Saturday will be my 49th birthday and should have been my 20th wedding anniversary, I lost my husband, my best friend of 31 years on the 12th of August and I don’t know how to get through this week.
I have filled my week with lots of things to try and keep me busy but the thought of Saturday just looms there. I had told everyone no cards I shan’t be celebrating, yet they turn up in the post and will sit there unopened. There is no joy in anything anymore, I just want to stay in bed until this time next week, but I can’t, I have kids to care for.
I told my kids we would go out for the day on Saturday, just to get away from the big gapping hole that my husband, their dad, used to fill, home is where we miss him most, my son has wanted to go on the London Eye for ages so that’s what we booked, but the thought fills me with dread now, and I’m scared I won’t be able to function at all that day, I feel like i’m drowning
Everything is a mess in this new life we lead isn’t it. Every time I feel I have taken a good step forward something knocks me back. I’ve had a dreadful week. My husband who I lost in March also has his birthday this Saturday so I’m guessing the thought of that has just tipped me over the edge.
It must be hard to have to function when you have children to look after and support.
I wish all the best with what ever you end up doing, and hugs too
Dee xx
My lovely Lilyboost
It won’t be an easy week
You and your kids together can spend a day united, talking about your husband, hopefully you will feel his presence there on the day
I understand you having no joy! Jack died 3 years ago and there is no joy within me although I go out, see friends etc
Your birthday can be a celebration of love - love of your husband , your kids, your family. Love never dies!!
You will survive the week!! Your husband will be there with you
Sending you love
Sadie xx
Hi Lilyboost.
I so remember my first birthday without my darling husband. He always made such a fuss if sending me the right card. He was buried 3 days aftet my birthday and on my birthday I saw him for the last time in the Chapel of rest and took him a red rose. It was devastating
But I came through it and this birthday was my 3rd without him. It gets easier on these dates I promise but the firsts are the worst. Do what you have to do and remember him with love. It will get a little easier I promise. Xxx
It’s horrible and unbelievable but my wife’s birthday was 2 weeks ago. I was dreading it. I just let the grief come, you shouldn’t try to stop it. You have children who need you more than ever you must be here for them. I’m 68 and get so lonely but I’ve gone back to work, play sport as much as possible. Treat yourself, be kind to yourself eventually you will learn to handle the grief a little better
It’s my husbands birthday on Saturday and I’ve arranged his internment on the same day thought maybe having both together may ease the pain of separate occasions but now am feeling sick to my stomach and dreading Saturday, it feels like yet another loss and then my birthday is just before Xmas, my husband always made it so special for me and that’s what I miss more than anything that we were special to each other and shared everything, will be glad when xmas is over but sad that time apart is extending into another year hugs to everyone xx
MAB I’m so sorry you are feeling so much pain, I think you are right about doing the interment on his birthday, I can only tell you that for me, although having my birthday and wedding anniversary on the same day was agonising, I was glad when the day ended as it was two more days I don’t have to face for another year I’m with you. About the new year, on the one hand I want to see the back of Christmas and this year, but I also feel that a new year is taking me further away from Steve, does that sound crazy? I shall be thinking of you on Saturday, here if you need me Natasha x
Hi Natasha the internment was lovely the weather held out and although I was initially upset seeing his headstone my friends and family held me up when I most needed it we went for a meal after and I felt so blessed as I saw our best friends and family supporting my sons and grandson and I thought how lucky am I to have all this love for me and my husband, it turned out to be a comfort and now my husband is at rest I’m still waking at half four thinking about our life together but feel a closeness to him I think he would have been proud of us all and enjoyed his birthday thanks for thinking of me yesterday xx
I feel and have had the same thoughts about new year, another cruel wound to bear, such a different sound that my husband died last year to clinging on to this year, I hope that our husbands knew how much we loved them, so many if only ? to see them and hold them once more … love and hugs xx
MAB
I’m sure our husbands know how much they are loved, I know my husband loved my kids and me so surely he must know that he meant the world to us.
I’m glad the internment went well and it’s good to know your friends and family were all together to support you and that you were able to see how blessed you are with love. Sometimes, despite the pain and anger of loosing my husband at 48, I think would I have swapped my life for someone else’s, someone who gets longer, and I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t change a single moment of our lives before, I wanted more, but I was blessed to know him and for us to have the wonderful kids we had, and that’s what I cling to xx
Yes you’re right we had an incredible life together and I wouldn’t swap out either, the sadness is that it was cut short, and too young, I met my husband through my sister and her then boyfriend who she married she died of cancer at 54 seven years ago which shattered me we had fun as two young couples, we became estranged when my sister died because her husband couldn’t accept what was happening and refused to let any of her family including myself see her it was a very difficult time and it destroyed my mum and I found it hard to forgive him so I never saw him again, I heard that he had met someone else straight away and moved her into his home and he then also became estranged from my nieces and nephews, when I returned from the internment I heard that he had also died that day which shook me up but also an intimation that it could have been suicide, what I can’t believe that from two couples having a great time and lots of memories when we were younger there is only me left
Grief causes so much devastation and heartbreak, sorry to offload but I feel I need to tell the story, my sister is buried near my husband and we spent time at her grave on Saturday too not knowing about her husband who would have passed at that time
I feel so blessed that my husband is surrounded by love and I feel it’s the same for your husband too, now I just have to get through my birthday next week then Xmas
It’s a comfort being able to talk thank you lots of love and hugs xx
MAB
What an awful lot to deal with, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, so much loss is so hard on the heart. You and your husband sound surrounded by love and that is a wonderful thing.
I feel lost at the moment, I met my husband when we were 8, when I first moved to London, we were not that friendly until we dated briefly at 14. Then finally we got together at 16/17 and were together forever. I have my 2 children who are 17 and 14 and my Mum, but am lacking any other family, no siblings or aunts and uncles, no cousins less than 200 miles away, so I keep getting up for my kids. I can’t believe that this is my life.
My birthday was last month, the same day as what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, it was hard but I took the kids out and I found that being busy helped get me through, I ignored the date and just tried to enjoy the day out with the kids, do you have plans for your birthday? I am not looking forwards to Christmas but an thankful that I have the children to distract me.
Fell free to offload anytime, that is what we are here for, to hold each other up when needed.
Take care Natasha x
How lovely that you knew each other so young and to have those memories, and such everlasting love, we don’t lose that it’s still around us and lives on through our families, my husband told me to look to our sons and grandson when things got tough and I try hard to follow that, I feel that each day I’m accepting more that I won’t ever see him again and although it’s heartbreaking it’s also giving me strength to face the future, your husband Steve would be proud of you especially coping with the children at such a difficult time for all of you , we’re all moving together towards Xmas without a huge part of our lives and hopefully we’ll get through, its lovely talking about our husbands you get a sense of who they were take care of you and yours lots love xx