Hello Pam2
I am sorry that you are so lonely, Maybe you should try voluntary work when the time is right for you. With what you are going through it would stand you in good stead, experience with something which roots in our very being.
I hope that you will feel better soon, although this grieving is a long haul 
Take care, stay safe and be kind to yourself,
Love,
Mary x x x x x x
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