Do I just carry on like normal?

I recently lost my dad…
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He was struggling with lung cancer for the past 6 years and after getting Covid 2 months ago, he never fully recovered and just kept deteriorating.
Watching him slowly lose everything that makes his life enjoyable or worthwhile then got reduced to a life confined in bed and in and out of hospitals was painful. And I couldn’t be there for most of it as I live in another country…
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I thought I was prepared for the day he would pass…But when my sister called me on the phone and told me that he had passed due to a sudden aggressive infection/respiratory failure, I broke down and no words could describe that pain.
After one week of arranging for his funeral, I’m now back to my current place.
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I’m a medical student in my last year so I’m always in the hospital, which is not easy because it reminds me so much of my dad’s last days of life. My friends initially asked me how I’m doing, which I have no answer for. Then, they just move past my struggles and act like everything is normal.
It’s too hard for me to express my pain and struggles to them. No one showed me any extra kindness- it was life-per-usual. I know that this is probably awkward for them, but I also don’t know how. It seems that if I just pretend to be normal, it would make everyone’s life easier.
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How am I supposed to act after my dad’s passing? Am I supposed to put on a brave face and carry on like usual and go into the dark corner to cry whenever I need?
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I have my boyfriend who lives with me and he tries to support me so I’m not entirely alone.
But I just feel alone and ignored by those I call friends.

1 Like

Hello @bvan95, I am sorry you’re feeling so alone and unsupported following your dad’s death. I think a lot of our members will sadly understand how you’re feeling.

I can see you’re new to the community, so I wanted to share our Supporting yourself through grief page. You don’t have to put on a brave face and carry on as normal; your grief is real and important and you deserve help and support.

If there is someone in your life who wants to support you but isn’t sure how, you could share this page with them: Supporting someone else. We also have our Grief Coach text service which includes gentle coaching for friends and family who want to help but may not know how, as well as support for you.

I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you’re not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

Hello bvan, am so sorry about the loss of your dad.
Everyone handles grief differently
. My mum passed away 16 months ago, and last week one of my friends came round and asked how I was and I burst into tears.
Don’t feel guilty if you get upset in front of friends, if they are real friends they will understand.
There is no time limit on grief, and every day is different.
There is always someone here that you can talk too x

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum got sick whilst I was living abroad as well and the distance makes it so much harder. It can also feel lonely when you’re around other people but none of them know how you’re feeling inside. It must be so hard working in a hospital.
I feel like we grow up thinking of our parents as invincible so it never makes sense when we see them so fragile. My condolences