hello. I’m peter and my wife Bridget has been in a care home now since August 2019
She has dementia, doesn’t recognise me as her husband and i’m finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with all i’ve lost. She’s mobile, walks about, generally fit but because of the dementia sees me but soon is distracted. I take flowers, look at her through the window. Covid restrictions allows me nothing so i look and see a woman who was once my darling wife ( she’s 74) who seems content. it’s me left with the memories and how this cruel condition has wrecked our marriage
I’m lonely for her, even though towards the end all she wanted to do was escape the house and i was forced to make care home arrangements. Such an intelligent, bright, forceful woman reduced to a almost childlike personality. The care home is great and i’ve no complaints. At first i wanted her back just to have her company but i know it takes more than me to keep her safe and healthy
I don’t mind admitting that i often cry at the slightest reminder of her or if i see her and i just sit in the homes car park after a visit. I love her so much. It hurts all the time and i lurch from Why us? to Why me? If only this and that and i should have done more. I don’t care for her directly anymore and i miss that caring role ( although it’s nice not being woken up at 2 in the morning). i need to care for her but i can’t so i do all i can by regularly visiting, taking flowers, chocolates, fruit and showing appreciation to the wonderful staff.