Hi everyone. Hope you are all doing OK. Just wondering if things get better. I am 47 days into my journey and things seem pretty lonely. I keep telling myself to be patient. I guess you are all travelling on your journey and hope you can offer some advice on how to cope. Thanks.
2 Likes
Hi Jim68. You are very early on in this horrid new life you find yourself in. I am 8 and a bit months in from the sudden death of my husband. Do things get better? I wish I had a black and white answer for you. I have terrible days, bad days and better days and that is how it has been from the start. I write to my husband every morning and share my feelings and thoughts with him and looking back over the 8 months there is not much evidence of a substantive change in the balance between good and bad days. What I would say is that I am getting used to my grief now - it is my constant companion and so I know that when the waves come and pull me under, they will ebb and I will have some downtime from it. I wish I could tell you something more positive. Everyone is of course unique and different and my experience won’t necessarily match those of other people. What I am increasingly trying to do is to honour my husband by not allowing some of my more negative thinking to take a hold. So for instance, there have been many times on bad days where I have wished I was dead too but then I think about my Paul and how he did not have a choice about whether to live or die and I just focus on making sure that I function and that I build in new experiences to my life. I’ve joined a walking group for instance and I’m planning a couple of solo holidays. In this way I can make sure that I am doing something even if the thought of it frightens or depresses me. Try to remember that when you have your bad days, they are like storm clouds and they will eventually pass even though they are awful when they land. This is a great forum. I don’t post very often but I follow other threads and take comfort from them. Sending you a big hug.
3 Likes
Jim, I lost my Jackie on the 8th March 2025 and, for me it’s not getting better.
I may learn to live with losing someone I had loved for 60 years, but the only thing that could possibly make it better would be for Jackie to walk through the door.
Sadly that’s never going to happen.
You take care 
2 Likes
Thank you for taking the time to reply Penny, and for your positive thoughts. I know that there will be good and bad days and I just need to ride out the storm. There are some great people here. Hugs from me.
1 Like
I share your pain John. Take care mate.
1 Like
Hello Jim. Unfortunately you are still in the early days of shock and it’s hard to see any kind of life ahead at the moment. I don’t know anything about you so I can only give you a little insight into my own experience. My husband died 11 months ago yesterday and throughout the months since I’ve taken baby steps towards finding peace. Grief lives with me now and it came from the love I have for my husband. It takes time to accept the loss but go at your own pace and what feels right for you. When the waves of grief hit me I don’t try to push it away but hold on to the happy memories and 55 years we spent together. I’m lucky enough to have children and grandchildren who continue to offer support, whilst getting on with their own busy lives. I’m disabled myself but my husband would want me to live life and be as happy as I can be. I can be happy, content, laugh and feel joy and these times are beginning to outweigh the bad. We are all here for you Jim. Sending you a big hug X
5 Likes
Frankie, You have written my post for me. I hold on to the happy memories and agree, your husband, my wife would want us to live life and be as happy as we can be. Great post.
2 Likes
Hi Penny8,
How are you now? Hopefully today is one of those less bad days.
I’ve just been reading your response to Jim68 which has really resonated with me.
I’m only 5 months in, and walking groups are very much not my thing, but everything else you’ve written sums up where I am at the moment.
Where I’m not is Kefalonia. Jill and I should have been in Fiskardo at the moment reminiscing about our wedding there. That anniversary is less than 4 weeks away and it’s weighing very heavily on my soul - frankly I’m terrified of what being here on my own will do to me. I feel that I need to get away, to find some sunshine even if it will only be literal not metaphoric.
I’m particularly interested in your thoughts on solo holidays. Have you managed to arrange something yet? Any advice? If you do manage to get away, I’d also love to hear how it went.
Best wishes
Phil
3 Likes