My lifelong partner went out 5 weeks ago , less than three and a half hours later he was dead. He’d been fit and healthy, hadn’t been to a doctors in over 20 years, how could this happen ?
After 2 very difficult years of family problems we were finally looking forward to enjoying our retirement together.
We should have been celebrating his 70th birthday this year, 30 years in our home, and 47 years together. Now everything has gone - his life, my life, our lives together.
I just want him back, I want our life back all the niggly , jokey, bickery, everyday routines
that we’d built up over the years, the walks, the picnics, the meals.
I have 47 years of memories which makes me luckier than many but he has been cheated out of the lovely years ahead and so have I.
We both wanted to grow old together to help and support each other as we’ve always done, together we could cope with whatever came along. Alone I don’t want to.
I don’t want to spend the next 20- 30 years alone and I don’t want anyone to ever replace him. After a lifetime of shared history nobody could.
Each day is pointless , I get up go through the motions and can’t wait to go to bed.
I listen to endless overnight radio until I fall asleep.Then get up and do it all over again.
People keep saying - What a way to go. He wouldn’t have wanted to be ill for long. Things will get better. You’ll find something to do in time. What about going back to work? What about studying ?
I know they mean well and want to help but I’ve spent a lifetime working and studying, when I retired I wanted to spend time with my partner not start an endless round of pointless time filling activity.
I’m dreading the years ahead and apart from the effect on my family I wish we had both gone at the same time.