Hi all
I too am dreading christmas, I’m staying with my mother christmas eve it’s her 1st Christmas without my dad I think I’ll get drunk and go back too bed.
Kelly
Dear Kelly
Oh my goodness, this is going to be a difficult day for you both and you will be in my thoughts.
It is not for me to say, but why not buy some special food and drink - something that you have not done before - just to enjoy, but perhaps just stop short of getting drunk. Or if you do, don’t forget the glasses of water before you go to bed! Much love Suzie
I’m also fed up of the way Christmas is dragging on and its everywhere i go. The bus station have started piping Christmas music through the music system. It will be my first one since my wife passed on 1st May. I’ll be on my own for Christmas eve and most of Christmas day though my cousin says she may pop up and visit me. Boxing day my Niece wants us all to eat at dads house so she says she will pick me on on her way through. I’m not really bothered about any fuss i’d rather be here with my memories. I’ll have a glass or 2 of wine on Christmas eve can;t have too much though with being on Antideps. Have got 2 of those Birds eye platters in the freezer Turkey for Christmas day and Beef for New years day. Just like we used to do in past Christmases with my wife. Its only one day eh and will soon pass. I have plenty movies and plenty games to play on computer.
Hi Johnboy im very sorry for your loss .Im doing exactly what i want to do Christmas .Ilost my soul mate in March .My advice is do the same family mean well but your feelings are more intense re the loss of your wife than others .Im not trying to upset you if i offend i am very sorry Freindship hug Colin
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Hi Colin. Thank you and sorry for your loss also. Its ok you don’t offend me. My cousin and my Niece both appreciate how i am feeling and don’t blame me for wanting to spend Christmas on my own. Maybe next year might be different the firsts are always the hardest.
Thank you Dave for your kind words, I really appreciate the care and support you have given and what we get on this site, which makes it bearable knowing people care how we feel without judgement.
I do hope you find peace and it must be awful for you and your family to bear Christmas without your dear wife June being the first one. I also thank you for the suggestion of lighting a candle, which made me think I could do that under my David’s photo and speak to him and give him a kiss. I was shopping today (which I find hard) and saw something that he would have liked and then I was in tears, it comes on me without any warning. I suppose time will make it easier. I still struggle to get motivated.
I suppose, on reflection, Cruse is helping after her leaving and my counsellor said to me that I am very strong, I wanted to say , thats front as I am falling apart but putting on a brave face.
Take care and all my best wishes.
Jan
Thank you Suzie for your reply. I think it is too late to do anything about my son’s ashes. I have to accept I cannot change the things as they are. Thank you for your suggestions I appreciate it very much. I do hope you are feeling ok.
Best wishes
Jan
Jan, thank you too for your reply I can relay to your emotions so much, it’s very difficult to explain but the days seem better but I find more emotions and as you at the drop of a hat and when you least expect it and for some reasons why.
I’m so glad you are lighting a candle for your David and talking to him, it certainly helps me but sometimes does make me emotional but I’m sure Cruse have told you let it go and don’t bottle it up. I’m expecting Christmas to be very hard but I promised June that her legacy will not be forgotten and she would have wanted me to make sure the girls and our grandson have a reasonable of Christmas as possible. What are your plans over Christmas ?
I totally know what you mean I can put a rave face on in public but just let it go when I’m home, but Cruse told me that as long as you let it go then that’s better than holding it in.
Take care
Dave
Dear Janine, I am so sorry that this is out of your hands. Acceptance is pretty tough in the circumstances, so I will continue to think about you. I am still finding the loss of my husband so very hard to deal with, but I think that is the way it is.
I wish you a very peaceful Christmas and hope that 2017 brings you strength for dealing with the future
Hey there good folks,
first of all to everyone out there who I have not responded to please forgive me (you all know who you are) but apart from feeling exhausted out…writing a sentence is like composing a Shakesperian sonnet–impossible at the present. also my dodgy old lap top goes on strike every know and again.
As for the festive season this is going to be an awful time for us all I think…for me it is going to be a milestone day, my Mother’s birthday, she would have been 89 on the day. So all I can say to you all is that I hope it all goes peacefully for us all and that 2017 will be a bit gentler to our battered souls.
I am going to follow the excellent advice that has been posted and see if a local charity will be willing for me to help out in any capacity…as someone who can clean up and do the dishes after or anything like that. I will also light a candle to my mum in celebration of her life.
I wish you all peace and light out there. for all of you who are lucky to have a supportive family and friends enjoy the company and the warmth. For those like me who will be on their own…I hope the heartache and loss during the day goes quickly for us all (if you understand what I mean?).
David
Dear David
I wouldn’t worry about the Shakespearean sonnet - you are saying all that you feel. I am so sorry that your Mother’s birthday is on 25th - so much harder to deal with the so-called festive season. As Christmas falls on Sunday, you will at least have the opportunity - if that is your inclination- to light a candle in Church. If not, to do it at home, would be lovely!
I wish you all the best for 2017, it will not be easy, but you have this lifeline. I think it is such a blessing and for myself, I am grateful for the opportunity to share experiences.
