Hi, I am so sorry that you are posting here.
But I don’t know who you are or what language you speak, so you can translate what I am saying here. Search Google please, that will enable you to read this. There was a Kubler Ross study on bearevement which went some thing like this: disbelieve, denial, cry, enable your self to cope with grief, etc…
I you live here in the UK, Sue Ryder provides this free. Otherwise, wherever you are, there will be something available. I’d try a church first, if you believe in God. If you do not believe in God, then please ask your doctor to recommend a therapist for you.
My husband was agnostic, I am essentially catholic. What happened to us went like this. I read Jim’s Eulogy, as we played a track from one of his many favourite albums. Then his son Phillip read a poem, called Rage, which went something like this. Rage against the dying of the night, please hang on, let me hold your hand…
His other son, David, who in the past has refused to speak to me because his wife accused me of something that I didn’t do, in 2005, that we discovered in 2009, sort of giggled his way through it. He refused to say a single word to me. I don’t know why.
Phill later told me that he would prefer just the 3 of us. This was to enable Dave to cope with the loss of his father, despite the fact that Dave had told his father he wanted to have no contact with him in 2009. I was furious about that, since I wanted to at least ask my kind neighbours who had driven me there.
That cost me £3005. Plus I had asked for Jim’s signet ring and wedding ring, to go with him right through the cremation process. That didn’t happen, because we were at a Hull City council crematorium. The metal is reclaimed, so I intend to sue them for the cost of the rings.
That’s all I can say right now.
Once again, I am sorry that you are here. But you will find many people here in your situation.
Bless you, Christie xxx