Beryl, I am 15 months into this hard journey. Relax, things will become more manageable. I had the best weekend last week that I have had since my Elizabeth left me. It was mainly down to social interaction, My old friend, who had come over from Spain to see his 100 year old mother, called me for a meet up. on the Friday. Saturday afternoon I spent with my son’s family ( children 3 and 5) then on the Sunday met my daughter in Marlow , she caught me for a belated birthday present that I had thought I had got away with 
. I did think about Elizabeth remembering her joy at the arrival of both of the grandchildren and the pleasure they gave her. I did not feel sad, what a huge breakthrough, remembering Elizabeth and not getting upset. Yes I wish she had been there but the memories were happy ones. You are having a hard time at the moment but there will be ups as well. I am lucky that there is a Bereavement Cafe in the village that meets once a month and have got some good tips. Like “You cannot change the past, but you can change how you think about it” So I try and rejoice in the good times Elizabeth and I had and try not to let them trigger sadness.
Be kind to yourself, If you can meet up with someone who understands who has been through this just for a coffee and a chat that may help.
Sending you a huge hug like from a brother
I understand exactly how you are feeling Beryl. It will be 16 weeks tomorrow for me as my husband died in March and it doesn’t seem to get any easier!! 
. Please try and stay strong xx
I know……I really do. My husband died here at home on April 7. He’d been ill for quite a while with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. We’d been together for 55 years. I’m absolutely lost. There’s no other way to describe how I feel.
This is such a good site. Your post will be seen very soon and the support will be there. I don’t know how I would have coped without it. Xx
Thank you so much. Just feel so low.
Hi Beryl1b.
You have managed 16 month’s. Do you need to ring the samaritans ? I know how you feel and i am behind you on this crap path. You have the support of the people on this site. Please take care
Beryl, In my case it would be :Time to put the kettle on, Now what would Elizabeth say, tea of coffee, So I would make myself a mug, if there is a chocolate biscuit about I would have that. Then find a happy memory with with Elizabeth and enjoy the memory. Now what would Nigel suggest.
If you feel this bad you could phone 111 and talk to them or if you can wait try and see your GP / Doctor on Monday unless they have a surgery on Saturday morning. Please look after yourself, I am sure that Nigel would want you to.
I am soo sorry for your loss i had a similar thung happened to me me and my wife went away for our wedding anniversary on the 10th may we went back to the place where we got married which was gretna green we had a beautiful day together shared our memories our wedding anniversary was on the 11th but after we had lunch we went to get a drink at the bar we are not drinkers we had one my wife then said she did not feel right i said i take you back to the room for a lie down but trying to get her back to the room was very hard as she stood up she fell back down i managed to get her up and started walking back to our room on the way back they was a toilet she said i just go in hear i waited outside for a while then i opened the door to call in she responded but after a min or 2 they was this panic this women asked if i was her husband i said yes and went in she was in and out of cons and leaning over we managed to get her out off the toilet and had to put her into recovery they was some medical guests there doing cpr on her till the ambulance come i could not believe what i was seeing happening to my beautiful wife they worked on my wife for a good nit and they managed to get her into the ambulance where they kept working on her i was not allowed to go in the ambulance with her i was taken up to the hospital by the police when we got to the hospital i was waiting in a family room next thing i knew the doctors all come in to tell me that she passed away i broke down i went in and stayed with her kissing her and holding her i am in complete shock she passed away with a pulmonary embolism our wedding anniversary was the next day to i am really struggling with everything now
Thank you for all your kindness. Just feel so desperate . I really appreciate that you have taken the time to respond …
I have tried very hard but have reached rock bottom .
Thank you for responding. I just feel that I have reached rock bottom .
Thank you for your kindness . Just feel so very low and completely lost .
Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding. I have spoken with Samaritans.
