Do people really care?

I don’t do well at weekends since my husband died on a Saturday back in February after almost 44 years together. For some reason I have been struggling a lot more lately, despite getting 2 cats a couple of weeks ago. Some people help and really try to understand, mainly sisters and daughter, but I have once again been let down by someone who says they care. The weekend after the “thingy” (my word for funeral) I was offered to stay with this particular friend as people knew that I wouldn’t want to be alone. So once I got home, having spent one night with my sister, I contacted this particular person who then says that she wasn’t going out and some other feeble excuses about the house. The only reason I came home was because she had told me and my family that I would be able to stay the weekend. This was the first of many instances where she planned something and then cancels it at the last minute so it’s too late for me to make any other plans. Even today my daughter came over so that we could sort through some things but she knew she had to leave by a certain time because I was going out. Of course that never happened, so I’m beginning to think that this person appears outwardly to care so that other people think she’s being helpful when in actual fact she’s too busy or just wants to be every body’s friend. Sorry about the rant but people on here will know how difficult it is to do things, such as going out, so that when someone lets you down it feels like you are going backwards and it makes you want to hibernate. This is just so hard and I really don’t know what to say or do with other people, I even get the feeling that people are getting a bit fed up with me! The one person I really need to talk to isn’t here and they understood me better than anyone else.


@Guineapig65 that isn’t really friend to do that to you. I also feel people are getting fed up with me. Although I have family & friends who offer help I feel I’m a bit of a burden. Everyone else seems to be moving on and I’m stuck. I don’t think they know how awful I feel and how lonely I am. People always say I’m here if you need me. But what do you say? I don’t know what I need except the one thing I can’t have and that’s my husband back. Sorry I’m not sure this is helpful but just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Take care.


Hi @Guineapig65 ,
Im sorry you had that experience especially at a time when you were really in need of some warmth and understanding from a ‘friend’. Unfortunately, there are a number of people around like that who offer support/help and dont show much remorse when a plan falls down. Things can sometimes go wrong but if Id been that friend, Id have felt terrible and been incredibly apologetic .
After a lot of painful experiences with people like this, I dont rely on them anymore as they rarely seem to change. Try to see this as a lesson (not easy).
Mazza x

1 Like

Thanks to both of you. I just really needed to vent a bit. I don’t really know what to say to her, think I’ll just leave it and see what happens, also I’ll think twice about arranging anything else. I do have one sort of friend in our large friendship group who understands as he lost his wife very suddenly while on holiday about 5 years ago so I think his advice is more helpful. Tomorrow is another day and my autistic son is coming over for a meal so might feel a bit better doing that.


I resonate with all of this.
Yes , we’re sad and lonely, and family and friends want to think they can help and make it better but
the truth is that all any of us want is our soulmates back, because they are the only ones who can make it better again.
They are the only ones who truly got us, and were on completely on our side.

It’s sad when others we now have to rely on let us down, but in my experience the blunt truth is, even when they don’t, and they are there for us, it’s still not good enough, cos it’s not our beloveds.

I’m 8 months in , and the last two weeks have been by far the hardest yet.
All these flippin’ long weekends have not helped ond bit.

Hugs to you all :hugs::hugs: