Does this get any better!

My husband passed away 9 weeks yesterday and I’m not coping well with the loss. He was 51 and we have a daughter who is 8. She has only just started grieving and thinks I’m going to die as well. She is getting so upset and it’s just heartbreaking to see her. It’s all just getting worse and I miss him with all my heart. I just want him to come home to us. How do we get through this? X

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Hi Yorkie I feel so much for you and your daughter she is so young to process this. I made the mistake of telling my granddaughter whose only 2 that’s grandad has gone to sleep now when she stays with me she does not want me to sleep. The Macmillan nurses are good with children explaining through books and art. Sending my love 4 months with my husband I think it hits home xx

I’m so sorry for your loss Yorkie …it must be so hard when you are both grieving but you are trying to stay strong for her …Winston’s wish is a useful sight for young children who have been bereaved …a Book called puddles is also useful with creative ideas for children who have experienced loss. I get what you are saying about things feeling worst …I lost my husband and not a minute goes by without him in my thoughts …I have spent the past months distracting and keeping myself busy by decorating every room in my home …but distraction only works in the short term …
Now everything is done I’m like what now …!! Sending warm thoughts your way …x

Hi Yorkie. I’m sorry. I’m 49 and lost my wife who was 53 unexpectedly 7 weeks ago. I know how you feel and o wish I didn’t. My world ended and I had 2 days with her till she went Infront of me. I don’t know how to get through it all I know is I’m still here. We could not have children so I can’t help with you there but there are many supportive people on here.
Many understand what this pain feels like as it can’t be described.
Jay

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Hello Yorkie, how unfair for you to lose your husband at such a young age, the devastation will be indescribable. And trying to support your daughter on top of your own grief, so terribly hard. The loss of a parent has such far reaching effects, I know because one of my sons is 39 and he’ll hardly let me out of his sight, so worried about losing me too. Nothing has prepared us for this and I think once our heart’s got broken like this it will never mend but somehow eventually get patched up and reformed so that we can carry on, at least. 3 months for me and I’m still trying as is everyone on here, the hardest thing we’ve ever done. Hope you’re managing , Jay , look after your ladies, Allison’s mum and your lovely Allycat, you’re doing a great job x

Hi Kim, it does hit home. After being so busy with arrangements and then real life kicks in doesn’t it. X

Thanks Babs it’s so hard when all you want is your old life back and realising it’s gone for good. Xx

Hi Jay, thanks for the message.
It’s just so hard without the one you expected to be with until old age, I’m 49 and my husband 51. Just hard thinking of 30 years of this pain and hopeless feeling. Take care. X

Hi bjane it the worse feeling I’ve ever experienced, so many emotions and thoughts running around my mind all day long. I feel so restless and frustrated about everything. It’s up and down isn’t it. I’m trying to keep it going for my daughter but it heartbreaking seeing her crying her heart out. Take care xx

morning Yorkie, so sorry you find yourself joining a club no one wants to be a member of.

I lost my husband suddenly May 2018, we had been together 52 years and married for 50 of them. Alan always said he was 23, we were and I still am very much younger than our true age, it’s hard no matter the age our loved one leaves us. our children are adults and are coping as well as they can, we have laughter now, talking about times past, the funny tines and the not so funny times, i cannot give any guidance on how you can comfort your little girl except to give her enough love for the both of you, I can recommend self help books for yourself, but feel a different approach would be better for your little girl. this said, most books do touch on the grief of a child. their outlook is still innocent and their trust is unconditional.

What i will say though is, it does get easier, it never goes away, we live through our grief and learn to live with it as the time passes. we will still have our stumbles it is only natural that we do, I have them on and off, only yesterday, i had a wobble, nothing in particular triggered it, it was only later I realised it was 2 yrs and 2 months to the date.

there is no time limit nor is there a quick fix, we all go through our grief in different ways, finding what works for you and your little girl is a good step forward. the online counselling sessions with Sue Ryder were a great help to me, Kevin, the counsellor assigned to me really did help.
I’ve several self help books, I’ll go through them and see if any would help in comforting your little girl. we are now having to learn to live a different life, this seems and feels painful in the beginning but does ease as the days pass, just live each day at a time, even just an hour at a time, there’s no rules, if we stumble, and we all do, many many times, it doesn’t matter. what helps one person, may not help another, likewise knowing others are travelling the same route, albeit at different stages and in different ways.

sorry, I tend to ramble on when I post,

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
Blessings
Jen :butterfly::butterfly::butterfly:

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Hi your post is lovely gives us some hope I just want to fast forward to get rid of all these emotions x

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Hi day at a time, you sound like you’re very similar to me. We would have been married for 49 years at at the end of July, together 52 and both young at heart and not behaving or looking our age. It’s only been 3 months for me but reading your post is heartening as right now I can’t imagine having any kind of life without him, so thank you for that reassurance. Take care x

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Thank you Jen,
I’m having the counselling sessions also and does help. It’s just the thought of not seeing Darren ever again that’s so difficult, I miss him so much that I feel sick. I’m lucky that I’ve still got a piece of Darren in my daughter and I love her so much.
I’m glad it gets easier to live with this pain because I don’t think I’d be able to cope long term.
Thank you for the lovely words of support. Xx

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