Does life ever get better after a sudden bereavement?

Can anybody tell me how they live after a sudden and shocking bereavement?
Just as we were starting our longed for retirement ,I lost my lifelong partner with no chance to say goodbye to him.
The shock of that night will never leave me. I still can’t believe what has happened and how the life we both wanted has been destroyed.
I fill in the endless days but all I can see ahead are years of regret. Does everybody feel like this ?

Hi Dalejackie

I can’t see how it can get any better. We have lost our husbands, our life partners. Our lives will never be the same again. I think it’s just a question of trying to live with it. Our old lives have gone forever and it doesn’t do any good to dwell on what might have been. I too lost my husband quite unexpectedly. With the help of hypnotherapy I have managed to get over the shock of that day and I stop myself from reliving it over and over again, it only upsets me. I now live only for today and never consider having ‘years’ ahead. Life is so random - it can change in an instant, as we know. In order to be able to carry on we have to change our thinking - it’s no good having regrets they just make you feel bad and we cannot change anything. Hopefully we will have some time to reflect on our memories. We can be grateful that we found love in this world and had such long and happy marriages.

Wishing you peace of mind


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Hi Dalejackie
I know exactly how you feel. I too lost my husband of a fatal heart attack when we were out together cycling. There is no other way to drive to my home than up the road that it happened on. I feel some days that I should move but I won’ yet. Don’t regret anything. I get AWFUL days, but console myself with the fact that I, at least after a failed first marriage that with my second marriage, had met my soulmate, a lot of people go through life without ever feeling that. I know it seems like very little consolation in the grand scheme of things, but it helps me. It is an extremely difficult time and my thoughts are with you. Don’t be hard on yourself and do exactly what YOU want to do. xx

Thank you Annette - Louise, for your kind words.

Like my loss, yours must have been such a terrible shock for you.
I have so many lovely memories and you’re right some people go through life without the love we’ve had. Losing such a life and love is so hard to bear.

Take care J x

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Hi J
Thank you for your reply. Yes, I totally agree.
Look after yourself.

I lost Corban to sudden death 7 weeks ago he was 35 and I had just one year with him. [edited by moderator] x

Hi I am so sorry to hear your news. It is awful, but you must not give up. You are in an extremely sad place at the moment and it is all too much. I do understand, please believe that. If someone told me how I would react if something like this would happen, I would not have believed that I could still be here, but I am. I lost the best person in the world and part of me died too. Keep writing here if you have no-one to talk to, but try to stay strong. My thoughts go out to

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How are you?

My husband also died unexpectedly in front of me last May.

My interest in politics kept me going just before and after his death,as keeping busy canvassing and delivering literature helped me and got me out of the house.

My DH always knew I loved politics and yesterday I was inducted as a local authority councillor! I felt his presence throughout my campaign and knew he was chivying me along. I wore my wedding & engagement ring again yesterday in memory of him.

I lost my lifelong partner suddenly 12 weeks ago , Now I’m in total despair my whole life has been destroyed and I am really struggling with what’s happened. Sudden death is such a cruel thing. I hope you are coping better than I am , take care J x