Dear Beryl, I really hope you found the Samaritans helpful. I am just 3 weeks in and I am desperately trying to take an hour, or even a minute at a time. I so empathise with you as all these lovely people will be doing. Our Worlds have been torn apart and nothing feels or looks like it used to. We rail against it and desperately want to turn back time to have our much beloved ones back. I am fearful that, even though my pain feels savage and brutal, it will get worse when the semi numbness of the shock goes. When I first joined this forum after just 4 days of my husband suddenly dying of a cardiac arrest, I felt hysterical with fear and horror. I then phoned the Samaritans in the middle of the night. I know that everything in you cannot bear this any longer. I know the pain and magnitude of that pain is exhausting and must feel never ending for you. I hope you have a caring doctor so that you can consider getting some help. My husband’s funeral is on Monday and the whole thing feels so surreal and unreal. My brain cannot compute any of it. I am sending love to you and warmest of hugs and the fervent hope that you will get the odd glimpse of peace amongst all the despair - even if for the odd minute.
My love and thoughts to all of you in pain and despair tonight. xxx
Thank you so much. I shall be thinking of you on Monday and I know that the love and support of others will be with you.
Beryl1b, i am so glad you said that. Please keep typing.
I feel the same i cant see a way past thus shock and hurt that i am going through to i am all alone in our forever home that is full off memories and dreams it is soo hard she still has things lying around that she left before we went away i cant touch them i am just so tired a d exhausted all the time a d struggle to get out of bed in the morning as i have nothing to get up for i just miss my beautiful wife
I understand and feel the same way.
I know that I have said this before, but the mornings are agonising for me.
It’s the painful daily realisation that my darling soulmate is not here with me, when he should be, at just 58 years old.
We should have had many more years ahead of us.
I feel so cheated out of our happiness and future together.
I miss him so desperately and absolutely everything about him.
The one person in the world who knew me so well, and always had my very best interests at heart.
I love him unconditionally and trusted him implicitly, and it was the same for him too.
I was Michael’s no.1 priority in life, and now he’s not here, I’m scared and empty.
The loneliness and emptiness is unbearable and gives me feelings of panic and anxiety throughout the day.
Everything now seems pointless and meaningless, as everything was about “us” as a couple and our future together.
I have gone from living a full and happy life with my soulmate, with everything to look forward to, to this shell of an uncertain and unknown existence.
I miss him desperately and don’t know how I am supposed to get through this nightmare, that I can’t wake up from.
It’s made worse still by seeing everyone carrying on with their lives as normal, when my world has stopped spinning.
Sending love and hugs to everyone living this horrific nightmare xx
@HeartofGold i feel exactly same seeing everyone carrying on with their lives when our world feels like stopped spinning, my brain struggles with this i want to shout STOP to everyone, its an awful feeling isnt it x
HeartofGold, you write so well, i wish i could write like you,but i just ramble.
Like you i find morning the worse,having to get up and having to face another day,without your special one.
I am week 23 and still struggle. Yesterday i looked at one of her pictures and said i still can’t believe you’re gone, and the tears flow. I look at pictures, they can make me smile,cry or both at the same time.
I think we keep going to keep them alive. As long as we keep going and remembering, our soul mate they are still with us. Until hopefully we will meet them again.
I am the exact same my wife was only 50 the same as me and just 2 weeks ago would have been our 3rd year anniversary in our new forever home we where allways together done everything together we built our lovely house and had so meny dreams and meny more memories to make we just started doing work in our back garden to get it ready for summer now she cant i am so lonely empty sad numb shock i just cant accept my beautiful wife has been taken
I can relate to how you are feeling as am in a similar situation although I’m older and had been married for almost 49 years. We were enjoying our retirement and were together almost 24/7 and really got on so well. I’ve had a restless night (one of many) thinking of the loss of my dear husband and how I can carry on. It’s left me feeling drained this morning and I can’t stop crying. Everything seems so pointless and my future fills me with dread. The thought of growing old on my own is a constant fear. The loneliness, sadness and panicky feelings are with me most of the time. I have so lovely memories of my life with my husband but even they make me sad, it’s 9 months since he died suddenly and unexpectedly but the pain of my loss doesn’t seem to subside. I truly believe when you lose someone so precious part of you goes with them as I feel half the person I was before he died. Sending you and everyone in this awful black hole (as that is how I see it) strength and comfort 