My mother passed away in early October, aged 56, following a year long battle with brain cancer. My sister and I are aged 20 and 23 and are trying desperately to keep our father’s spirits up. We’ve been invited to spend Christmas with some family friends but I don’t think I can face that many people in one day. They’re all lovely people and very understanding but I can’t handle 15 people and 2 dogs squished into a small house whilst we all pretend to be happy. I really don’t know how to speak to my dad about it though. I think it’ll really hurt him.
Sian.
Hi Sian, I think you should try speak to your father and with your sister. You may all be feeling the same. Being a parent myself and under similar circumstances my thoughts would be in protecting my children. I’m sure this is how you feel for your father and sister. It can be hard putting a brave face on it.
Grief is a very private and personal thing and sometimes it just doesn’t help you to be around well intended relatives or friends especially when things are so raw and as you near this huge milestone without your mum. Have a chat with them and try to find out what you each need this year. Your family and friends will understand.
So sorry for your loss, I wish peace and strength to you and yours over the festive period and to the rest of us here on this thread who are finding it difficult a this time of year.
Good morning Sian
I am truly sorry to learn of your dear mum’s passing and you both being so young including your mum.
I can understand how you feel I lost my beautiful, quick witted son and full of life on August 4th this year and am just going through the motions of life. I dread Christmas but trying to put on a brave face is not going well with me. I have no other children or grandchildren but I would rather be alone and tried to tell my friends that I wanted that…whether it works who knows!
My darling son’s last request was Monty Python’s “Always look on the Bright Side of Life” and I try to remember the good not the bad. I light a candle near his photo and speak to him, it helps me.
Take care as my heart goes out to you and your family,
Jan
Dear Jan,
I am sorry to read of your son’s death. My Father, my only close relative, died after a long and difficult illness in October. I am going to friends on Christmas Day, although now am dreading it and would much prefer to be on my own. Having accepted the kind invitation I now think it would be rude to decline. Like you I always try to remember the good times as my Father was a very positive man. At his service of thanksgiving I chose Eric and Ernie Wise’s 'When you smiling. for the end of the service. Like you I light candles. When my Dad died I was sent flowers by different people and I find having a variety of flowers in my house really helps me as both my Mum (Jan!) and Dad loved flowers. Take care, Julie
Thank you for your lovely words of comfort Julie. That was a nice choice of Eric and Ernie Wise’s “When you are smiling”. I love flowers and I did get quite a lot and didn’t have enough vases to put them in. I am grateful now for the kindness of friends but at the time I was in total shock and walking about like a Zombie.
With love and best wishes,
Jan
Thank you Dave for your reply. I like that you are keeping your word for your dear wife’s wishes and so unselfish of you to let the girls and your grandson have a good Christmas and I admire your strength.
I am, by choice, alone this Christmas. Going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and the Christmas Day service at 10.30 am, not sure I could cope with anything more. I am oscillating with having a little spirit in anticipation and then another time wanting it to pass quickly and forget. My West Indian friend invited me to join her family, she has four boys and 9 grands…would get lost there. Maybe I am being selfish but I don’t want to pretend. I am not a lonely person, only alone.
Take care and as they say, it will pass one day at a time.
With my fondest best wishes
Jan
Hi Jan many thanks for your kind words I’m certainly going to try and give the girls and grandson as good as Christmas as possible I’m not sure I’ll be strong all through the day in fact I know I won’t.
That’s so lovely you are going to midnight mass, I only went a couple of times but loved it in my early days and lovely you going to Christmas Day service.
Oh Jan my friend my heart is with you but please don’t be alone try and go to your friends and accept her invitation they will I’m sure help you through the day, I know it will be hard and difficult for us all this year and probably others but I think it’s better than being in your own Jan.
I too am the same have some intrepidation of the day wanting it to go quickly but also to try and enjoy it a little as June would have wanted me to do, I always try and think what June would have done if it was her alone.
Please take care Jan and my fondest wishes back to you too Dave x
I once spent Christmas day 8 years ago on my own out of choice as my parents had been invited to neighbours and I simply did not want to go. I think it is easy to forget that in essence it is just one day and actually, apart from the religious aspect, it is just another day. It is just so built up. As I have said I am going to friends for a few hours but that is partly because I could not bear everyone saying what are you doing on C. Day and me either telling the truth and everyone feeling sorry for me or telling an untruth. If I was at home (as I will be on all the other festive days) I would just keep busy doing different things. I think it is interesting what you have said Jan that you are just alone and not a lonely person. I agree with this and think your choice is the best one…but of course this is not for everyone or maybe possible.
Hi Julie and Jan
Yes like you both I have flowers always in the house for my Mum who passed away five months ago. They are my only indulgence really, Mum loved flowers so much and always brought herself some each week when she went shopping. Have no decorations up apart from the cards I have been sent but treated myself to one of the Christmas bouquets in the shops.
I dread the forthcoming ‘jollity’ so much but grit my teeth and think it will be over soon. At least there is this forum where one can come for friendship and support.
Mel.