It is tomorrow this time last year that my darling was taken to the Hospice. I am reliving this time last year & I am so unhappy. I can’t seem to think of anything else. I got through Christmas ok with the help of my wonderful family but now back to being alone & overthinking the past too much. I know I shouldn’t keep looking back but I can’t help it.
He died on 11th January & I was with him 24/7 from the 1st January which I know I was so fortunate & the nurses were amazing I even had a double bed so we slept together all those last days but I just can’t get it all out of my mind it feels a bit like the countdown if you know what I mean my heart keeps hurting I really want to cry but it’s all stuck inside . Please give me some advice if you can. I am getting really scared I just don’t know how to cope.
Sorry to sound so selfish but I can’t help it , I want to stay busy but all I do is sit & do nothing overthinking every last detail.
I know I am so fortunate that I have had a wonderful marriage to a man who loved me so much.
Do you think I am wrong to be surrounded by photos of him ? It makes me feel that he is still with me, but each time I look at them I get that awful pain inside me.
Unhappy
Hi. Unhappy. You do whatever you want to. There is no selfishness involved whatsoever. We all cope in our own way and that includes emotions. You say you feel stuck as far as emotions go. That will be OK. You will grieve in your own way and often it can be delayed like delayed shock. Which it is after all. Sitting thinking although very difficult not to, is self defeating. It can lead to despair. Now please don’t think I don’t know and am minimizing your pain. I do know!! If you want to be surrounded by photos that’s fine. But when you look try and think of better memories rather than sad ones. Difficult? God knows it is, but unless we make some effort we can get stuck in pain. He is still with you photos or not.
Please try not to be scared. It’s OK. Honest. Things happen in their own time and often when we least expect it a ray of hope may emerge.
I see Carl has just posted a lovely message. Have a read because he is a guy worth listening to.
Take care. Bless you.
Dear Jonathan thank you for replying so quickly . I know you understand & you have helped me so much in the past. I just get that I am coping & suddenly it all comes flooding back. I will try & find the poem , will you let me know how to find it please.
Thank you once again