Delayed grief and being a first time mum

I grew up being very close to my grandparents, almost like second parents to me. I lost my Nan almost 4 years ago and I was there when she died, my mom was on holiday at the time so I was on my own. I feel bitter about losing her before I met my partner, she would have loved him and she was my best friend, I still find it very upsetting today. Then almost a year ago when I was 32weeks pregnant I lost my grandad, I’m glad he got to meet my partner but so gutted he didn’t meet my daughter. I just feel so lost at times about it all and get really down. I feel like it’s now affecting other parts of my life, I don’t really get on with my father in law and everything he does with my daughter even holding her makes me mad cuz I just wish my grandad could do that cuz he was a nicer person. Are all these feelings normal or am I being nasty?
Any advice would be appreciated x

You loved your grandparents, they were very caring people, and would have loved to have played with your daughter. It makes you sad that they did not get this opportunity. You don’t think your father in law is as caring a person, and so you feel cheated that he gets to play with them and not your grandparents. This is quite normal, but maybe instead of getting mad you need to find other ways to cope with your emotions. Maybe you could do something like write a birthday card to your daughter from your grandparents, and make sure that as she gets older, she is constantly made aware of who they were so that they are a part of her life. Both my dad’s parents died abroad and I never got to see them, but my mum made sure we knew about them, and so I have a lot of love for them even though I only ever saw them in photos. Hope you feel better soon.

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hi Lilypad
im very sorry you are facing these emotion,and as regards how we react,there are no hard or fast rules,the emotions and heartache caused by grief is very different in all of us.
we are individuals with very different out looks on life.
its sad that you dont get on with your father in law.i hope over time things with him will be better.
I hope you can find a way to manage the emotional heartache you feel about losing your Nan and Grandad.you will find the inner strength from some where to cope.
and no doubt the emotions involved in being a first time mum have had a big affect on all aspects of your life.
the memories of your grand parents will be with your forever,one day maybe youll
be in a better place.wish I could say something that could help you and make you cherish and love and nuture your baby and your partner,without all the heartache and emotional turmoil affecting your life.
just popped in my head,i never knew my grandad on my fathers side or my mums side as they passed before I was born, this is something lots of us face and yes its very sad.
though I did have contact with my mums ,mums dad,my great grand father.
who my mum talked about quite a bit because he was a very kind hearted loving man.
you could keep alive all the memories of your grand parents ,put a few photos in frames and hang them from the walls of your home.sorry im just droning on and hopefully ive not offended you.im just hoping you will find a coping mechanism that will help you.
take care and good look in life to you your partner and baby.
regards ian

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