It was 17 May 2023 when my beautiful mum passed at 90. She had been in a home for 14 months and I have lived in the family home since I was born. I am 50. My dad passed 22 years ago and mum and I dealt with it incredibly and just moved on.
Now, it is so hard since mum has gone and I am an only daughter. Obviously I dealt with everything on my own, the funeral planning and it was so raw in those early 4 weeks. Then after the funeral, obviously everyone goes back to their own normal apart from us that are left. So I’ve been incredibly sad for 8 weeks now. it will be 8 weeks on Wednesday since mum passed. I know it’s really early days still for me. I am in the family home with constant memories.
But I just wanted to ask everyone else. How does your day go? Although I keep busy (I work from home) and can distract myself, I’ve found myself just not really being able to think of anything else but mum. It invades my thoughts nearly all day long. I just think, oh I just want to live a day like I used to before the 17th May and all this happened.
Is this just normal? That you can’t get them out of your head? It constantly invades your mind and sometimes I think I’m going to go mad if I can’t stop thinking.
@youareunbelievable I’m the same. It does invade your mind, sometimes more than others. 18 weeks tomorrow my Dad died & I still don’t believe it’s happened. My head is stuck in two places, before & after. I keep thinking he’s still in hospital. My brain won’t let me believe he’s gone forever. You’re not alone in these thoughts. I think it’s almost a self preservation thing to help us cope. Best wishes, X
Bless you. I truly hope so. She was such a huge huge part of my life. So close we were. I think because when my dad passed 22 years ago it never consumed me. Because I’ve had another 22 years since his death, mum’s passing is just on another level. xx
Hi
It has been over five months for me now and my grief seems to move in phases, depending on if I have had to check on my Mum’s empty house and garden, or if I’ve had any ‘sadmin’ to deal with… Visiting the house is the worst trigger as it brings everything back. On an everyday basis I can cope reasonably well, albeit slightly more gloomy than ‘before’, but on a trigger day everything feels sharper and my grief seems more pessimistic. Best wishes, thanks for sharing…xx
Hi Youareunbelievable
Its 7 mths for me since my mum passed aged 89. She was desperate to get to 9 bless her. All very sudden and died within 5 weeks of being told she had a blockage. Yes like you i constantly think of her. It has invaded every thing I have done since the day mum passed so I would say its normal what you are experiencing.
as Rosiepink wrote going back to mums house is a big trigger and upsetting on another level with thousands of memories. It is comforting though as i try to think she is upstairs.
Keep posting on here as we are all in the same horrible boat
Thinking of you
Deborah x
Thanks Deborah. Yes, it is early days for me. I’ve had all the sadness, grief, and then better days. Guess it’s just natural. They’ve been with us all our life. Very hard when you’ve lived in the same home all your life where mum was. This past week my mood has changed again, started to feel depressed in myself.
It’s been 9 weeks since my dad went and I am exactly like you - he was in hospital for 6 weeks before he died and I feel like he’s there still sometimes as well. It’s good in a way that how we feel is a ‘normal’ feeling x
Yes I agree with you - my mum died 27 years ago and it didn’t feel like this. I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago and this is far more consuming than losing my mum was. I did shut down when my mum died and just went into auto mode and looked after everyone else. I haven’t with Dad and I am grieving ‘properly’ . I am a bit taken aback my this but I am logically thinking it’s harder this time as I haven’t my other parent to go to- I do have a sister and husband but they are not my parents. I believe that what I am feeling is healthy and it will get easier in time and it will for you. There is nothing wrong in thinking about your mum xx
It will soon be 8 months since my Dad died and I think of him constantly throughout the day. My Dad is my first thought in a morning and last thought at night and nearly every thought in-between.
I keep busy and can be productive but feel that my Dad or thoughts of him are with me at all times. I feel like I’ve almost gotten used to Dad being constantly on my mind. I still cry everyday and some days the grief feels unbearable but thoughts of him are always there.
I still feel very sad that Dad was only 70 when he died. This time last year we didn’t even know he had cancer, he died 8 weeks after being diagnosed. My Dad and i are incredibly close and I couldn’t have asked for a better Father or relationship with him but I’m so sad that he’s missing out on so much. I feel very lost.
I’m not sure if the thoughts of my Dad will change or lessen and I don’t think I want them to. It keeps me feeling very much connected to him.
Hi,
That is natural also as it has happened to me and I still get days when it am feeling so down and depressed.At the start I didn’t know how to handle it but found this site and just posted and posted.It was so lovely having replies from people who understood how I felt.
Like you I was always at my mum’s house looking after her and taking her out.It is so hard going to her house and after 6mths I haven’t sorted it yet I have oy sorted and krt most of her clothes.Everything is in its place except she is not there. I even talk to her or her photo which is crazy I know but it helps me.Do whatever you can to get through each day. The grief will never go away.You will just learn I guess to live with it.Ibknow I will never be the same person and to be honest I don’t want to be.
Keep going lovely. You are doing your mum proud
Deborah x
I could have wrote this about myself and my Mam. I would like the bad, sad, traumatic thoughts to go away…because they are always there, i dont seem to be able too think much on the happy memories…im hoping that will change with time.
Very sorry to read about the loss of your dear mother. I also lost mine last year and I still spend a lot of time thinking about her - in fact I would say that 90% of my time (when I am not asleep) I think about her.
It’s a huge thing to lose a parent, especially when you had such a good relationship. You are not going mad - its completely normal and as time proceeds, you’ll still think about her but it should hurt a bit less x
Thanks. Yes the loss of a first parent is huge. My dad died 22 years ago. Mum and I got on with life without too much difficulty. We became so close. I did everything for her, especially the past 5 years when she became ill. This hurts so much. xx
Yes, I’ve found this week depression has hit me. Especially when I wake and don’t want to get up. I am at home a lot of the time, but today had to go out early, so a busy day has kept me busy and distracted. I sometimes worries myself that I’m going to go mad if this is constantly going round and round my mind. Your mind just can’t switch off.
Hi,
It will not be a quick fix so prepare for the worse.Every day will be hard.It is for
me anyway and i am 6 mths after my mum passed. Just try to focus on small steps to get through each day.Set yourself small targets even if it’s basic things like making a cup of tea.Souds daft but they need to be small tiny steps
Keep going and I am thinking of you
Deborah x
I know how you feel, I feel the same way when my mam died 6 years ago I went into autopilot as I was my dad’s carer, my dad passed 5 months ago and the grief for both of them is indescribable. I constantly think of them even when I try not to and my stomach is tied up in knots most of the time. Take care of yourself