I just need to get this off my chest because I am feeling so low, so lonely, so mentally drained and have nobody i feel i can talk to about it. I am really struggling currently. I am so depressed, I am struggling to even get out of bed let alone do anything else. Yesterday is the closest I have come in my life to ending it all because I really felt I wanted to but then I looked at my kids and it scared me. I haven’t been to the doctor’s because I don’t have faith in them and felt they judged when I have felt down previously. I don’t have alot of friends because I struggle in social situations because of my anxiety and self confidence and I just feel like I have nobody. Would anybody miss me if I wasn’t around. I’m sorry I know people in the world have much bigger issues, some people on here have much bigger issues. I just needed to get this off my chest and didnt know where else to turn. Think this is the only place I have posted stuff where people don’t judge
Nobody will judge on here because we are all in a nightmare at different stages .Loss of a loved one whatever the relationship is still an emotional hammer to the heart soul and mind.The people that love you would miss you .Sorry isnt a word i use on here often ,because like you im crying out for help at times Take little steps Ben try not to plan things you dont have to .Have some me time your heart soul and brain need a break from your nightmare ,because it will patiently wait for you to return to it .All the best Colin
Ben, I’m in counselling and also booked in with a psychiatrist, I’ve been so close myself and feel I still am, I have kids as well and they are the only thing that stops me, I won’t lie I could still do it very easily and have wrote notes and even told relations what I want to happen if it does, accident or by my own hand. I’ve also put all financial aspects in place so they won’t have to change anything, house, expenditure etc. I’m not on antidepressants at present but think I need them as I struggle with motivation to do anything unless it’s for my kids. Ive withdrawal from most friends and only really see close family. I’ve told myself this and I’m going to stick to it, give it a year, no matter how low or bad it is… get to a year then see…again I’ve told everyone this, I’ll try everything and anything, this year move house etc, so at least people can say I tried. Use doctors, counsellors anything they offer or you can find…I’m 3 months in to a loss I don’t think I can ever get over, but the year still stands x
Hello Colin. Thank you for your kind words and for your understanding. Yes I encountered a major loss to me in 2015 and have struggled with daily life ever since. I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to having me time . This is something that I crave often but then other times I am scared to want to be around myself because of how I feel and the fear of if I am alone will I do something stupid. Luckily I know the implications that my actions would cause should I do something stupid and I feel this is the reason why I haven’t. Leaving my kids without a father is not an option. I need to change the way I feel for me and for my children. I want a better quality of life but more importantly I don’t want my kids growing up with a father who is so depressed he doesn’t at times want to even do the simple things. It breaks me to think I am hurting my children because of how I feel inside and the demons that are in my head. Again Colin I really do appreciate your comments though. Take care
Thank you for your comments. They are very much appreciated. Yes this is exactly how I feel. So withdrawn, so alone and at times like people would be better of without me around. I like you though stop because of my precious children. Without them I know I wouldn’t be hear now so I owe my life to them. I have tried previously going to the doctor’s but they were not interested and told me that I was just tired and warn down. I don’t feel the way I am is because I am tired. I have looked into councelling and other areas and am just trying to explore different areas at present. I heard that trying to get yourself a routine will help and trying to get involved in some sort of social activity. I am therefore trying to work this out at present and slowly try and work towards individual goals to eventually reach the main goal and that is to get my life back and to give my kids the love and attt they more than deserve. I really like your idea of give it a year. I will be using this myself. Again I really appreciate you commenting and caring. It means more than you will ever know. I wish you all the best and i know things will get better for you in the end, even if you don’t feel they will currently. Take care of you and those precious gifts that are your children
Ben, I’m so sorry you are going through the worst time of your life, I lost my
Ben, am so sorry you are going through the worst time of your life, I can’t lie to you and say , keep your chin up, because it gets worse, yes we’ve still got to get up every morning, and then we’ve still got to go through the motions, and phoni”tell us once” when all we want, is the only person who will ever know us ,to be here
Hi Ben. I get through the day by splitting it up into morning noon and night and trying to do something useful in each part . If I thought about the whole day first thing in the morning I would never get through it . What you do for your children each day makes all the difference in the world to them . I find that getting outside and walking with my dogs always helps me to feel a bit better so maybe you can get outside a bit with your children . Exercise will help you all . My husband died suddenly 9 weeks ago and my head has been all over the place . My kids are pretty grown up now but I have said to myself when I have felt crap and on the verge of giving up that they already have a dead father so the last thing they need is a useless mother as well . I don’t know much about your circumstances or whether you have other family or friends who you could confide in and tell them how crap you feel ? Maybe they don’t realise and if they did they might be able to give you a bit more support so you could have some me time to try to get your head straight and do something nice for yourself . Perhaps you should go back to the doctors and tell them you need a referral for counselling and a prescription for some antidepressants just to help take the edge off how down you feel . I wish I had more useful suggestions but posting on here has helped me a lot . Hope you will carry on doing the same and that it will help you too . Sending warm wishes to you and your children . Romy xxx
Hi Ben, hope you’re feeling somewhat on the better side today… I’ve been reading about the way you’re feeling, I’ve just come out the other side after 6 years of pure hell… Basic things caused me anxiety, passing people in the street, shopping, too many bodies in one space, I would panic at any and everything, that caused me issues daily. You get yourself a grief counsellor, go to your doctor and tell them you need help, as you are having suicidal thoughts… And you need to see someone… My doctor put me in psychology for 30weeks ( there is a waiting time of up to 12 weeks just to get a consultation) demand it… I went thru all that and why it helped me deal with the day to day things, I found a hypnotherapist to help with my racing head, issues with people, and confidence, and the death… In 3 sessions, my head was at peace and life became bearable… I wish you luck and would recommend hypnotherapy. If your g.p. refuses to help. Request a different one and a complaint form… Do not let them demean your illness because of ignorance or laziness of profession… Just because you can’t see it does not mean it isn’t there…
Ben take a look on u tube at a couple of items called " the black dog" his name is depression… If you relate to this you do need to seek help and not be unheard XXX