Does it get any better?

Lately, ive been feeling hopeless, and lonely with no one to talk to. I lost my Mum three years ago, and instead of getting better it gets worse. Every memory, every word on repeat, finidng ut very difficult to escape. So my question is does it get better, or is this all there is to life?

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Hello I know how you feel as I lost my beautiful Mum in March and I have a feeling all the sadness I am feeling now will ever truly go away.

I also feel lonely and like I have no one to talk to, I do have my Grandma but she’s getting on now and I am so scared to lose her because I truly will be alone then.

I also have my partner who I live with but sometimes I just want another female to talk to and my ‘friends’ have seemed none existent since I started grieving.

I am trying so hard to make the most of life and enjoy it again as that’s what my Mum would have wanted for me, but it’s really difficult right now.

Have you tried cancelling at all? I went around 8 weeks after my Mums passing but I may have gone too soon as I didn’t feel any of the issues I was facing was resolved but I am considering trying again in the new year.

Sorry I’m not much help but I think it helps to talk to other people who understand exactly where you are coming from and how you are feeling.

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Hello yes i have tried counselling twice now, it just didnt help any. I dont know what will help, im hoping this chat will, if not i dont know anymore. Im sorry to hear about your Mum that must be hard. I have the same problem with my friends, they dont know what to say so they choose to say nothing

Hi @Simply.Sarah and @Jess1 I get how you both feel. I had counselling for 10 weeks after losing my mum. I also feel like maybe I had it too early, as I was still in so much shock (still am) and it’s taking me a long time to process everything. Sometimes it felt good to say stuff and get things out there, but as the counsellor couldnt really offer advice, it sometimes just felt like I was talking to a wall. I find it’s better to talk to people who understand, like on here, who can offer their own insights. I was not expecting the huge feeling of loneliness that I’ve felt since losing my mum. She was my only close family. I only have my husband now. It feels like my world is so small and lonely and I’ve lost my biggest unconditional love and support, and friends don’t understand as they have so much family and I have none. Sorry you are both feeling similar x

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Hi @Simply.Sarah

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

I can see other members have already kindly offered their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may also find helpful.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
  • Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can help you to understand more about your grief and what you are experiencing

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take good care,

Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team

Hi @Simply.Sarah i would normally have suggested counselling but i know you have tried that a couple of times already. It may be that you havent found the right counsellor yet. In the meantime have you ever tried mindfulness/meditation? I was always someone who would a) replay past situations in my head and b) worry about the future, so i was never really in the here and now. Meditation is just a method of practising being in the present. You can start with as little as 3 minutes a day. There are plenty of apps out there or YouTube videos to guide you. I was surprised how much it helped me to manage a busy mind and as a result i noticed i was not going over things again and again. If youre interested let me know and ill send you link to couple of videos.

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I lost my Dad in January, and the sadness still comes in horrendous waves that knock me off my feet. But also, there are moments of feeling joy again and feeling lighter.
I am so not a therapy person at all, but I had a course of sessions with a Sue Ryder bereavement counsellor, and felt that it was one place where I could say what was in my head without worrying or upsetting someone in my family. I had a very honest and trust in this person from the word go, and I don’t know how I’d have managed the early months without their support.
It does get better, but it’s a long slow road - don’t put pressure on yourself to “get over it” because you won’t but you do find a level of acceptance. I miss my Dad still like a physical pain, and often wake up sobbing but I think that I’ll always have that - and it’s a measure of how much I loved him.

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