Hello, only just joined and not sure if this the right place to post this, I have suffered from depression and anxiety for 20 years and find it difficult to talk to people about my problems, but here goes. My wife of 25 years was not feeling well lately February after some persuasion I got her to make a doctor’s appointment ( they booked her in for nearly 8 weeks later) she was getting worse so dialled 111 they told her to go to hospital straight away. We did this and whilst there they took a X ray of her chest and found a mass there, after being admitted and about a week they confirmed she had lung cancer, over the next 2 weeks they did various more tests and then confirmed it had doubled in size in those weeks they also advised that due to how quick it had spread and how ill there was nothing that can be done. She has not passed away yet but I’m watching her getting worse every day, I just don’t know what to do as it’s breaking me. Sorry again if this is the wrong place to say this.
I’m sorry that you and your dear wife are having to battle with cancer it is such a cruel disease.
I know from experience that watching the one you love change in front of your eyes due to lung cancer is so cruel. All I can say is try to stay strong for her she needs you now. I did my crying for my husband away from him, in the shower mainly. I didn’t want him to see how upset I was as this would upset him also.
My husband was diagnosed on January 13th last year and passed on 4 March last year. I watched my big bear of a man change before my eyes.
You don’t say if your wife is home or not, my hubby was home we had no help I did all his care administered all his meds he could not be offered anything so no chemo etc.
I’m sorry I can not give hope but all I can say is be there for her and I think it’s important that you discuss arrangements for after any wishes your wife may have I know it’s hard but this way you can do what she wants. Also I hope you have Wills already.
You do not say if you have family but please if you do let them help you.
Please come on here as a group everyone is so supportive
Stay Strong
Catherine
@GaryF So sorry that you find yourself here, it was a similar set of circumstances for my wife and I, she passed away in 2022 9 months after diagnosis. For all of that time I existed in a state of shock, confusion, fear and guilt, all you can really do is be there for her, ask what she wants and try to make that happen. If there are things you need to say, things you need to tell her then now is the time to do it, take the chance before it slips away. My heart goes out to you and your wife I hope that you can both find moments of joy, peace and love in all you are going through.
Hi Gary, I am really sorry you are going through such a difficult situation. When my wife was diagnosed with a terminal cancer my life was collapsing around me while I was trying to be strong and comfort her. I hope you have family to help but whatever your situation is I hope you find the strength you need to cope.
Wishing you and your wife all the best
Tom
Hi GaryF,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it’s hard. My wife lasted 91/2 weeks from being diagnosed, to going ahead. I looked after her at home the best I could. We never talked about her wishes as I think it’s up to them to bring it up and Sue never liked talking about it. She had just started chemotherapy so we had hope for a bit longer. Just try and be there for her, tell her you love her. I know it’s hard but try and look after yourself as well.
Take care
I think it’s anticipatory grief. The last year of my husband’s life was horribly traumatic for me (looking back). I don’t think I recognized it consciously, but subconsciously I did because I found a therapist. She was useless, but I found a body/mind therapist who was terrific. I had free floating anxiety and it was hard to help myself and him, too. I had for years though prior and I think I was burning out bad.
I think trying to get help in whatever way you can, finding a person to talk to, writing things down, etc., something that addresses it the best you can. Exercise helps, too, moving your body and moving the energy.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for your kind words
You are welcome. Please use this forum whenever you feel the need to.
Stay strong
Catherine