I’m sobbing again. I honestly feel like I’m going mad at the moment and my brain is on overload. I don’t know what to do
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It is really difficult to lose a loved one. I lost my wonderful Mum 6 weeks ago and I still cry everyday. Sometimes just a little, sometimes great sobs. You just have to go with it I think and let the emotions come. Do you have anyone you can talk to, friends or family. Tell them how you feel and maybe they can be there for you. Thinking of you.
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Thank you. It’s two years since Mum died in December, was 1 for Dad in October and will be 1 for my sister in December.
I feel like my relationship with my husband hangs by a thread at times, even though I know he loves me dearly.
As for telling friends etc, they’ve got things in their lives and I don’t want to burden them. I really feel that they think I should be “getting over it” by now, maybe I should?
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Daphne6,
There is no time limit on grief, we all grieve different, because we all different. Don’t be hard on yourself, this is your journey. Even on here you sometimes think, I should be moving on quicker or maybe I didn’t grieve enough. So we push ourselves when we are not ready, which can lead to backwards steps. Just do what is right for you.
Take care.
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Hi @Daphne6. There’s no getting away from it, this journey is one of the most difficult things we will ever have to do, and it takes time. We have to dig into our reserves and try to move forward, by taking tiny steps forward, and these steps slowly get bigger and bigger.
We are all different, and we have to find our own way. It takes hard work, bravery and dogged determination, and sometimes selfishness.
After 18 months, life became ok again, and after 3 years life is good again, I have spells of sadness, but the grief is gone.
I’m sitting in a cafe having a coffee and bun, I look out of the window and see across the road is a jewellers, and I clearly remember 53 years ago when she dragged me in there to buy her engagement ring. I’m now able to clearly recall the memory , I see her excited face, and I now do it with a smile and feelings of joy. It was a happy day:heart:
, and so is today.
So there is an end to it, it’s not easy, but the grief abates. Keep faith in yourself❤️.
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I know the feeling & I lose my husband nearly 8 years ago, & finely moved from London 2 kent, but again feeling lonely.
So u r not on yr own. Talk anytime
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Hi doing the same at the moment sobbing as I have done for the last 4 months. It’s the emptiness and the disbelief and the constant unhappiness. I’ve never been so unhappy. Sometimes I feel I need help.
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I don’t think there is any “getting over it”. Instead it’s learning to live with it. Hopefully getting to a point where we can carry the loss with less sadness and more fondness of the times we’ve had. I’m a very long way off that at the moment!
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My died when I was pregnant and at 23 still need her also had little girl so didn’t have to properly grieve for my mum my children both grown up now I miss my mum 
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I lost my mum suddenly when she was 57 I was 23 just found out I was having my second child I wasn’t ready for my mum to die so quick it broke my heart it’s 32 years later it still effects me i miss her
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I’m here for a chat time does help but you never forget your loved one it’s hard .
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What everyone says is spot on. There’s no getting over it, only learning to live with it. Though I love the thought of sitting at a cafe and ordering a bun and feeling joy.
I found myself thinking, it really is like rolling out a delicate dough. You can’t work it too hard or it’ll be tough. You can’t pull it too hard or it will rip. But you also can’t just leave it in a ball (though today I did literally ball up on the floor and cry).
I’ve done some things right (volunteered, kept a memory journal, asked friends for help) and I’ve done a lot of things wrong (pushed myself too hard, over-scheduled myself, stoped asking my friends for help because I felt like I was becoming a burden) … it’s all such difficult, personal, invisible, isolating work … fighting to override one’s own nervous system, soothing a brain that just wants to keeps shouting, “this isn’t right … I need you back … I can’t do it alone.”
… which reminds me, I thought this was interesting: How Grieving Changes The Brain with Dr. Mary Frances-O’Connor.
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I know exactly how you feel as my beloved husband who so full of life died 5 weeks ago. My emotions are going through a tumble dryer of pain. But I’ve started to write down the happy memories instead of focusing on the pain. Perhaps this will help you too. Take care Linda M
Hi Linda
I’ve a book and I write any thoughts in! Basically, any that come into my head whether they be good, bad, questions …
I also wrote a letter to each of my relatives who had died. That was incredibly cathartic. Sometimes I add bits to them.
sending x
A lovely message of hope. I ‘hope’ the grief lessens for me as it is very intense now.
What a great idea, Daphne
Writing is very good for coping with all sorts of problems. But at the moment, I can’t practise what I preach even after 22 years of teaching creative writing because I just sob whenever I put pen to paper. I hope in the future the pain will lessen and I will go back to writing novels and screenplays again. Good luck with your journey. L x
Thankyou @LMJ1 . Four weeks is an extremely short time, I remember the total abject despair. Sooner (or later) you may decide to move forward, but in very small steps, and it’s very scary. My first step was when I decided to get out there and interact with people, It was a nice warm day and I needed to do some shopping, and I decided to sit in a pavement cafe for a flat white and a bun. My two little dogs (who are past masters at chatting up strangers) came with me. I remember sitting there, almost in despair waiting for Penny to join us, but knowing she never would. I felt “I can’t do this!!”. But the dogs did their stuff and before long I was chatting to people on other tables
So I now always do the same , and gradually the despair disappeared
So many things I did dragged up the desperate grief at the beginning, but I kept at it. I went on holiday, I eventually started being confident in making new friends. I even felt confident in walking into a crowded room without a panic (I couldn’t do this before😉).
One day, I decided to join a choir, and walked into their practice session. It was in the same building where I first saw Penny, 52 years earlier. I think we even sang “some enchanted evening”. I located the very spot where she was sitting. It was very emotional, but I knew at that moment I would be ok, if I coped with that, I was scared no more.
So please be brave, little steps, just accept your emotions as part of your journey. Good luck!
Thank you!
I don’t if other people experience this,but after David died I keep losing things all the time. Keys, all my debit cards and only just found my mobile. Plus things keep breaking down. No Internet, no working fridge. It’s bizarre, but also makes me weep with helplessness. Never felt so helpless before.
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LMJ1,
It’s quite common forgetting things, putting things in silly places. It’s called widows brain you can look it up. I’m 9 months on and I still find it hard to concentrate for to long( I have started reading again). I used to think I had a good memory, but names and faces at the moment are terrible.
I’m glad I’m not alone. It’s quite scary losing everything all the time as I usually have a very strong visual memory. But shock does strange things to the brain, doesn’t it? Linda M