Don't want to carry on. Wish the world would stop

I miss stepdad so much. The funeral, wake and cremation is done, the costs are thankfully sorted with by a grant and the last of whatever savings we had. But that’s beside the shit point.

There are no words that explains the emptiness or the holes left behind. The laughter and happiness of our family unit is gone. The safety net has been destroyed. It is lonely and pictures, flowers, words of condolences won’t bring him back.

I hate cancer. Why him, why us. So many why’s and unfairness. I feel cheated and broken. Why is all I’m left with.

Hi. Jambella. Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. If you read the posts on here about ‘Losing a Parent’, you may find some little relief in the fact that so many have been where you are now. ‘The emptiness’. Yes, we all know. So many unanswerable ‘whys’. Feeling cheated and broken is another of those awful feelings and emotions we get in this process called grieving.
It’s too early to even suggest any sort of comfort. You will mourn in your own way and own time. There is no method or any suggestions I can make in the early stages. You are in shock, and you have just experienced a life trauma. Try and be kind to yourself and those who mourn with you.
Try and not let the ‘whys’ take over. That can lead to despair.
Bless you, and go carefully. John.

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I landed here a day before you. Looking for answers. Didn’t happen - not straight away, not for me. Also wished I hadn’t even bothered , to begin with. Please stick around, though. It could - honestly, really - it could be the best thing for you right now.

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well aside from here and Samaritans nobody understands at all. but the staying part, i’m fighting that everyday. i wish i could see him again. this world is mean.

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Hello Jembella,

I’m so sorry to hear about your stepdad. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

Take care,


Online Community team

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Dear Jambella,
You are not alone.
Elliot Fallen wrote an article before he died of cancer age only 31. He talks about “how lucky” he was to have had even the shortest of time to live life and see nature and realised and wanted us to understand from a dying perspective how precious life is and that we should not waste it, he would give anything for what we have. So despite our pain we need to carry on, for the sake of our loved ones. My mother and your step dad would want it of their loved ones: “Carry on”, “live on”. Let them live on in us. Yours, Alistair


Ps Jambella,
A link to Elliots article is here.

Well worth a read.
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Thankyou Alistair for reminding us of that. Life is indeed precious and even through the pain of our loss we needed to be reminded of it.

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