Us widowers have our own problems, like where do I buy underpants? What size trousers do I wear? How do I get the legs shortened?, how do I wash pure wool jumpers (and how do I know if it’s wool?
Tykes,
Having lost weight, I totally agree wondering around shops,going does this suite me, and not having Sue saying yes or no, is hard. It was someone else who pointed out my clothes were to baggy.
Yep. I have had the same with losing things and things breaking down. I am getting old and am disabled and and insecure with good reason to be. I don’t own the home I live in. As to daily life and communication. No one who understands me is there for me now. The cat helps to comfort. My beloved husband was an academic and a brilliant man -. It was a meeting of minds in our relationship . He was a former teacher whose students adored him. He made them laugh, taught them well and helped them to grow. He lost his identity when he retired. He had previously found life difficuIt to navigate and had bad relationships with women who used him and exploited him. Brilliant but an innocent abroad and he had a drink problem. He lost his mother when he was 11. When he found me he found a supportive soulmate with a brain who was capable and kind -never bored and always learning and interested. I was and am a very caring capable person. I helped him with everything and he tried to help me. We were together 23 years and had lots of challenges. He was ill for six months with a non terminal vascular problem that caused him a great deal of pain and sleep deprivation. He was turning a corner from that when he was diagnosed out of the blue with an advanced pancreatic cancer. He died at home just 18 days later and horribly. None of the support we were supposed to have came so my husband died horribly and I found him in the early hours after I had nodded off in my room. His pain and suffering was all avoidable. The system failed him and it failed me. We were good, giving people. I am insecure. Everything conspires to make my life even worse. I left the batteries in a digital voice recorder where I had the only recordings of his wonderful deep mellifluous voice, and now the machine is completely broken and I have lost them for ever. His computer which has documents and writings of his when wrong so I can’t access them. I am dealing with health service bureaucrats who cover up their failings in a world that is full of truly horrible people like Netanyahu, Putin, Farage and Trump and their supporters. Some people I thought were friends have just not been there for me at all. Others have been wonderful but have their own lives to lead and their own problems as they are largely getting old. I define life now as worth going on with if I can make a difference for the good and the better -but otherwise I do not wish to live. There are far too many evil people, and many more others who don’t seem to want to fight back against evil or do not know how. People are scared -think there is no point I suppose. I have had enough. I am not a believer any more either. There is nothing on the other wide and no one who is evil gets their come uppance. No instead they largely tend to live selfish self indulgent lives, spent much time hurting other people and die very old and comfortably.
I can’t edit or delete m post which contained spelling errors. I have had the same with losing things and things breaking down. I am getting old and am disabled and and very insecure and with good reason to be and none of it is my fault. I don’t own the home I live in. No one who truly goes some way to understanding me, as much as anyone can understand another, is there for me now. My lovely cat helps to comfort. I do love animals. My beloved husband died three months ago. He was an academic and a brilliant man in many ways as well as an innocent abroad. I felt he was lost somehow. It was partly to due wth emotional suffering loneliness loss of his mother when very young, having a brain that few could match and struggling with life and money. When we met it became gradually, a meeting of minds rather than bodies. I wanted both but he could not. He was a former teacher whose students adored him. He made them laugh, taught them well and helped them to grow. He lost his identity when he retired. He had previously found life difficuIt to navigate and had bad relationships with women who used him and exploited him. Brilliant yes, but an innocent abroad and he had a drink problem. He lost his mother when he was 11. When he found me he found a supportive soulmate with a brain who was capable and kind -never bored and always learning and interested. I was and am a dynamic, witty, caring and highly capable person. I helped him with everything and he tried to help me. We were together 23 years and had lots of life challenges. We were unlucky but lucky too to have found each other. This year was the end. The complete pits. He was ill for six months with a non terminal vascular problem that caused him a great deal of pain and sleep deprivation. He was turning a corner from that when he was diagnosed out of the blue with an advanced pancreatic cancer. He died at home just 18 days later and horribly. I could not save him this time. None of the support we were supposed to have came so my husband died horribly and I found him in the early hours after I had nodded off in my room. His pain and suffering was avoidable. The system of health support failed him and it failed me. We were good, giving people. Now I am angry and despairing, cynical and tired of life. I am insecure. Everything conspires to make my life even worse. I stupidly left the batteries in a digital voice recorder where I had the only recordings of his wonderful deep mellifluous voice, and now the machine is completely broken and I have lost them for ever. His computer which has documents and writings of his went wrong so I can’t access them. I am dealing with health service bureaucrats who cover up their failings in a world that is full of truly horrible people like Netanyahu, Putin, Farage and Trump and their supporters. Some people I thought were friends have just not been there for me at all. Others have been wonderful but have their own lives to lead and their own problems as they are largely getting old. Life is worth going on with only if feel I can make a difference for the good and the better -but otherwise I do not wish to live. There are far too many evil people, and many more others who don’t seem to want to fight back against evil or do not know how. People are scared and stupid or think there is no point. I have had enough. I am not inspired by anyone and I am not a believer any more either in any spirit of goodness or any God. There is nothing on the other side I suspect for no one who is evil, and they are legion, gets their come-uppance it seems. No justice at all n this world and never has been . Instead the evil ones triumph, are cruel, selfish, live self-indulgent lives, enjoying themselves , hurting other people and usually they often die very old and in a lot of ease and comfort without much pain, while the good who help others and care usually die horribly and suffer.
Hello Rosie
I feel your pain. My husband was a brilliant man too. He was an Astronomy Lecturer who was able to explain the wonders and complications of the Universe in an accessible way. He also made people laugh which is a magical gift. It’s the laughter I miss most of all.
I’m so sorry too that you lost your recordings of his voice. That must be heart breaking for you. But don’t lose access to his computer. Can you afford to pay for someone to repair it for you? Or perhaps someone you know, could help.
When you are deep in grief, everything can seem insurmountable, but it’s not. Please reach out for help in your area. I’m now starting to reach out. I don’t want to feel exhausted and depressed all the time, so I am looking for ways to help others.
Of course, there are appalling men in the world, but there are also wonderful people who help others. And, by helping others, they help themselves.
You are not alone so reach out and find some help please. Take care of yourself, Rosie. Thinking of youx