Difference between being suicidal and grief.

I want to know what’s the difference? When my husband first died I literally wanted to die too. I’m only 39. I even said if I had cancer I felt like I’d turn down treatment. All very selfish when I have 5 children.

I seemed to come out of that and didn’t want to die. I even seemed to start enjoying things again and having fun. However now, 10 months on I’m going through another wave of depression. Or grief. Im crying a lot and really wishing I could go back to certain points in the past, I’m feeling very nostalgic and keep reminiscing how great my life used to be. I literally feel life is rubbish.

Are these feelings normal? I just don’t know. I see so many people on this forum not wanting to live anymore so maybe it’s just part of grief. How do you know when it’s more than just that? How do you know when you’re turning suicidal?

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I think they are normal. I had those. but that said, indulge in this escape but make no plan for it.

10 months is not time at all. soon, it will be a year, two, three. suicide noted a famous philosopher, is of comfort, the way out. so yes, you are very normal. it is your pain talking.

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The bit that is most concerning is I’m
Not anxious that I might act upon it. Yes I do agree that it’s probably the grief.

If it wasn’t so sad it would be funny. I remember choking on spinach in the very early months. I had a thought about not coughing or not doing
anything to try to stop myself. I then thought it wouldn’t be a very nice way to go and my children were in the room. My sister thought it was highly amusing, she said involuntarily my body would try to cough itself. She’d never heard of anyone dying by spinach. :see_no_evil:

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Hello @Kat1984, I wanted to share this video with you in which our Head of Bereavement Bianca Neumann talks about suicidal feelings during grief. You might find it helpful right now.

There’s a transcript here if you prefer reading rather than watching: Sue Ryder Grief Guide

Take good care :blue_heart:

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@Kat1984 Sometimes I don’t think it’s even about wanting to die but just wanting the pain to stop

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Yes but isn’t that what they say about suicidal people anyway?

The feelings are fleeting which I suppose is something. I agree though, life feels tainted now. The pain is too much to bare at times x

Thank you, I will watch