I’m struggling so much today. Xmas and new year were awful, so hard remembering he was here this time last year full of positivity and fight. The in laws became the ex in laws the day he was buried. I lie in bed and all i do is imagine him lying next to me, how his hugs felt, his voice telling me he loves me. Had to call 111 this morning because i just cant face this life without my husband. My cpn is on holidays and i didn’t know where else to go. I apologise if I’ve upset anyone. Just so lonely, scared and panicking.
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I am so glad you rang someone. I hope they helped. We all have to fight through this misery and loneliness to try and find something acceptable.
Weather really doesn’t help.
Xx
Sandra
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This bit is so hard and there’s nothing to do but to live through it one day at a time. It does get better as you learn to live with it, even though it doesn’t seem like it now. I found talking - or in my case, writing- about it helps, but you need to find what works for you. Grief sucks.
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I hope you are feeling better and talking on here does help. This was my 1st christmas and new year alone but i got through it with the help of my kids and grandkids. Aim for something to do each day even if its just getting dressed, life is different for us all now. Xx
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@Hzmartin. My first Christmas and New year too, Hunter died in September, and like you I have found it very difficult. I kind of spiralled back into a black hole again. But a friend invited me to meet up for coffee and cake this afternoon and as much as I didn’t really want to, I decided that it was time for me to leave the sanctuary of my home. And I feel better for doing it, just getting out the house and having a chat. I feel like I’ve taken a good step forward, and I hope that you will reach out to people and take little steps forward too. You are not alone with your feelings, we all understand the desperation and misery, but we can all help to support each other while we go through bad days and better days. Xx
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I’ve really struggled today too. Just constant fear. I’m 7mths in from losing my husband, and have been getting stronger, but suddenly you’re floored, all over again. This roller coaster is truly exhausting 
xxx
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I’m nearly 11 months in , your so right it’s exhausting putting on a mask for others not sleeping don’t help what I would do for full night sleep Xx
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I’ve given up on ever getting a proper sleep again.
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Me too as per full nights sleep. Coming up 7 months for me. It makes everything harder being physically exhausted as well as mentally and emotionally.
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Weather really doesnt help you know ! This bloody rain !! And hard taking dog out in this too ! Bought some new indoles for my boots 4 days ago and little monkey nicked one out of my shoe and chewed it !! Love her really yhough and shes only 1 … she will grow out of it xx
Surely it is worth the cost of an insole for her to make you smile. I only wish I was fit and healthy enough to have a dog. At least he weather is changing. About to become cold and dry in West Country.
Very still and sunny at present. Hope it holds as I have to go to GP surgery 7 times in next 2 weeks.
Xx
Sandra
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Yeh not cost … means i gotta go back out in car to get some more !! Awful here - wet damp, grey ! Been like this for weeks - gets you down
Good luck with your appointments xx
Hi Hzmartin
I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling. I’m glad you reached out to 111. It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care, Rhi
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