Deep thinking mode...

‘I don’t see the loss of my son as a theme,’ he says. ‘I see it as a condition of being. That’s what loss ultimately is for us all: it’s a thing that we become – an amalgam of our losses. It’s not like: great, I have my theme to write about. I don’t feel that in any way at all. I just feel the temperature of my writing changed completely after Arthur died. It became concerned with different things. But I do agree, in the sense, that you can… you can be obliterated, and be forced to put yourself back together again, and you can put yourself back together again in a way that allows you a kind of freedom to express yourself in other ways.’

The above is taken from a written article on musician and songwriter Nick Cave. I find him intriguing and very deep. I relate to him because I can often go into deep thinking mode myself. I was never like this before my loss and just as Cave says the ‘temperature of his writing changed’, well, the temperature of my thinking changed. It’s who I am now and whilst I can still have fun, I feel ultimately that my sparkle has gone. I’m much more emotional and things bother me greatly, things which I would never have dwelled on before my loss. I have become much more intolerant of the actions of people. Perhaps Cave is right - Loss is a thing that we become…


Dear @Crazy_Kate

Thank you for sharing the words of Nick Cave with the Community. I am sure many will be able to identify with Nick Cave’s words as he sadly lost 2 sons aged 15 and 31.

Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself. You are not alone, we are all here for you and understand the pain of losing a loved one.



‘You can be obliterated, and be forced to put yourself back together again…’ Makes perfect sense! For far too long after my daughter died (probably about 4 years!) I wore myself out trying all sorts of things to find the old me in order to be happy and stable again. Once I accepted that the old me was gone for ever, there was too much of me missing, I was able to move forward and in a way re-invent myself and find enjoyment in life in different things. Nick Cave’s thoughts are well worth pondering, thank you for posting them. x

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