does anyone else feel like this?

My husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in June. He collapsed and dies in the garage and I was there at the time and had to carry out chest compressions until the ambulance arrived. I don’t feel I want to live in the house anymore as I have flashbacks to when he died. Will it get better in time I wonder.

Hi. Poppy. First of all it’s early days so take it easy. There is no time limit on grief or any set way to do it or feel it. Everyone is a unique individual and will cope in their own way.
Coping, Ah yes. Now there’s where it all gets so difficult. My wife died last November and I cope. Just! Nothing can replace her and I am still in grief, but I do detect a light out there. It’s not bright but it’s there as if in a mist. It’s called hope.
At the moment life to you may not seem worth the bother. The experience you had of it happening so suddenly is about the worse possible.
It is said and I believe it to be true. Make no major decisions until at least a year has past. There is no way we can think straight and any decision made at this time could well be regretted later. Give yourself time.
I thought about moving at first because of memories. But this home we made together and it’s now where I want to be. Wherever we go we take ourselves and our memories with us.
As the time passes bad times get less and better times better. But it’s too soon for you to even notice that.
Stay on this site. Everyone knows and are so kind. We all have grief in common and can share our experiences. Bless you and take care.

Hi Jonathan, thanks so much for your reply and you aren’t the only one to say don’t make any major decisions as it’s very early days. I will take each day as it comes and see how I feel in a few weeks time. I have our little dog to walk each day which is a comfort. You take care and hope the mist gradually clears for you.

Hello Poppy. Listen to Jonathan, so wise and helpful.
When Brian died I thought I would walk out of the house the next day. Yet I had to stay to sort out everything, there was no running away. Then I thought of moving, now I can’t make up my mind. It seems to be a case of ‘shall I, shan’t I’, ‘Will I, won’t I’. It drives me mad as I’ve never been a ditherer before. Now I take each day and I am actually finding comfort in this house but I know that if it is meant to be then it will happen… This is house my Brian died in also. It may take months even years but it has to feel right. I certainly don’t want to make a wrong move.
Your dog will prove to be a godsend for you when your days become almost too much to bear. I have two dogs and I know for certain that they have kept me going. I have to get up to walk them even when I don’t feel like it. I then find I have to chat with other dog walkers even when I want to be left alone in my miserable state. Yes, without a doubt your dog and the unconditional love he/she gives to you will keep you going.
Keep with the forum we all understand and it does help.
Best of luck

Pat xxxx

Hello Pat
Thank you for your reply. It does help to know you are not alone feeling as I am. Yes my husband Mike adored our dog Toby and spent most of his time with him as didn’t like to leave him alone. The last 4 years we had a campervan so were always going to far off beaches. It is too big for me to drive so I have sold it and they are picking it up on Monday. I know it will be a very sad day to see it go but I need the money and can’t just leave it on the drive. I try to think of all the lovely memories of us going off together. Yes I walk along a canal and bump into lots of other dogs and their owners who like to chat, some who ask how my husband is which I find very hard. Hopefully most people know now. You might be right about moving. I am just taking one day at a time for now and like you something will come along if it is meant to be.
Good luck and best wishes

Poppy xx

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