I’m in my 14th week of losing my whole world, my darling husband Ian. Like you all it has been the worst time of my life. He passed unexpectedly, went into hospital early hours one morning and had passed away the following afternoon, sepsis they said that was the 10yh of December.
Since Ian’s passing I’ve had to get through the initial shock, get through Christmas, plan and have the funeral, new year, Ian’s birthday, valentine’s Day, pancake Day (Ian always made pancakes as he new I loved them, he used to make me love heart shaped ones or write I love you with the batter and this week had my first wedding anniversary without him.
I’ve just had to go back to work which has been really hard and upsetting, being back in the routine I had when Ian was still here but not going back home to seeing him, not being able to catch up with him on my lunch break was so painful.
I’ve been really shocked at how being back at work has gone…awful is all I can say. Some of my colleagues can’t look at me in the face, some haven’t spoken at all and then there’s the group who have no thought or consideration at all. Then to top it all off, I have to go to a disciplinary meeting on Monday for all the time I have been off…,??? Apparently it’s part of the local authorities procedure
It’s been so horrendous, I ended up getting an early shower on Monday, putting my PJs on, grabbing a fleece and before I knew it I was parked on the cliff tops looking out over the sea, crying my heart out. I was absolutely at my lowest. I phoned my sister, my best friend, my mum and even the 24/7 helpline we have at work by and I had no answer from any of them, which all fuelled my despair at the time. Eventually, I ended up phoning the Samaritans, and they did pick up.
Just another really crappy week made worse because I ca no can’t see even talk to my husband about it and listen to his advice. I just miss him so much it’s unbearable without him x