Does anyone have any good advice please

Coping with bereavement
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I’m in my 14th week of losing my whole world, my darling husband Ian. Like you all it has been the worst time of my life. He passed unexpectedly, went into hospital early hours one morning and had passed away the following afternoon, sepsis they said :broken_heart::disappointed_relieved::broken_heart: that was the 10yh of December.

Since Ian’s passing I’ve had to get through the initial shock, get through Christmas, plan and have the funeral, new year, Ian’s birthday, valentine’s Day, pancake Day (Ian always made pancakes as he new I loved them, he used to make me love heart shaped ones or write I love you with the batter and this week had my first wedding anniversary without him.

I’ve just had to go back to work which has been really hard and upsetting, being back in the routine I had when Ian was still here but not going back home to seeing him, not being able to catch up with him on my lunch break was so painful.

I’ve been really shocked at how being back at work has gone…awful is all I can say. Some of my colleagues can’t look at me in the face, some haven’t spoken at all and then there’s the group who have no thought or consideration at all. Then to top it all off, I have to go to a disciplinary meeting on Monday for all the time I have been off…,??? Apparently it’s part of the local authorities procedure :pleading_face::pleading_face::pleading_face:

It’s been so horrendous, I ended up getting an early shower on Monday, putting my PJs on, grabbing a fleece and before I knew it I was parked on the cliff tops looking out over the sea, crying my heart out. I was absolutely at my lowest. I phoned my sister, my best friend, my mum and even the 24/7 helpline we have at work by and I had no answer from any of them, which all fuelled my despair at the time. Eventually, I ended up phoning the Samaritans, and they did pick up.

Just another really crappy week made worse because I ca no can’t see even talk to my husband about it and listen to his advice. I just miss him so much it’s unbearable without him x

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@Karenlouise hi karenlouise I am so sorry you lost Ian and that you are going through this heartbreak. It’s very early days for you, so it’s still very raw. Also you have had to get through a few first so soon already. That’s so sweet that Ian did that with the pancakes for you. I know how hard the first are. I have 2 left, the first anniversary of her death and her funeral. I am so sorry being back at work is awful and that you have a disciplinary on Monday, that’s so wrong about the time you have had of, they should be understanding. It’s worrying that you ended up on the cliff tops. You did the right thing reaching out. I’m sorry you got no answer from family and friends, I’m glad the samaritans answered and we’re there for you. I understand your pain and heartbreak and loss. I’m still muddling my way through each day, so not sure I can give any good advice. All I can say is take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Keep posting on here, you will find support. This community is very caring and everyone understands. You are not alone even though I know it feels like you are. We care and are here for you. Reach out whenever you need to. Our soulmates would want us to carry on and we carry them with us in our hearts minds and souls. And the love we shared with them is eternal. You are welcome to message me anytime. Please take care. Also sue ryder offer counselling . You could also talk to your gp and see what help they can give. Sending hugs x

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My heart goes out to you Karen Louise. The first few weeks are an absolute rollercoaster of emotions, grief comes over us in waves and threatens to drown us.
I had just taken early retirement before my Ian became ill, so I didn’t have to deal with returning to work thankfully.
I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with all that upset too.
Losing the love of our lives is a terrible burden to carry.
The thought of never seeing them again is unbearable.
Keep on taking a day at a time (that’s all we can do), keep reading the posts on this site and keep on writing down your feelings.
We all know how completely heartbreaking this journey is.
Take care
Janey x

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Thank you @JaneyS

It’s such a personal journey filled with bottomless sadness. It’s funny how we all you the word “sad” so frivolously in our everyday lives, but when the tragic loss of your loved one happens it is only then you realise the power of what the word means. It is only then you understand what a broken heart actually means and feels like.
Take care x

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Hi
I’m so sorry to read about your experience of going back to work. It’s terrible that you have to go to a disciplinary hearing. Employers need to be more understanding .
So pleased you reached out for help when you were so upset. I hope you get the help you need and if ever you feel like that again get on that phone again to speak to someone.
You take care xx

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Sending u so many hugs :hugs:

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Hi karenlouise,
I am so sorry for your loss of Ian, and you have had so many first heart breaking anniversaries altogether.
When I returned to work it was much the same reactions, some people spoke to me, others just ignored the fact Doug had died and some couldn’t even face me. Twelve months later, I still struggle with work even now, the routine is still the same but something important from my life is missing. No one to be at home waiting for me with a cup of tea, a kiss and ask how my day has been. Doug had retired a few years ago.
But I am saddened you had such a bad experience being displined for time off work.
I too work for a local authority but my back to work interview was very supportive.
I glad you found the Samaritans when you needed someone most.
Take care
Debbie X X

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