Hi,
Thanks for your message. I wish I was that strong. I’m broken and it’s worse each day. I want to be more positive, if not for me, but my kids, but I can’t do it.
How did you ever get through your daughters wedding? How did your daughter get through it ? How are you all coping now ?
Lesley
Hi all I’ve just joined this group because like you all I have just lost my partner. Ian died 5 weeks ago suddenly and unexpectedly whilst we were on holiday in Italy. We were due to get married in December. We only had his funeral last week. I am completely devastated and heartbroken and struggling to see a future without him. I have an amazing family and friends but it’s ian I want and he’s never coming back. The pain is so bad I can’t breathe sometimes. I know from reading your posts that you’ve all gone through or are going through the same thing please tell me it gets better. I feel so lost and truly broken without him. Everything looks so bleak. I also go to bed really late because sleep doesn’t come easy or last for long. I’m so sorry for all of your loses life really is very cruel.
Hi Wiltshire girl
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. Although I am probably much older than you I was in a later life relationship and we were planning to marry and spend the rest of our lives together. I lost him five months ago and it is still the only thing that matters in my life but the raw grief does change gradually over weeks and months. That’s not to say it ever goes away and sometimes it does wash over you as bad as ever, deep yearning for the one person you can’t have, but little by little you can breathe again. I’m not at the stage of living again, so I don’t know about that but people say it happens eventually. You are still in very early days and my heart goes out to you. Take any help and support you can get.
Hi we were in a later life relationship Ian was 56 and I’m 54, he was my first relationship after a divorce and being on my own for 8 years. He was my world as I was his and I miss him so much. I miss his smile his sense of humour and just being with him. He was a very affectionate and loving man I miss his hugs and cuddles just holding hands. I wish I’d have gone with him but I have sons and little grandchildren so I wouldn’t do that to them. I just feel absolutely broken and can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for replying and take care.
So many parallels. You will come through. I know it sounds trite but everybody told me to cherish my memories and I think it helps. x
Thanks Lynn I’ve been told that so many times in the last few weeks. It just doesn’t help with the pain right now.x
I don’t feel very strong at all Lesley. I know its a cliche but that feeling of being surrounded by lots of lovely people but being the loneliest person on the planet is a daily occurence, but so is the certain knowledge that I have been truly loved and loved someone else with all my heart. We are so lucky to have experienced this, our pain is a reminder of this love, it wouldn’t hurt if it wasn’t real. Not much help when its a really bad day but still worth remi ding ourselves A x
Hi,
You are right, but I can’t feel it yet. I look forward to being at peace with, but I’m am still so sad and angry. We had such a lovely life, and I want it back.
How are you doing?
Lesley
Yesterday was a bad day. Felt like every tune on the radio was a reminder of her absence. Some days I love our music but yesterday I just couldn’t be positive about it and each song seemed to cut deeper. I do talk to her alot and joke outloud that I can finally get a word in edgeways but its just so alien to me. My world is now on a different axis and I feel totally disorientated alot of the time. I know we must be able to learn to live with our loss having read other peoples comments, they are proof of it. We can do this Lesley, it will just take time, xxx
Hi,
I know your right, we will have to come to terms with it one day. I’m personally am not there at all yet. I miss my husband so much, I can’t even express how much, he was my world. We had a lovely life. The kids were happy, doing their things, coming home telling us what they had been up to. Me and Rich were just so proud of them. I know I have to carry that on for them, but it’s hard.
Hope you have a good day.
Lesley
I can relate to everything you say and feel. My husband died 12 weeks ago but it feels like 12 years to me, I long to see him, talk to him and hear his voice. I have an ache inside that is at times all consuming. We loved our husbands so much I know it’s natural to feel as we do, but the pain is something we could never imagine. My 3 grown up children have recently had their first birthdays without their dad - it was the hardest thing for all of us, one of the worst things for me was signing the cards from ‘mum’ it was horrible. It does help me reading everyone’s responses and what they are going through, makes me realise I’m not alone in feeling this way. I have plenty of company so am not completely alone, but we all know you can still feel very lonely in a crowd. I’ve had a couple of good days but today the tears have been flowing non stop. Guess this is the way it will be for a long while yet. Take care and know you are not alone . Much love Jennie
Hi
I’m so sorry I for your loss.
I feel exactly the same I lost my wife 6 weeks ago and the pain is still awful.
I also have 3 20 year olds who are lost without their mum.
The loneliness is unbearable.
