I am so lost, so sad and just don’t know how to do life without him!
Family and friends check in everyday and I just want them all to leave me alone because they just cannot understand the pain I am in and the thought that this is now my life terrifies me!
I have two children, 18 and 15 and they are the reason I am still here but they have their own lives and I just wish I could go and be with him but know that I cannot put them them through the pain I am in! How do I do this ? X
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I think you can only carry on by just putting one step in front of the next and saying to myself I will do it because I can. When I think I can’t I think but tomorrow may be I can .
I talk to my husband even though he isn’t there and think what he would say when he was being kind and when he wasn’t I still think well he cant say those things either but he wouldn’t want me to give in and recall him saying I will be alright and not to worry about what I was and he had said wait until I come home and leave it only he didn’t come home but then I imagine he was home so think what he would do and say I will try and when I imagine him not liking it if it is not very good think well it is good enough for now and think wish I had been kinder. And that may be he is a star in the sky or an angel with our little baby that died at birth. I know I will never know but he is kinda around somehow like a seed.
Part of him lives on in his children and grandsons and in what he left behind. I found a tub in the freezer and he had transferred the last bitsc of ice cream in it. I thought thanks that is just right when I thought I had none I have a treat you planted and what a good thing to find. I thought I couldn’t but I did look. He left all sorts of things. I planted some more beans for him and one bean grew. The others haven’t but he planted these parsnips and they are there looking at me and I have to cook then and eat them as he used to say it was soul destroying if I didn’t so must not waste them. I must make something with them and try not to waste it like I through some away that I didn’t eat all of.
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@Edwards77 I’m so sorry about your terrible loss. You are at a very early stage in this grief journey and have joined a club which none of us chose. No doubt take you will be still in a state of shock and you will feel overwhelmed but you will find support here. Everyone will empathise with you, no one will judge. So post as you need, we are in this together to help each other. Love and support xx
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@Edwards77
One step at a time and being gentle with yourself, especially in these early stages. It all seems so overwhelming when it has just happened and the shock and disbelief takes a while to settle.
There are so many formalities to get done so tackle one at a time then leave it for the next day.
In case it helps to know, I lost my darling 60 year old husband suddenly 10 months ago and, although I can still cry at the drop of a hat, it is less intense and less frequently than it used to be. I am slowly making a life, albeit not the one I want. As you say, you are needed for your children and I am the same. They will give you the strength to carry on. I also use the love I have for him as a motivator to look after everything that mattered to him to the best of my ability.
There are many lovely people on here who will support you through this awful journey and we CAN do it. 
Sending love
Karen xxx
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Karen F ,
So sorry for your loss , deepest sympathy,lost my husband 4 months ago ,due to a cardiac arrest whilst driving ,he had COPD,
Just feels like i am in a bad nightmare cannot sleep ,
Take care
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@Susie3021 deepest sympathy to you too. It’s such a tough loss to bear but thank heavens for each other on here as we have more understanding than most having all in this section lost the love of our lives. To give you some hope, in my case it is gradually less painful than it was. Just keep looking after yourself as best you can and don’t expect too much of yourself. Little steps of progress are to be proud of if you can make them,
Love
Karen xxx
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KarenF
Thank you so much for your kind words ,everyone is so kind, and understanding in this group ,
Take care, big hugs ,
Love Sue xx
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My husband suddenly died in January from sepsis after getting a chest infection. I am learning to take things slowly, not expect too much of myself. Accept help and support from friends and family even though I just want to stay at home by myself. I think you have to discover what helps you to cope, and somedays you can’t, but that’s ok too. We are on our own but here we are together, sharing personal experiences and feelings that maybe cant be shared anywhere else. Love and hugs to everyone on our journeyxx
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Sandi
I feel like you about wanting to stay at home. Very sorry to hear what happened and doesn’t seem like you were expecting it like I sort of knew my husband wouldn’t get better really. I always dreaded him catching covid. It is 3 months now and still don’t go out often. But learning to cope alone is very challenging and don’t seem to make a lot of progress but better with something to try to achieve. The day has just passed today and must have spent a long time coping skowly
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Sending love to you too @sandi
I didn’t leave the house unless I had to for a long time after Richard died, can’t remember how long, but gradually did restart things I did on my own or with my daughter before he died. Ten months after now and I am still only doing those things but one day. As was discussed on another thread, ‘I won’t let grief win!’
Take your time and do things as and when you feel ready to try. Even if all you do is plan and get ready, that’s progress. There is no time scale or predefined pathway with this awful grieving journey but yes, we are here for each other.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Karen
Well I had someone turn up and say are you ever coming back and I said I like zoom better as it is easier for me than bothering to go. Well it is like still seeing what is going on and can turn camera off if I do not want to engage and just listen. Some folk cannot understand you like virtual.
If you wanted it the other way you would. But because some people hate it they think you should room I like to campaign for more in line and facetime. It is so much easier.
But not easy. Wish had some online for these groups especially
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@Edwards77 Just a check in to say we are thinking of you at this early stage in your journey when you are feeling so overwhelmed and your two children will be feeling the loss of their dad. Post again as you need. Love and support xx
So sorry to everyone for your loss. My husband passed away 4 months ago, the pain is horrendous, crying all the time, not sleeping and so lonely in an empty house., missing him so much. I talk to him and ask him why he had to go , it’s so unfair. Everyone’s words on here give me some comfort that I am not alone though x
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Make some parsnip wine and keep it to drink over a difficult few days - birthday, Christmas, anniversary. Make it special, like the ice cream?
Its been nearly 5 months that i lost my husband and i miss him so much i still find my self crying and some times feel so angry that he left me on my own but i still talk to him and tell him how much i love and miss him not only was he my husband he was also my bestfriend and i would do anything to have him back again
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Hi Sue 11 ,
Deepest sympathy,so sorry for your loss
Lost my husband 5 months ago ,and i talk to him everyday and visit his grave twice a week and play his favourite music ,
It such a struggle everyday
Take care xx
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Hi sorry for your loss i have my Husband ashes and play his favourite music to it makes me cry sometimes but i know my husband would love that i play all his favourite music as he was always singing along to it take care of yourself xx
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@Susie3021 & @sue11 I often put in music now which I struggled with to stay with. I now know I am likely to cry listening to some but that can be helpful if emotions are building up as it’s a good release mechanism.
So far I have never had anger at anyone and neither has my daughter Obe. We are generally not angry people so it may not happen but it is a normal part of grief anyway.
Sending love
Karen xxx
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Yeh i say that to my husband too ! Why did u go and leave me ! I loved him ! He wasnt allowed to go !!! It really isnt fair is it that they leave us all behind with broken hearts … i never realised before how hard it is for the partners left behind 
xx
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