together, I cannot listen to my music anymore, it does not bring me any positive feeling anymore, I really cannot do anything. The only thing that would make me happy is to join him wherever he is. I cannot find any purpose in life. I do not know what direction to go. . Kane loved walking and sit at a terrace for a coffee around a nice area, we used to do that every day in summer, I cannot do that without him, too many memories and I miss him so so much. My husband was the only person who cared for me all my life. I lost my father when he was 47, I was only 18 then. My husband was 49;The same story repeated itself with a lot pain. But the pain I have today is deeper than the one I experienced when my father passed away. It is more than I can bear.
How long did it take you to be able to cope with the fact that Jayne would not be back and how did you manage to live your day to day life. I cannot get things going. I am lethargic, everything is heavy and pointless. I cannot even get out of the flat without crying. I look at all the coffee shops and restaurants we used to go in the area hoping somehow to see him again. But he is nowhere to be found. Kane was so fit and so sportive, I never thought he would leave me at such early age. I had lost my father so young I never thought I would lose my husband too at about the same age. I am traumatised. My God, I do not know how to get better, how to survive this. Nevertheless, thank you Ian for you advice, I will keep reading posts to try to find comfort and the inner strength you mentioned in order to manage the pain and try to live with it. But where to find the strengths?
Best regards Sonia

hi Sonia,
sorry if ive given the impression im coping,see my partner Jayne was my everything,
she was a very caring thoughtful loving beautiful lady,and im finding the need to try offer a few words of comfort ,rather than do as some by taking over a thread with my losses.
and thats because I have Jayne in my heart guiding me and giving me the tools to give empathy and try be comforting to those like me losing their one true love.
im far from lonely,as I just miss my baby Jayne like crazy.
maybe from being on this site and conversing with others in our boat ,you will find you own way to live your life with the loss of your husband . me im just a simple man who doesnt say things will get better with time or do what your husband would of wanted.
all I can say is my love for Jayne will last for eternity,and I wont ever tell others what they should do or how they should feel or that every thing gets better.
as I dont know this myself.others may tell there stories and say this that and the other helped and this made life easier.but I will say that no matter how low you are,some where within you will find the strength to cope and learn to live with the pain and ache in your heart.i know thing because all I want is to be with my baby Jayne,i decided get a few tattoos dedicated to Jayne 2 portraits and two roses with our names and soulmates on going try do a skydive for charity in Jaynes memory,ive already donated a little in Jaynes name.and as long as im on this earth my love for Jayne will fill my heart.
sorry ive no quick fix or any real solutions for the emotional turmoil you are facing.just try look after your self ,sleep when you can,cry as and when you need what ever it takes to get through each and every day.
and just know there are many many members in exactly the same boat ,who are here to listen or give comfort as and when they can.
take care regards ian

HI Sonia. I feel exactly as you do although it is nearly 2 years since my husband died. My life seems to be on hold because I can’t go to places I visited with my Ron. I. Pass the pub where he played pool and I always turn around thinking he will be waiting for me to pick him up. I can’t even think of going on holiday again without him. I sit in front of the tv and don’t want to move. It all seems like a nightmare. Cancer is a terrible thing. I never thought it would happen to Ron. All I can say is that the rawness turns into a dull ache that allows you to cope and sometimes even laugh. One day it may allow us to start a new life but how I don’t know. This site has helped me better than anything to cope. I feel like there is a circle of friends around me that I
can always call on to understand. Please keep posting. I feel your pain and wish I could give you a hug. X

I am really sorry for you. All the more, because I feel empathy for every word you say. I was married to my amazing Annie for 45 years, lost her to cancer in May and like you, we were constant companions, together with our Jack Russell, Bobby. I too feel I have lost my soul mate and the emptiness of the world now is bitter to me. We needed no other company and I think when you’ve had this and lost it, it leaves a huge vacuum in your life. Do you feel like me, as though half of you has gone with your husband? I feel this way about Annie. Through this forum, let’s give each other what strength we can, knowing that we are not facing this alone, but there are others who understand and care. x

Hi Rob I just think that there is no completion to anything anymore. No matter what I do to make me happy, I just can’t experience feeling how I used to before my husband died.We used to go to Christie hospital in Manchester for chemo every two weeks and we used to talk all the time about our future together if Ron got better… When he died I felt split in half. It happened so quickly and I can’t understand how I could not make out that the end was so near. It is still so surreal. It takes a hell of a long time to make new future. I just hope that there is a future. You write so lovingly of your dear Annie and I hope you find your peace.

It has been 13 months since I lost my soulmate, my husband I still miss him greatly Still have his clothes in the wardrobe It’s the nights and weekends that are hard and dealing with things going wrong on your own I still visualise him walking into the room still picking up feathers in the garden thinking it is a sign of his presence supporting me . Great comfort in this forum .