Does it, Will it get better

Hello, it’s 9 weeks since I lost my wife of 28 years, she was 57, I’m 52……we never had children, so I’m basically on my own.
I’ve had every emotion possible, so many tears, not eating, having small panic attacks, overthinking, loneliness, everything,. I have now gone back to work, I’m in my second week back, first week was ok, it’s filling my day up, but this week so far has been awful, I keep thinking of my wife, and trying to keep it together in work is hard, I then go home to an empty home, that stays empty, I know it’s only 9 weeks, but I was doing not too bad, but I now seem to of taken 1 step forward and 2 back.Will this grief, loneliness ever go away??I sometimes lie in bed and think I’m only 52 , surely my life can’t be over, I need companionship, I miss someone to eat with, the simple things, walking together………will I ever be able to find anyone again??..…I really don’t know, , I was 24 when I met my wife, ……. Don’t know why I’m saying all this, I suppose what I’m saying is after 9 weeks, it’s still feels raw, still hurts a lot…… please anyone, does it get better, will the sudden tears, anxiety,go away……… I miss company, I miss someone to love

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Hi Donant,
Firstly may I say how sorry I am that you have lost your wife, it is a living hell and I know at the moment you can not see any light at the end of the tunnel :disappointed: 9 weeks is no time at all and you are still coming to terms with the loss. We don’t only lose our loves we lose the future we thought we had together :slightly_frowning_face: the dynamic changes with friends and family and we find ourselves craving for someone we will never have again. I am a lot further down the road than you, it’s been two and a half years since I lost my amazing Husband suddenly and like you are now I could see nothing but loneliness and heartache ahead. Slowly the good days begin to outweigh the bad and you will begin to accept what you can’t change, that is the point you will begin to heal and move forward. I really just wanted to tell you it does get better but your own attitude has a lot to do with it. You are still young with a lot of living ahead of you, I remember my friend saying to me ’ There will be good days again they will just be different ’ and she was right :blush: I could have sat at home crying but I started to drive, accepted every invitation I got, turned into a strong independent woman :muscle:t3: and met a fabulous guy who makes me laugh and who I am content with. We will never have another love like the one we lost but we can start a new chapter with someone else. So what I am trying to tell you is yes it does get better if you allow it.


Hi Donant
My heart goes out to you and others like you that are newly bereaved. It is hard, so very hard to understand just what has happened.
All that Mrs Colt has said I can confirm and I am also a lot further along than you. You WILL find yourself again one day. You won’t forget or stop loving but you will adapt to the life you make for yourself.
No one can make a life for you, it is all up to yourself and the effort you put into it.
I would advise though that you don’t start looking for someone else until you have adapted to your loss and grieved properly so that your head is clear. Learn to like your own company and find a social life without having to rely on someone else.
Nine weeks is no time to have been grieving and your head will be all over the place with so many thoughts and fears and you can’t expect it to go away yet.
I actually learned to like my own company and the quiet home I could return to and feel safe.
Just give yourself time and don’t try to rush yourself. I’m afraid grief hangs around to torment us for a while but we do adapt.


Hi. You’ve had two comments already from Pattidot and Mrs Colt. There’s no need for me to add to their comments, because they have it absolutely right.

This line from Pattidot should become your mantra: “No one can make a life for you, it is all up to yourself and the effort you put into it.”

I soon decided what I wanted my new life to be and kept total focus on achieving it. You can do the same. You will still have emotional moments but they become less as you move forward, even becoming happy emotions bit by bit. It’s still early days though, don’t expect overnight success just work at it.


Thank you ,for your kind and wise response