Every night for a few hours while trying to sleep and again in the morning for a few hours I have overwhelming heart pounding knife stabbing tears. It was shocking and which what happened so adding to it. Now on 29 days. When does it become manageable. Keep being told to look forward because that would be what she would want. The pain and loss don’t let me get anywhere near that direction.
For only 29 days it’s far to early to even begin to think about management. You need to take it day by day for the moment. Try not to look forward, enough for today to cope with never mind the future. The time will come, oh yes it will in spite of how you feel now, when the pain lessens, just a bit but it does. You will never forget, of course not, but wounds do heal, even traumatic ones, but they leave a scar.
Give yourself some kindness. The pain will go on for some time, but try and accept this will be so for a while. It’s this process of grief over which we have little control other than to go with it. Allow emotions to come.
That distant light that maybe you can’t see at the moment is always there and it does get brighter, at least I have found it so.
Take care and try and look after yourself as she would have wanted.
I didn’t stop bawling and collapsing on the floor regularly until it had been about 3 months. My love passed last November. Two weeks ago, I discovered that it could still happen with no warning at all. I was in the garden sitting in the sun when a song came on the radio, ‘I want to be with you everywhere’ Fleetwood Mac, and wow oh wow, I broke and I have relapsed into being a mess. I’m sure it will get better, but it will get worse too.
Everything is strange and upside-down. Good luck
Hi. Rachyrach. It’s still early days. 7 months is so little time in grief. ‘Triggers’ will happen. Anything can bring back memories and the wound is still raw. There is often no warning and we often can’t figure out why. ‘Out of the blue’ sums it up. But it’s bound to happen. You have suffered a life trauma. Grief is a process that Nature has made for us to release emotions. It’s why it is not helpful to ‘bottle up’ emotions. You didn’t ‘relapse into a mess’, you had an emotional response to a song that brought back memories. None of us are a mess. We may feel like it at times, but it is not so. It’s all a natural reaction to what we have and are going through. ‘Everything is strange and upside down’. How could it not be? If we can accept the normality of what has happened and that it’s life it can ease the pain just a little. You WILL get better, rest assured, if you allow emotions to come without resistance. It may feel it will get worse, but by thinking that way you lay the foundations for it to be so. It’s still one day at a time. Two steps forward, one back. Take care of yourself.
Good luck to you too.
Jonathan123, you say such lovely things. I read many of you comments and you always give such sound and sensitive advice.
Please take in what Jonathan has said because it is indeed sound and sensible advice. I am on the same length of journey as John and can vouch for everything he says. Please have faith that one day a little sense will come back in your now troubled lives. Although you will never forget and carry them in your hearts forever. Such love cannot be broken and how you cope will be your own way.
We are much further on, yet still any little thing can break us and we can become upset but as time goes by we begin to accept these memories and the tears that come with them. They become a part of us and not something to fight against. Don’t expect the pain to just go but you will begin to have better days. However you must allow yourself time to grieve, nothing will diminish the pain at the present but slowly, oh so slowly you will find some peace and life will begin to have a meaning again. Just like a jigsaw the pieces will start to fit.