William
Hi William, I’m so sorry for your loss. As a parent I think we try to be strong for our children, but we are hurting badly ourselves and it’s so hard. We must try to get through one day at a time and do the best we can, as my husband and your wife would want us to. I’m sure they are watching over us all. Be strong knowing we all feel the same can be reassuring in some small way. Take care of yourself and your children, like you I count my blessings and am thankful for wonderful children. best wishes Jennie
Hi William, I’m so sorry for your loss. As a parent I think we try to be strong for our children, but we are hurting badly ourselves and it’s so hard. We must try to get through one day at a time and do the best we can, as my husband and your wife would want us to. I’m sure they are watching over us all. Be strong knowing we all feel the same can be reassuring in some small way. Take care of yourself and your children, like you I count my blessings and am thankful for wonderful children. best wishes Jennie
Like you I suffered from panic attacks after the loss of my mum, I had already lost my brother then my sister, I felt so alone and at times still do.
I found getting the relevant counselling helped me immensely, being taught that it’s ok for us to feel sad, lost, angry and lonely. Time doesn’t bring our loved ones back however it does allow us to move forwards a step at a time, there’s no rush.
Don’t hide your sadness from your children they need to grieve too and if you don’t show emotion they may feel they can’t either.
Ask for help and support it is there.
Be kind to yourself, your children need you to look after yourself first to enable you to look after them.
Keep strong, but not too strong, be brave and remember to live your life not just exist, your husband would want that for you.
Sending my heartfelt blessings to you all 
I’m so sorry for your loss,I can’t imagine being so happy picking your wedding outfits out and then having your future just pulled away from you, in a heartbeat, I hope you have good people around you that accept your going to be every emotion going (if your anything like me) from raging angry, to broken sobbing your heart out, I lost my husband in feb, but it feels like yesterday, and I still have his toothbrush and razor in our bathroom, and his clothes in our wardrobe,because I need that ,and it makes me feel better,even though I know he’ll never come home, xx
Dear Lesleym
So sorry that you are feeling the loss of your husband and that you were upset at a family wedding. You may find it hard to believe at the moment, but life does get better gradually. I felt the way you do only 4 months ago, when my lovely husband died. However, although I still have my tearful moments, I find I can actually go out with people and enjoy their company. For me, the worst time is towards evening if I have not been out, therefore not spoken to anyone all day, or heard my own voice, then sometimes I feel the loneliness of my situation. I make myself cook a nice meal for myself, I know you have your little ones to cook for, then I read a book, or look at this site, or decide which tv programmes to watch! I recently wondered what it is like for single people who may not have been married or have had a partner! How do they cope living their lives without the loving constant companionship of a marriage partner or soul mate, yet seem to be whole and content? Maybe, in time, we who are widowed learn to adapt.
Hope these thoughts help.
Deidre
Hi deirdre,
I hear what you’re saying but I’m from from that place. I can’t see it getting any better. There will never be a time when I will be ok with this situation or my new life. I didn’t choose this, and I don’t want it. I feel like I just have to endure this nightmare until my time comes to be with my husband again, and to be honest it can’t come soon enough. Sorry to be so miserable but it’s how I feel all the time now, I don’t get a break from it.
Thanks for your message
Lesley
Hi my names alan and it does get easier i think its the shock at first of whats happened to us what hits you at first, i lost my partner jayne last november after short illness and aslong as you got family to help you through it be a big help and seems like you have, if i can get through it and come out better for it am sure you can with support of your family as the ones i should of been relying on to help me through it let me down badly , i was with jayne nearly 12 years and classed her children as my own and thought they cared for me and i was one looking after their mam as they had there own homes when she was poorly last couple of months before she died but even before funeral her daughter was on about selling their mams house i shared with her for nearly all the time we wete together and when i should of been grieving and needing their support all they were thinking of was the house and not letting me get used to what happened and badically i had find new house earlier than i wanted too and start afresh as they did not want me to have anything from house i shared with there mam but bed she died in but i got through it with help of my family so am sure with support you got clise to you so will you and also with people on here it will help you too.
Hi Lesley
I am so sorry for your loss. It is 3 years since I lost my dear husband, we had been married for 41 years. You’ll know we all feel the same pain of losing someone so dear to us. For each of us, the journey will be different. Some say the pain gets easier, some learn to deal with the pain. For me, the light went out of my life, the day Gary passed away, he was 60. It hasn’t come back yet, but I live my life with hope. Like you, most of us go through the early stages of loss (that time is again different for each), and it is a very physical pain. I felt pressure on my chest for 6 months, and couldn’t breathe. I felt I couldn’t tell anyone, especially not my daughters. They had just lost their Dad!. And others, not feeling your pain, seem not to care after a few weeks. Life goes on eh?. So I learned not to say anything, and that has stayed with me ever since. And I don’t think that is a good thing. Perhaps I should have cried more and told people how I feel. And perhaps that is why I am just seeking help through this website 3 years on. What I am trying to say is this. Do what you need to do, surround yourself with loved ones or strangers that will listen and care.
I still talk to Gary, I feel him and his presence, I smell him. I share jokes with him, I know what his answers would have been. You will too. You will learn to be happy again, and life will be different. You will never stop missing your husband, don’t try to. And if others don’t mention him, you make sure you include him in conversation.
I send you my love and support
Sue