Does it ever get any better ?

Does life ever get any less painful ? I can’t do this anymore, it’s been just over 8 weeks now since losing my husband Richard. Me and the kids had to go to a family wedding today, I think it was just to soon. I had a massive meltdown in the church, had to go outside because I had yet another panic attack. I have now come home, just couldn’t handle seeing everyone else enjoying themselves, families, couples. I can’t stand this life, I hate what I have become and what I am left with. People say 8 weeks is early days, what they don’t understand is 8 weeks is a hell of a time for not seeing my husband, 8 weeks since I held his hand, 8 weeks since I last hugged him, 8 weeks since I spoke to him. 8 weeks seems like a life time !!!

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Hi Lesleym it’s 18 months since I lost my husband John and yes it does get a little easier. I still miss him so much but it has become easier to accept that he has gone. It is still very early for you 8 weeks is hardly any time at all. Take comfort in your family and give yourself time to heal and don’t be afraid to cry. There is no easy answer to what we are going through but we have to carry on without the one we loved so much. All I can say is you are not alone in your grief x

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Thank you Joanne, it’s just been a hell of a day

Lesley

So sorry for your loss my feelings are exactly like yours it’s three and a half years since I lost my son who took his own life and I am still struggle I don’t know if we will ever feel normal again because this is the ne normal now hugs to you :heart:

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Hi Parmelia
Thanks for your message. Grief is all consuming, it has taken over my every though. My husband deserves my every though, I’m not moaning about that. I just can’t imagine living without him. How do you get through the days ?
How are you doing? I imagine how you coped.

Thanks again

Lesley

My every thoughts ! I meant

It’s 14months since I lost my husband. It has got a bit easier with time and the feelings vary from day to day or even moment to moment. I can still cry at the drop of a hat, but I feel more stable for more of the time now.
I know my husband wanted me to look after myself and have a ‘happy’ life after he died so I try do that in memory of him.
Take good care of yourself and talk to any friends and family about how you feel.
Hugs xx

Hi Cindy
Thank you so much for your message. It’s nice to read something a bit more positive.

Thanks again
Lesley

Hello, I thought that I would send you my thoughts on what has happened to you, me, and many others. To learn to accept that this is the normal way of things in this world. It is meant to be this way. But it is not the end, only the beginning of a journey we all make. We all go to the same place so we will meet again and carry on with the journey together. Do what you can to enjoy the rest of your time now, and look forward to being together again on the next journey. Love does not die, it is the most powerful thing in the world and goes on forever. Look forward not back and be happy. Chris

I just want to give u a hug and tell u its all perfectly natural what you feel, I am now 2years down the line from losing my partner I still miss his voice, his touch, even his singing, I talk to him daily still its a comfort for me, when I’m on my own yes there’s days the tears flow especially because I didn’t get a chance to say to him all I wanted he was rushed away in an ambulance at midnight one night, we were carers for our grandkids, so I couldn’t go and by the time I got there the following morning he was on life support for 6 weeks before he died and never woke up. I have gone through so many emotions since that night and still have bad days so never feel alone there are many of us feeling as you do and who understand the pain, it does get easier as time goes on I think everyday life in general takes over but those good memories are locked in your heart forever, take care and I send my love to you.

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Hi,
Thank you so much for your reply.mi wish I had a bit of your faith. I don’t quite get it.

Thank you

Lesley

Bless you Lesley, 8 weeks is no time at all. It was a whole year in June since I lost my darling husband very suddenly and I really don’t know how I’ve come this far. I have positive times when I think ‘I can do this’ but then it will be only moments later and I’ve crumpled once more. You ask if life ever gets any less painful - In the words of the Queen Mother “It doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it.”
I try not to wallow in self pity but sometimes my grief is all consuming. At these times I think of a Pooh Bear quote “How lucky am I to have had something this good to lose!” This is at once our glory and our tragedy.
I urge you to read Lesley, read books about grief and loss - I have read so much and it helps. Keep busy - I am still continuing with jobs we had planned together and I look for my husband’s approval in all that I do. I keep a journal in which I talk to my husband - I tell him everything in it. It’s how I cope with this different life I didn’t want. I’m sending you love and hugs and I am so, so sorry for your loss. Cx

Thank you Trish,
Hopefully it will get a little easier for me one day too.

Lesley

Thank you,
I will try and read, can’t concentrate at the moment though.
Thanks again

Lesley

It’s early days. I found music helpful.
I found myself waking a lot in the night, so I listened to an audiobook. I guess everyone finds there own coping strategies.
All the best my dear, xx

Hi Lesley
I lost my partner suddenly just over five months ago. Although he had been diagnosed as terminally ill, it all happened so quickly and we were just getting used to his treatment when he died of a complication. I remember being at 8 weeks so well and I was going to bed every night praying not to wake up. That means it does get better because I am not quite like that now, though it remains inside as a deep feeling that my life is over and I am just filling in the time (not very successfully as I am quite isolated and alone). I still weep every day, talk to him and say Goodnight and pray for him to help me. The reason I have replied is that, perhaps like you, I have this total scepticism that there is an ever after, is there even a God? What I do feel though is that at this stage if it helps to act as though there is then that is fine.x

Hello Lesleym, I really feel for you.
Going to a wedding just eight weeks after losing your husband is so tough, I just can’t imagine what you must have gone through. Its really not surprising that you had a meltdown, I would have too.
8 weeks is really early. At 8 weeks I was devastated, I didn’t want to go on, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat and never stopped crying, all I felt was despair and fear.
Its now 8 months for me, and honestly, I am a lot better than I was. I would give anything to have William back, but I have accepted it isn’t going to happen. I still have bad days, but they are less frequent and I find that after a difficult day, the next day I feel a bit stronger.

Take care of yourself, so many people are thinking of you and sending you love. Big hug ~ Elaine x

I felt the same and still do a lot. I lost my husband in May last year. I feel lost and lonely even when friends and family are around.

Hi Lesley your post touched me so much. I lost my husband 18 months ago and still have moments of extreme grief and panic attacks but those moments have got less and I deal with them more easily. I continue to be surprised that unless you have gone through this no one really understands how it feels and that means you don’t always get the support you need from family and friends. Like the other lady responding said - books on grief helped me a lot. I have only just given in and started taking anti anxiety tablets but probably should’ve done this sooner. Every day I walk my dog and talk to my husband about my day - if anyone hears they’d think I was crazy but it really helps. Lots of love to you xx

Hi Lesley,
My wife died nearly 5 months ago and I am still completely lost without her. It was her funeral on a Wednesday and my eldest daughters wedding on the Saturday. Both events are a complete blur. I managed to hold it together at the wedding until the first dance and then descretely disappeared to the toilets to have a complete meltdown. I still can’t quite believe she is not here, by my side, making me laugh at her stupid jokes. Nick had cancer and fought it with every cell of her 47 year old body. I feel I need to honour her life and her fight by loving each day I have here. I am not there yet, and maybe I never will be but that’s my goal and my focus. I take time to see the beauty in this world, how wonderful nature is and i’ve stopped watching the news as its too depressing. I sincerely hope you find your pathway soon and I hope you start to have some better days. I believe you can grieve positively, sending you a big cyber hug!

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