For anyone who might’ve seen my post a few weeks ago you’ll know that I lost my mum in feb. I’ve since moved into a house I detest and the floodgates have opened.
Trouble is, I wouldn’t say I’m crying all the time about my mum. I’m always sad to not have her with me but the anxiety feelings are about having to stick it out in a house that isn’t home, but the tears are about- we’ll i don’t know. If I was sobbing with my mum at the forefront of my mind I’d understand more why I feel low.
I know it will all be interlinked but the problem I have now is that while propranolol is helping with the adrenaline rush that’s stopping me eating, how do I control the tears and lift the low mood. I’m doing everything I should like getting up and sorting the kids out but I’m forcing myself to clean, do chores, go shopping. All things that I have under control usually and enjoy doing. So I know I’m not clinically depressed but maybe mildly? Or just sad?
On Monday I saw the dr for an update and he agreed with me that I looked and seemed so much better since the last visit and he also agreed that I didn’t appear to be depressed just grieving. I did tell him I wasn’t my usual self though.
That evening I began to cry and I have t stopped since really. But I don’t know what I’m crying about! I want to move house desperately and I’m sure if we had a magic wand to move immediately I’d feel much better. My partner has said we can move once the six months is up and yet I’m still teary. But not necessarily with my lovely mum in mind. So I’m confused and wondering whether to go back to the dr to get something.
Hi Gogsie, I’m going through a similar thing just now so I do feel for you. We lost our daughter to suicide 19 months ago, then after a year or so both my husband and I decided we wanted to move back to the UK to be closer to our other two children. We’ve been living the dream abroad for the past 15 years and our home is also home to a variety of neglected and abandoned animals so we can’t just walk away, and it’s going to be a massive change of lifestyle. We’ve had our farm on the market 4 months but have only had one viewing. Some days I feel desperate, others I manage to keep above the depression by planning for the future. At first our decision intensified my grief for my daughter, in a way she catapulted us into this decision and the tears flowed more than ever before, and suddenly everything reminded me of her. Now the frustration has crept in and, like you, I don’t know if my tears are for her or for the situation we are in. I feel so helpless on both counts - can’t bring my daughter back, can’t move until we find a buyer. Some days I struggle to eat, but I know that’s the stress getting to me - and if I’m honest I could do to lose a few pounds! - but I’ve always enjoyed food in the past.
I’ve thought about seeing a doctor to get something to tide me over, but I was having far more good days than bad until we decided to move back so I think I’ll just sit tight for the time being and remember that I’ve been here before and got through it. But we’re all different and as your GP already knows your situation he’s probably the best person to advise whether you need a little something to help you. I’d love to get the old me back, confident, happy and healthy, and I’m sure I will one day but it’s a miserable road getting there, isn’t it! Good luck! Kathy xx
I’m so sorry you lost your Mum and that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. Losing a loved one is so difficult and painful.
My Mum died 5 years ago & since then I have suffered from anxiety. I’ve been on anti-depressants and also had bereavement counselling & Cognitive Behavioural Therapy especially for my anxiety.
I’m no expert but I would say that I wish I’d had counselling before starting on tablets as I found it much better at helping me deal with life itself & any fears I have for the future. I’m a worrier by nature which doesn’t help with anxiety.
I would say that if you decide on the anti-depressant route then agree with your doctor how long you plan to be on them & review this every 6 months. I think it can be an easy option to stay on them long-term.
Perhaps speak to your GP about counselling. Sue Ryder offers bereavement counselling which you can access on the right hand side of the screen.
Ahh Kathy I am so sorry to hear about your daughter; an unimaginable loss.
I really hope you find a buyer and can get back to your children as soon as you can. I feel trapped in the house I’m in but at least I’m in the same country I always was. Please let me know how you get on. We cannot put ours on the market until we’ve been here for six months and so I feel like I’m doing time here.
I like you, have gone off my food and as someone who’s never dieted whether I needed to or not, I know this is an effect the stress is having on me. I want to feel excited about eating like I used to.
I really do wish you the best Kathy and I hope we can both resolve our problems xx
Thank you, yes, ‘doing time’ is a good way to describe it, and I know it’ll all work out but that’s no help just now, is it ! Do you find that it’s the silliest little things that tip you over the edge? And having children to care for makes it so much harder for you because I guess you like to keep strong in front of them so as not to upset them, but sometimes you need a good cry to let the stress out - and you’ve had a lot of stress in a very short space of time.
Did you go back to the doctor? I went (for the first time in 18 years!) last summer when I was feeling really low and having panic attacks. He did blood tests for everything and the results were fine so that reassured me and I felt better for a while. Now I just take a day at a time, sometimes just a section of a day, and try to live in the moment rather than looking ahead and panicking about the future - but after 60 years of planning it’s not an easy lesson to learn!
I’m sure like me you’ll feel so much better once you’re in a position to move and you feel you’ve got a measure of control over your life again. I discovered a really silly thing that helps me - force your face to smile!! Sounds daft, but when you’re feeling low anything is worth a try. And I find being part of this community helps too because there’s always someone who understands what you’re going through. Keep in touch. xx